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I take care of my 75 year old mother. I have it easy in some ways. She can still get around the house pretty good and she can make a sandwich, soup, and eggs although she cooks on very high heat. She can bathe herself but she will go weeks without a shower. She stays in her bedroom most of the time. And sometimes she thinks someone is knocking on her bedroom door. Which I tell her nobody is in the house. She is at times talking to someone when there is no one in the room with her.


I moved in with her because the house became full of junk, things she bought and never used and the kitchen sinks were full of dirty dishes to the point she was putting more dirty dishes in the basement sink. You get the picture.


However, she has racked up thousands of dollars in credit cards debt and took out a personal loan on her truck. She is on a fixed income! When I moved in it was brought to my attention that she wasn't paying the house taxes and a few other house bills. As far as the credit cards and loan I just found out a few weeks ago. My mother lies about anything and everything. We have a rocky relationship at best! Now, she wants to get a second loan on her truck to pay for my low life druggie brother's truck to be fixed, who steals from her and me. He is no longer allowed in the house! She has POA's health/finance.


However, she has fired her last 3 doctors. For what...I don't know. She never tells me anything and if she does it is lies. When I tell her she should have a doctor, she tells me she doesn't need one.


I refuse to pay on her credit cards, I am in contact with them trying to workout that mess. I want to take over her finances before she does more damage.


I don't know what to do! I want to save my father's house. He passed away in 2014😵


P.S I feel like a idiot! She has a bad heart, so I am hoping her heart gives out before the dementia gets worst after reading people's stories.

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I might get a copy of that POA (you may need to file the original) and take it to an Elder Law attorney to see what power it gives you. If it sufficiently provides you with authority, then, I'd act accordingly. Some states require that it be filed with the register of deeds office. Then, you can provide the document to financial institutions and it authorizes you to act on her behalf and straighten things out. IF, the POA is not sufficient, the attorney can explain the process for Guardianship and how that works. They can explain what the courts look at to determine if the person is incompetent and not able to handle their own affairs, run their household and make their own healthcare decisions. It's involved, but, it may be required if the POA is not sufficient. The attorney can tell you what evidence is required, doctor's evaluation, etc. I hope you can find help with this.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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She needs to be seen by a doctor who can declare that she's incompetent to handle her finances and medical decisions. How you will get her to go there is a mystery.
You could say that Medicare requires a yearly doctor visit or else she'll loose the health insurance (fib). You could give the doctor a head's up on "why" you are there, that you want him to check for dementia and possibly refer her for more conclusive tests. Of course, you won't want her to know what she's being seen for, so the "tests" could be explained as a further health exam. She'd then be started in the psychiatric evaluation process before she knew what was going on. Please have a list of her behaviors with you on the initial doctor visit. Also, if you can record some of her "wacky" behavior on your phone video, that would be very helpful.

Why would the POA have to be signed by a doctor? Ours didn't . The doctors had declared my mom incompetent so it was no problem and they wrote a short letter explaining she could not live by herself, handle any ADL's or finances or medical decisions. My mother had previously signed me on as her POA. Bring your POA papers with you for the doc to sign, if you can get her to an appointment.

Once you are 'officially' her POA, YOU do the decision making, not her. You can cancel credit cards, close bank accounts, file for bankruptcy, etc. At that point, you can also have her placed in a memory care facility against her will.

You should call, go or e-mail her creditors and take a letter of explanation of her condition from her doctor and show them your POA. YOU, however, are NOT responsible for HER debts.

Good luck. This is the hard part. It will get better (but also worse in other ways).
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Reply to SueC1957
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Shell38314 Sep 27, 2018
Thank you so much for taking your time for responding back to me. I am new to all of this! I thank God for finding this site.
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You say she has POAs in place? Did she assign you? Did a Dr. diagnosis her with Dementia. Here in NJ I didn't have to prove diagnosis. But then I live in a small town. Then too, people could tell Mom had Dementia. If you have POA send it to the credit people. Ask them to freeze Moms accounts. You can then consolidate the credit accts and only have one payment or declare bankruptcy. Then Mom will never be able to get a loan. I hope that car loan is not with one of those quicky loan people. The interest could be out of this world.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Shell38314 Sep 26, 2018
Yes, my mom did assign me. However, the POA's have to be sign by a doctor, otherwise they are no good. The truck loan is through her credit union. I have thought about seeing if I can get her to file bankruptcy. Thank you!
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