How do I dress my husband when he can barely stand up?

This is way too much at this point. It takes two people to care for my mother. Today while changing her depends she was dead weight and her legs gave out. We had to use all our strength to get her on to the chair, but could not pull up her depends. She sat in her chair for five minutes with her depends down until my brother came back from the store and helped us. I know how difficult this can be. My advice place your husband in a facility. You do not want male caregivers in your home and you do not like your home looking like a hospital. There are not many options here, but it is in the best interest for you and your husband . He may not like it, but I do not think you have a choice in this matter. Do it sooner than later. The best to you.

MY LATE WIFE HAD ONE LEG, AT FIRST SHE DROVE BUT DOCTOR GAVE HER GABAPENTINE AND SHE LOST USE OF HER GOOD LEG. SHE WEIGHTED 185 LBS, I PURCHASED A MANUAL HOYER LIFT AND I WOULD USE A WEGE TO HELP TURNING HER . I HAD THE QUEEN BED AND I WOULD PUT HER ON THE BED THEN GET IN HEAD OF IT AND PULL HER IN BED, BUT I AM 6FT 215 LBS. USE A BED MAT ITS 36 INCH X36 AND I USE ANOTHER PAD PLUS DIAPER, I PUT THE PAD HALF WAY UNDER HER AND THE DIAPER ALSO . AND GO ON EBAY ND BUY THE NO RINSE BODY WASH SPRAY ITS NOT HIGH PRICED AND CLEANS GOOD WITH A NICE SMELL. I HAD ZERO BEDSORES. SLIP HIS PANTS IN LEGS LAYING FLAT HALF WAY, THEN TURN HIM ON SIDE IN BED USE WEGE TO HIS BACK AND PULL PANTS UP A LEG AT A TIME YOU NEEDHOME CARE HELPING YOU. I WORKED AS A AID IN SURGERY WARD WHEN I WAS 18 YEARS OLD AND THEN P.T ASSISTANT SO I WORKED WITH 32 PATIENTS A DAY NOT ALL WAS WHERE I HAD TO TURN BUT A LOT WERE. BUT BUY THE WEGE HOPE I SPELLED RIGHT AND USE A DRAW SHEET YOU CAN BUT ALSO AT EBAY. BUT MY ADVISE IS TO ASK FOR HOME HEALTH TO ASSIST EACH COUNTY AS IT AT NO COST TO YOU. IF YOU ARE OT TRAINED TO HANDLE A PATIENT YOU CAN END UP HURTING YOURSELF. BUT ASK HIS DOCTOR TO ARRANGE HELP AT HOME FOR HIM WITH YOU BEFORE YOU END UP HURT.

I sympathize with you. At age 80, this is really too much for you to be handling. You should not be lifting or moving your husband, especially by yourself. You’ve got to start thinking in terms of NEEDS, not WANTS. Your husband does not want to be in a facility. Can’t blame him BUT that is honestly what he NEEDS if you cannot take care of him and you are not able to willing to bring in full time caregivers. Think about your NEEDs not your wants. You don’t want male caregivers. Don’t blame you there either but the bottom line is, you need help. Your NEEDS far outweigh your WANTS, same for your husband. You should not be using male caregivers as a reason not to get your husband caregivers. What if HE is more comfortable with a male caregiver? I think it’s safe to assume that the home caregivers would be women anyway because most are. Facilities are where you will find more male caregivers in my experience. In this situation, your husbands gender preference trumps your preferences, he’s the one who will be receiving care. You can always leave and get in some self care while the caregiver is there. Do you want your husband to get the best care he needs? You must accept that at this point, a facility is probably the best place for him. Especially if you are resistant to bringing in outside help. Bottom line and I know you know this, but something has to change before someone gets hurt. Before you crash and burn and your husband outlives you.

Get a woman caretaker if you are more comfortable with that idea than a man but I don't see what your objection is ... you use male plumbers & electricians - these people are trained to do this & you are not as well they are much younger than you - they will also teach you how to do it safely for when they are not there

You didn't say so but I will bet you are much smaller than hubby - there is more than one way of doing these things - different styles of depends that go on differently might help you - PLUS did you know about adaptive clothing that have pants that don't have to be pulled up & down the regular way - I used 'SILVERTS' for my mom but there was a section of men too

Due to knee problems I dress sitting down so that I am never on just 1 foot because I don't want to fall - you are going to have to adapt how you are doing this before he takes you down with him & you end up in hospital with a broken led/arm/hip .... then what will happen to him - so this is to benefit both of you

There are companies that sell adaptive clothing like slacks that have two-way zippers on the whole length of the outside of the leg. https://www.silverts.com/show.php/product/41300-mens-easy-zipper-pants-great-for-arthritis-catheters-paralysis-2-way-zippers-easy-access-clothing/alt-web. Then, it's more a matter of rolling the person to one side or the other. This might help as well. When I responded before about my dad using a "trapeze" attached to the bed, I forgot to mentioned that using it was a form of physical therapy and he actually stengthened his core using it which enabled him to improve. Hope this helps.

Do you have children that could help you get him either into an assisted living facility or have hospice or some other nursing service come in at least one o r two times a week. Towards the end I let my husband wear sweat pants and a T Shirt every day. The heck with dressing him. Also, hospice sent a male nurse 2 times week, who helped with bathing and and getting him into sweat pants, etc. Also, talk to his doctor and tell him what is happening and get him to help you notify home help that you need help now. You should not have to continue to do all this by yourself. There are agencies but you need to notify them and if you don't they don't know that you need their assistance.

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Get help before you hurt yourself. There are services that come in the morning for and hour and the same in the evening to help do the routine things. They are not too expensive. They can also teach you the easy way and how to keep your home a home and not a hospital. Best of luck

Wow, you are speaking my language. I have to dress my husband and it requires great strength. Three things:

First, why do you have to put his pants on? Can he not hang around in pajamas for a few days? They are so much more comfortable. In my mom's rc they dress her every morning. Why? I don't see the point. She just goes right back to bed.

Second, I start my husbands pants with him sitting down. I put his feet in and pull them up to his knees (I work out in a gym to be strong enough to bend and maintain my position for this), then he stands and pulls them the rest of the way.

Third, our local caregivers have a one-hour service (lol) for helping to bathe and dress. It is not expensive ($40). They come twice a week to help my husband shower, etc. I anticipate that the day will come when I need them daily to help him get going. Maybe you are there already or soon?

I highly recommend working out in a gym. I couldn't do this without a lot of strength.

Good luck!

Perhaps you should be looking at facility living for your DH? Do you see this getting better?

My dad fractured his pelvis. I requested one of those triangle shaped bars. Over time, dad improved his upper body strength and was happy that he could lift his backside off the bed (while in bed) to help the cna in the process of getting him dressed. This would mean that you would require a hospital bed for your husband which you will appreciate. I would also recommend that you get some physical therapy for your husband AND that a physical therapist advise/teach you proper technique to keep you safe. You don't want to get injured in the process of aiding your husband. I am concerned for you and your husband's safety.

Get an occupational therapist or an experienced Home Health Aide to show you, but this is really a two-person job. Dressing of people who cannot stand can be done on the bed but it involves turning the person; and given your husband's weight I don't think you should try this yourself unassisted - if you pop a disc or put your shoulder out, where will you both be?

I personally found emptying, cleaning and disinfecting a commode an awful lot easier than changing continence pads! - and then once it's clean, you pop the seat back on and it's not very much different from having a spare chair in the room. Albeit perhaps not a chair you'd deliberately pick to complement your décor.

My husband couldn't stand at all, he was confined to a wheelchair. The best way to dress him ,would be while lying down , then pull everything up as far as you can then do one side at a time when you turn him on his side. I hope this helps.

I see roadblocks that you are setting up for continuing the current situation. You are tired of the medical equipment, knowing you have to have it. You don't want a man in the house to help knowing that you need someone who can better handle the lifting. (I'm not sure about your question of where to put the commode after he uses it??? - it would seem you would put it in a place easy for him to get to, dump the pot after he uses it, and replace it in the commode)

As others have said, you can get in home health folks to come and offer suggestions or show you how to do things a little easier. However they may indicate the need for a different type of equipment - and you aren't really on board for that.

Is it possible that you are at the end of your caregiving road? If so, tell him that you cannot physically lift anymore. If you have the finances, it's time to hire someone FT to take over his daily living tasks. If you cannot afford that, then steer the conversation to him understanding 80 lbs lifting 200lbs, you can't do it because it's killing your back, and there are people trained to do this work with proper equipment at a facility. Maybe he will say it's time to move.

Either get someone in there to help you ( home health), or put him in a facility.  You should not be having to hoist him up at your age.  If you fall, he falls on you, you will more than likely be damaged, and then how will that help the situation?  As far as where to put the BSC, cover it up with a paper towel after rinsing it out and place it back so that he can get to it when he is finished with it.  Also, have a urinal handy.  Men don't have to sit to empty their bladders like women do.  Rinse that out after it has been used and put it within reach for him to reuse.  HH can help you with all of these things, and more.  Give them a try!  Medicare will cover the costs if ordered by your doctor.

You can have home care and learn from that/those people. Don't underestimate what home care workers are capable of doing and what they can teach you.

There are toilet seats that raise the height of the toilet to make it easier to get on and off.

I put puppy pads - plastic on 1 side and absorbent material on the other side on chairs and bed for leakage problems.

