He also has stage 4 prostate cancer, and heart disease from a heart attack and bypasses years ago. So he is sick, but he is far from unable to contribute in some ways. He just does so little for our household; never did much before, but it’s almost nothing now. My 93 year old father also lives with us, and does more than my 72 year old husband; he cooks, picks up after himself, and does that being blind in one eye. My husband just piddles and tries to make it look like he is contributing, only when someone is looking and only takes out garbage twice a week (and not in between when it’s full.) I am getting counseling, but I am sick of doing almost everything for 18 years. Anniversary is coming up and I am not in the mood to do anything, as he has just taken advantage of me for years and now I have to take care of him! His son and grandsons came for Christmas, but I had to handle all meal prep, beddings, house cleaning, and they are so rude and messy. I had 50 of my family at once for Christmas Eve and they didn’t mess up and disrespect my home at all! I am just so tired, and I don’t want my sweet children to see me bitter and resentful. I also work fulltime.

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He sounds like my stepdad who passed in November. Mum described him as getting slower and slower and more child like. He too rarely did anything around the house, that was all up to Mum. He might have taken the dog for a walk 3-4 times a week but that was it.

Luckily his daughter is a gem and when she would come to visit she pitched in, she never expected to be waited upon.

What is he went to a day program or the seniors centre. If he was out from under your feet, and out of the house, would it be easier to have lower expectations of him?
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TerriLou Jan 2019
Yes, thank you so much for responding. It is just as you say, he’s becoming less active and more childlike every day. If the action or activity is fun for him, then like a child, that is what he chooses. But my eyes see a physically able adult, even though my intellect knows better, and emotionally I guess I feel abandoned and overwhelmed, and since he did little to help me to begin with, there’s also resentment. He does still go with a friend to 4 AA meetings per week. Those evenings are such a respite for me and my Dad. But anytime I am home and not at work, depression sets in. I know that in many ways I am fortunate, but I feel so alone and fearful of the future. I know I just need to take a day at a time; I’m just in limbo and very down. Thank you so much.
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