My father passed away almost a year ago. He was a wonderful man, a career naval officer and my mother the quintessential military wife. She has devoted her life to caring for and serving my father and her 2 children and 3 grandchildren. My parents functioned together in very traditional roles, Dad doing all the "man stuff" and Mom the "woman stuff" which worked great for them; but now he is gone. He was the outgoing social one, and she was his loyal companion. But now he is gone. He did his best to provide for her financial needs, and she should have plenty of money to sustain her for the rest of her life. However, they chose to stay in their dream home they built together until he died, and now she is left with trying to maintain and prepare for sale a 10 acre property and 40 year old house that is needing a lot of work, as 40 year old houses do, even though they did a magnificent job of keeping it up until he died. I left my home, husband, and our business, several states away, to help them as Dad died and to be here with her to help her find a way forward. I have been here a year now, and am having trouble moving forward with the things we need to do on the house etc. because it takes so much time just to get her through a day, emotionally and physically, that I can't hardly get anything done! She is physically incredibly healthy for a 90 year old woman! But she has some short term memory issues and some hearing loss that require much repetition of information.....which is very time consuming! She feels responsible for everything and wants to stay on top of everything, but she really isn't capable of it. She never was! Dad took care of all the finances and home and property maintenance and she was the domestic goddess. But now he's gone; and she thinks she is responsible for everything; and though she will let me "help" her, she will not let go and let me take care of things for her, as Dad always did. Which leaves me in a terrible predicament, because I simply do not have time to "help" her do things she is not capable of doing, and still get everything done I'm supposed to for her, and also do my part in our business, which I am trying to do from a distance as best as possible. I am terribly frustrated and feel like I'm stuck in quicksand and no matter how hard I try I cannot make any progress!! I feel like I will never get my life back. She is welcome to come and be a part of our life, but she doesn't seem to be able to let go and make that move. I love my mom and I want to take care of her; but she won't let me!!