You probably have pull up style pants for your hubby. Always start putting them on while he is sitting - over feet and legs as high as you can go. Then he can have them pulled up when he stands briefly - make sure he hold a railing, grab bar, or other unmovable object (never you!). Check for pants for folks with mobility problems. Some of these are easier to manage.

You can hire home aides to deal with bathing, dressing, etc. for mornings and evenings to make it easier for you. The aide doesn't not have to be a live-in. You might also consider adult day care programs to give you a break during the week - to go shopping, to run errands, to complete paperwork/mail/bills...

No depends. They trap moisture and bacteria to cause UTI and smells.
Why pants? Just because he is male?
For my wife, we have for many years, used washable bedpads with a cotton cover sheet for sitting and sleeping.
They are easy to just replace and whisk away to the laundry.
The washable pads hold a lot of moisture. In 7 years we have never had a spill over and Christy pees a lot.
Disposable is nasty. Septic systems are designed to process body waste.

We use a wrap around skirt for lower modesty and a wrap around cape for upper warmth and modesty. We had to cut up '100% cotton' sheets to make a cape,
I had a hospital stay and a home recovery.
I am a male and the same worked well for me.

Cotton, because polyester, even blends, are an irritant.
We learned long ago that babies cry because of that irritation. That diaper rash or heat rash on their back is polyester. We banned any polyester clothing.
If there were a fire, cotton will quickly become ash.
Polyester, even blends, will melt to the skin.
Sometimes sellers lie about the polyester presence.
If suspect, we snip a little and set a flame to see if it turns ash or melts.
Christy is combative, so she especially difficult to dress.
She used to weight 260 lbs and the new way of dressing is so much easier,
The contrast from the way we used to do it is so great that we enjoy the process,
And Christy is always fresh and happy.

For clothing: look up “Adaptive” clothing— lots of places carry this

There are many agencies that will send an HHA or CNA home to help you with this. Please don't put him in a home, it's sad. If he has Medicaid, they will pay for this. Call them and they will start paperwork. You can also call Medicare! They have social worker that will help you with this.
My mom is 101 and she cannot walk, I have someone come every day to bathe her and take her out of the bed on a wheelchair, and go out for a ride to the park.
You can also call his insurance company and they should guide you with it also.
Good luck.

If you will change him in bed you might want a fully electric bed so that you can raise and lower the height of the bed with just a press of a button. It helps your back. Maybe a sit to stand machine might help you get him up to dress. Personally, I prefer pull ups and cut the sides when they need to come off. I just use scissors. I haven’t mastered the tab diapers yet. Can you qualify for skilled nursing. If so, you can get a home health aid to help with dressing, bathing, toileting. At least a few hours a week. Speak to your doctor. I sometimes use a blanket covering legs and lap when staying home and just dress the upper half normally. I also use tear away pants that snap along the side of each leg. Try to dress him while you are sitting down, at least for the socks and part of the pants. Saves your back. I like those hospital socks with grippers on them for safety. Sold at Walmart or amazon or any medical supply store online.

i would ask the doctor to get a physical therapist or occupational therapist to come to the home to show you how to best move him and dress him. The good ones can be lifesavers.

i leave a commode out and I have furniture moved into the kitchen and medical equipment all over. It is what it is I guess. Makes cleaning a challenge though.

Last thing, I think most people would protest going to a nursing home but if that is the best choice, please don’t feel guilty. Patients don’t really know how difficult it can be to care for them properly.

I would look into doing his bowel management in bed as previously suggested. It can help put them on a "schedule" or at least a routine that is easier to manage. I would also suggest an overnight urinary bag for the bed wetting problem.
I know none of this stuff we deal with is easy and can be mentally draining. Empathy seems to help get me though those frustrating times.
God Bless

If he is in a wheelchair all the time or in bed I have a few suggestions that the Hospice CNA gave me and they work GREAT! a bit unconventional but they work.
1.Pants. Hopefully you are dressing him in pull on pants like the fleece type. And do not use sweat pants that have elastic at the ankle.
Take a pair of scissors and cut the pants. Start about 3 inches behind the side seam and cut a "U" shape out going up to the same point on the other side of the pants. You are cutting out the Butt portion of the pants.
Now with him seated in the wheelchair you can pull pants on and then tuck the waist around behind him. This makes it easier to get pants on and off and it eliminates bulk of fabric and wrinkles that can cause skin irritation.
If you go out you can put "regular" pants on him or just make sure there is a lap blanket tucked around him in case the pants slip.

2. Shirts.
Take your scissors and at the bottom center of the back of the shirt cut all the way up to the neck but do not cut through the neck.
You can now slip the shirt over his head and get his arms in and then tuck the rest of the shirt around. Again no bulk of fabric at the back and no wrinkles. And you do not have to lean him forward to get the shirt into place.

