Follow
Share

The judge said I have to have this done due to not having two signatures diagnosing my Mother with dementia. I only have one.


Well I went and paid a lawyer and went to the place they commit her at and the sheriffs department will have to pick her up once the senior pchyc floor at the hospital has a room and they will evaluate her and report back to the judge. Then he will give me guardianship.Then I can put her in a dementia section of a good nursing home.


I am going to have my POA done as I never want my kids to have to go through this with me if I get mentally incompetent. It’s awful. The guilt is agonizing. She won’t accept any medical help and is very delusional, angry and confused.

Trisha I so feel for you, and can understand that you feel regret at having to have your mother committed in order to get her the care she needs and deserves.

But guilt? Guilt is for those who have done something wrong. You are doing the right thing, in fact the only thing that will keep your mom safe and cared for.

(((((((Hugs)))))))))
Helpful Answer (23)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report

I am so sorry so many of you are going through this horrible times with your parents. I am the parent. I pray God takes me before this happens. I do know it seems no matter how you prepare there is always just not enough. I am living in a wonderful apartment and would love to stay. However, I started to get depressed from being along for so long. I cannot expect my children to visit with me day after day when they are living their lives and working hard to even make it in this nutty world.

When I was younger, I had a Long Term Insurance policy. My husband died and his income stopped and that was one of the first things I had to give up. I was not aware I could sell it. Should be a law that they tell you this.

I have cared for my husband, provided for my children and now it is time for me to move to Independent Housing. I have very good medical insurance and will fight to keep that going. Until my money runs out I will be responsible for my housing and costs. When it runs out my children who have done well, have promised me I will not have any issues in staying in the Independent living. This all involves moving AGAIN. Sold my home a few years ago.

My only prayer is that God takes me in the next 2 to 4 years. That will be my daily prayer from now on. I will keep my mind active. I paint and my final project is a painting for each of my children and grand children. Please Lord keep my mind SOLID.

Life is not cheap.
Helpful Answer (18)
Reply to Oregongirl
Report
MojoMama Sep 25, 2018
You are just wonderful! So hard for many of us getting "up there" - but you sure have a handle on it. And your kids will never have to say "what a pain she is"! I hope to follow your path.....
(9)
Report
See 2 more replies
When we are growing up, we never for one second think that this is what we face in the future with our parents. I give you huge props for saying you never want your kids to be flailing about trying to get things together if this should ever happen to you. I want to do the same thing.

My mom didn't have to be Baker Acted, but she had dementia and turned into an anxious, paranoid and delusional person. She suffered from “fight or flight” and unfortunately it was mostly fight. She got caught smacking other residents twice. She’d try to trip the aides. I’m lucky she didn’t get thrown out. It was difficult for me to accept that this woman who once ran our family was like a feral cat in a cage.

I’m sending you huge hugs and wishes for some peace in your life soon.
Helpful Answer (15)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report

my mother has dementia but I never needed two sigs. She was in the hospital and saw a neurologist so I guess that was good enough. I have POA for her medical and finances I do not have guardianship. Does guardianship mean you are financially responsible? POA does not mean that. It just gives me access to her funds to pay her bills and make med decisions. My mother has used up all her resources at this point and is 93. She medically is in good shape other than dementia. My Dad was a vet so applied for spousal benefits through VA. It took me a year of paper work but finally approved. This does not R/O her ability to get medicaid. Her VA benefits and social security do not cover all her bills in the dementia unit. I used up so much putting her in a really "good" dementia unit which I did more out of guilt than anything else. I wish I would have looked around more. There are less expensive options around such as a shared room. I would have gotten twice as much time out of her money had I done this from the start. Kicking myself now. Good luck. It is awful and I did the same with POA etc so my kids won't have to go through this, I also made sure I got long term care insurance but I understand there are options for riders on permanent life insurance plans for long term care. Good luck.I understand the guilt. You are not alone!!
Helpful Answer (14)
Reply to wlkasa
Report

You did what you had to do because she was obviously a danger to herself which is the basis of a Baker act. if the evaluation says she is mentally incompetant it will require a Judge's order to establish legal guardianship. A visiting Justice holds court in the psych ward and awards guardianship to either a close family relative or court appointed legal guardian. She will not be on that floor forever, and you did what was in your mom's best interests. Now if you did nothing -- THAT is something to feel guilty about. You are simply doing what had to be done.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to cetude
Report

Hello,
I never had to do it but as an Assisted Living owner, sometimes we have to do things that will help our love ones, because no one else will. Some people don't want to or can't deal with a mental ill family member. Good Job for you and I hope it all works out for the better.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Mchllc1
Report

Don't feel guilty for protecting your mother. I've had to put my own husband in psychiatric care more than once. It was the right thing.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Val3rie
Report

You must feel terrible about the state your mother has got herself into, but I second Barb's point that you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

God willing, once you're able to push the support and treatment your mother needs (because she is nuts) but refuses (because she is nuts and scared stiff, poor lady), not only you but she too will feel a million times better.

Please let us know how you're getting on.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report

yes. In NJ, we get a lawyer, mom gets a lawyer, she gets evaluated by several people. We go to court, the judge decides what's best. It all costs a lot of money. I am now her guardian. Mom isn't easy to deal with, and I preemptively got guardianship before my dad passed away. Now that he's gone, I won't have to fight with her about anything. I am in charge. I haven't had to push my rights, but I am confused why you let your mom make decisions, especially when you say she is delusional, angry and confused. She needs help and doctors appointments are normal. Find a geriatric doctor who specializes in dementia/Alzheimer. They will help her and you. She doesn't have to be medicated into submission, but she has anxiety, depression and many medications will help with that. I felt guilty, I'm over that feeling.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to maryt5
Report

Thankyou all so much for your support. You are literally all I have to carry on and lean on.God Bless You All!
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Trisha1958
Report

See All Answers
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter