Your profile says: I am 62 care for my husband who has diabetes neuropathy and is in constant pain no intimacy because it hurts.don’t know how to cope married 36 yearsDint know if I can do this anymore so depressed because he is a good man
How do you cope with a sexless marriage? You just do. Or you look elsewhere for sex which for me would be a deal breaker in a marriage. Or you get a toy & learn to pleasure yourself. Your husband is a 'good man who's in constant pain' so you can't expect him to want to engage in gymnastics in the bedroom. Hopefully he has a pain management doctor but even then, pain isn't always well managed; I know, I live with constant pain myself.
Sometimes situations change in a marriage when we get older and can no longer perform as we were once able to. That's life. Is it wonderful? No, not at all, but it often comes with the territory as disease & other issues take over. What if it were you who was in constant pain & your husband was writing this post? What steps would you take to make him feel loved w/o actual intercourse taking place? Affection & love can be shown in multiple ways; through touch, actions, words & deeds.
If you are lonely, join a book club or go out to lunch regularly with your friends. If you leave a good man due to his chronic pain & inability to please you sexually, you may wind up even lonelier than you are now. I suggest you find ways to engage with HIM now that will bring you both some more mutual satisfaction. If you can't accomplish that at all, then maybe you should consider divorce.
Wishing you the best of luck and your husband to find help with his chronic pain management.
You seem to have wonderful insight into what the cause of the irritability is. If your hubby is having inadequately addressed pain then there is a way to try to address that. First of all talk to him about his pain. What it is, where it is, and what you both have tried, what the doctor has tried. Get your thoughts together and go together to the doctor to tell him that the fact he is in so much pain is changing his very life in every aspect, and your own as well. There are so many ways to share intimacy and affection. Some include gentle massage and touching, and you might consider starting there if he is open to that approach. Simply searching what's on Prime and Netflix with a bowl of popcorn and hand holding is intimacy as well. Forgive me if this is already tried long ago, but first talk to your hubby. Don't make it about you, but about him. If you mention yourself tell him you are frustrated that he is in pain and there is nothing you can do for him, no way to bring him joy. If he tells you he just wants to be "LEFT ALONE" (and this can happen with depression and chronic pain), then tell him you are there for him, and want to help if he thinks of a way you can. Then try to find your own resources, be it a good True Crime show or a good book, a knitting class. I sure am sorry and wish you the very best.
You cope by giving him patience, understanding and compassion, and by putting yourself in his shoes. How would you be if you lived in constant pain? I'm sure it's no fun. Would you feel like being intimate when you're in constant pain? I'm guessing not. I'm hoping he's seeing a good pain doctor along with a therapist for his issues and perhaps you might want to talk to a therapist as well to try and put things in a better perspective. And while it may be normal to want to leave sometimes, might I suggest instead that you start doing more things with your girlfriends, volunteer at a charity of your choice, take some exercise classes at the gym or find things that bring you joy, just to give you a break from what you're dealing with at home. You might just be surprised how that will help with your perspective, and give you the strength to carry on. As you already know I'm sure that married life isn't all fun and games. We must take the good with the bad. That's what us married folks vowed to do, so hang in there. You're stronger than you know, and with God's help you can do anything. May God bless you and keep you.
I am 62 care for my husband who has diabetes neuropathy and is in constant pain no intimacy because it hurts.don’t know how to cope married 36 yearsDint know if I can do this anymore so depressed because he is a good man
How do you cope with a sexless marriage? You just do. Or you look elsewhere for sex which for me would be a deal breaker in a marriage. Or you get a toy & learn to pleasure yourself. Your husband is a 'good man who's in constant pain' so you can't expect him to want to engage in gymnastics in the bedroom. Hopefully he has a pain management doctor but even then, pain isn't always well managed; I know, I live with constant pain myself.
Sometimes situations change in a marriage when we get older and can no longer perform as we were once able to. That's life. Is it wonderful? No, not at all, but it often comes with the territory as disease & other issues take over. What if it were you who was in constant pain & your husband was writing this post? What steps would you take to make him feel loved w/o actual intercourse taking place? Affection & love can be shown in multiple ways; through touch, actions, words & deeds.
If you are lonely, join a book club or go out to lunch regularly with your friends. If you leave a good man due to his chronic pain & inability to please you sexually, you may wind up even lonelier than you are now. I suggest you find ways to engage with HIM now that will bring you both some more mutual satisfaction. If you can't accomplish that at all, then maybe you should consider divorce.
Wishing you the best of luck and your husband to find help with his chronic pain management.
There are so many ways to share intimacy and affection. Some include gentle massage and touching, and you might consider starting there if he is open to that approach. Simply searching what's on Prime and Netflix with a bowl of popcorn and hand holding is intimacy as well.
Forgive me if this is already tried long ago, but first talk to your hubby. Don't make it about you, but about him. If you mention yourself tell him you are frustrated that he is in pain and there is nothing you can do for him, no way to bring him joy. If he tells you he just wants to be "LEFT ALONE" (and this can happen with depression and chronic pain), then tell him you are there for him, and want to help if he thinks of a way you can. Then try to find your own resources, be it a good True Crime show or a good book, a knitting class. I sure am sorry and wish you the very best.
I'm hoping he's seeing a good pain doctor along with a therapist for his issues and perhaps you might want to talk to a therapist as well to try and put things in a better perspective.
And while it may be normal to want to leave sometimes, might I suggest instead that you start doing more things with your girlfriends, volunteer at a charity of your choice, take some exercise classes at the gym or find things that bring you joy, just to give you a break from what you're dealing with at home. You might just be surprised how that will help with your perspective, and give you the strength to carry on.
As you already know I'm sure that married life isn't all fun and games. We must take the good with the bad. That's what us married folks vowed to do, so hang in there. You're stronger than you know, and with God's help you can do anything.
May God bless you and keep you.