3.Foot wear. If there is no need for shoes don't bother with them.
I got nice "memory foam" slippers that sort of looked like a deck shoe or loafer and I would slip those on. No socks. After showering I would dry the feet well, apply the cream I used then the shoes. His feet always seemed cold so I would sometimes slip on a pair of super warm socks but I would not put the slippers back on. I liked to keep his heels floating and the shoes with the bulky socks was a lot of weight pulling on the ankles.

4. Stop using pull up briefs and switch to tab type briefs. They will be easier for you to change as you will not have to get him to stand to pull them up.

5 Get good under pads for the wheelchair and the bed. There are many good washable ones on the market as well as disposable ones.

If your husband has strength in upper body you might try getting a Sit-to-Stand it will make transferring him so much easier. If he does not have the strength to hold on to the arm of the machine then you would be much better off with a Hoyer Lift.
I know more equipment! But and this is my number 1 thing...SAFETY Your safety as well as his. You can not afford to injure yourself and I am sure you do not want him hurt in the process.
If this is something that you do not think you can do by yourself and safely it might be time to consider help. Either in the house or moving him or both of you to a facility where you can both get the help you need.

You do Need Help, I can see it, But yes, There are Professional Woman Aides who can Help, Look into it, Or Continue to be Frustrted Here, Dear..I see a Facility he Needs to be in as well.

#1 Dont use Pull Ups as they are too hard to put on and off.

Use the regular Adult Diapers and they can be easily changed when he is lying down in bed.

My Father doesn't stand very well and I purchased what they call Slero Shirts on line from J C Penny's.
They make dressing my Dad easy.

But the 100 % cotton ones as they are soft and breathable and the have a few buttons down the neck and a pocket which my Dad really likes so he can put his handkerchief in.

They are easy to put on and easy to lift up for him to go to the potty.

They are very comfotable and come in a variety of colors to have one per day for a week.

This way he can be relaxed and comfortable and only where a shirt and shorts when going out.

I find shorts a lot easier to maneuver and he can always use a blanket to cover his legs.

In regards to the potty chair, I actually have one potty that fits right over the commode.

I dressed my father in bed.when it got to that, but before, I used a Velcro waist lift to get.him into a standing position, and pulled his clothes up one handed. That waist lift was a.savior as he'd had a paralyzed left side and then the hospital pulled his.stroke side arm out of the socket trying to lift him. Always have the bed or locked wheelchair handy, so if he does go down it's to the bed or on the chair. I don't mean to be rude, but your house is a mini hospital now. Why is he wetting the.bed when you should have a bed pad and depends on hand? Take care, and God bless. You'll have your house back soon enough, but then you'll have him to miss.

I can understand as I went through the same things with my husband and we put him in a care home , where I had to go up nearly every day to shave him cut his nails and literally had to keep him clean I didn’t fancy having people in my home as I am 89 but I needed help so I brought him home with carers best thing I ever did he is happier as am I , have hours off to do my shopping these homes are disgusting and understaffed considering the money they charge should all be run by government not private

If you opt to hire help I hope you have a very healthy bank account. Sitters (who do nothing but sit, no hands on care) is $20 an hour. Hands on care is about double that. Nobody is going to work for free. Consider if he falls just how dangerous that will be, and you may even get injured lugging around dead weight. The fact he is 200 pounds will put an enormous strain on your back.

Hospital beds are very helpful -- you can get his doctor to write an order for that, and hoyer lifts. Pay attention to skin breakdown if he's sitting all the time. Decubitus ulcers can quickly form and it will require aggressive daily dressing changes. But you may be forced to consider nursing home placement--even so you need to visit often and do daily skin inspections including the buttocks

It's possible to do this while he's lying in bed. I know it seems daunting. I was daunted before I did it. But even my first time wasn't as bad as I feared. Now, I can change grandma in about 5 minutes. Top, pants and diaper. It's all about rolling and tucking.

What kind of bed do you have? If it's a big bed, you should at least get a twin. You need to be able to step around to both sides. Better yet, you need a hospital bed. Being able to move it up and down really helps a lot. A bed pad makes rolling so much easier. It's hard to rolls someone by gripping or tugging. It's easy to roll them by grabbing the pad under them by the corners and pulling up.

Using the same technique, I can even change her sheets and pads while she's still in bed.

My 92 yo mother w dementia doesn’t walk or stand & when she was in SNF, they used stand assist lift. So I bought one out of pocket to use in the house. But Medicare sent hoyer too. She never used it & they kept billing me & it was taking up space. But if I didn’t have the other one that helps her stand, I would have kept it. So we put her on commode with that & put her in wheelchair & hospital bed. The private pay aide transfers her manual to stairlift chair that goes down stairs. I can’t transfer her as she is dead weight & doesn’t assist.
Her CNA taught me how to use lift when she was in SNF.
But I’m 60 & good health...for how long....?? if I were you I’d put husband in facility...
hugs🤗