My dad died one year ago, three years after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. My mother and I were the main caretakers. After he entered hospice, I stayed with them until he died.
I can't stop reliving his last 24 hours. He was thrashing around a lot, pulling at his catheter and kicking off his blankets. I was administering his drugs and in constant contact with hospice. They assured me that he was in no pain, but how do they know that?? I can't shake this feeling that I should have done more, should have insisted on something stronger (although I did a few times).
Hospice was wonderful, and he eventually passed very peacefully, so I feel like everyone did their job except me.