How do I dress my husband when he can barely stand up?

Oh you poor thing. Your husband's condition sounds like it is way too much for any one person to be able to safely and sanely even come close to handling.

No one WANTS to go into a facility. But for the best for both of you, I really think that is what must happen.

I wonder if you can enlist the help of your doctor? Tell them your situation and ask if it is reasonable for you to handle this on your own. Of course, they will say absolutely not! Then, maybe they can help you get things moving in the right direction.

Do you have any children or other family who can help you, at least for the short term before you can get this straightened out (meaning get him moved to a facility)? Beg them for help, for YOU. He doesn't want help? Fine. But you need help. Who is doing the cooking and the cleaning, etc. etc.? You could certainly use help with that at the very least. But that is just the tip of the iceberg since the needs here are sooo much more than those basic daily living activities.

Make some phone calls and get yourself some help. I'm not saying it's easy, but I think it would be for the best. Good luck.

In a facility I believe your DH would be considered a 2 Person Assist at a minimum. Possibly even requiring a hoyer lift. In other words it’s at the point that professionals would not and could not do singlehandedly what you’re attempting for everyone’s safety. My Mom became a 2 person assist for toileting and she was only 90 pounds, I could get her from the bed to wheelchair and back by myself, but there was no way no how I could have helped her off the toilet & gotten her cleaned up by myself. If you want to continue this, you would need to get a caregiver in and they would need you to assist them. Usually one aid holds up the person while the other cleans up, pulls up depends and pants. If you’re uncomfortable with a male aid get a woman. If you don’t want homecare, “You know he needs to be in a facility”, you are 80 years old, this isn’t fair to you, and you are going to hurt yourself. Not many people “want” to be in a facility but sometimes thats just how it’s got to be. Please think seriously about this and tell him.

You have a lot of things to work through but I will limit my answer to your question about dressing. There are clothes made for people in wheelchairs that are open at the back, you can see them here:

https://www.buckandbuck.com/mens-adaptive.html

https://www.silverts.com/mens-adaptive-clothing/

Once I had some samples to go by I was able to alter some of my mom's existing clothes.