Mom's husband of 19 years said he was leaving as soon as she didn't recognize him and he did. He lived off mom through the marriage. It was her home and the bills came out of her account. He had enough money to last him the rest of his life from a multi million dollar settlement he got from his son. Gave me flack for asking him to pitch in. Told me he gave mom $25,000. This was when mom had moderate dementia so who knows where the money went. Refused to help pay a penny for her caregivers. He figured if he wasn't getting mom's house, he wasn't giving anything to her. It was a second marriage so mom did a prenup due to him having the habit of giving everything he had to his loser adult children and others who would easily take advantage of him. She didn't want what she worked so hard for going to his "kids" if something was to happen to her. Constantly yelled at me that she's an adult and can take care of herself though she looked and smelled like homeless due to not bathing or taking care of herself. Took her to casino spending all her money in midst of moderate dementia.

I finally got mom caregivers and I was the bad guy for helping her smell good and be taken care of. Mom finally fell and needed 24 hr care she couldn't afford at home. Mom had to go in memory care. My out of state relatives hate me because when he left he told them I put mom in a nursing home and he can't afford to live in the state. He's a millionaire mind you and left out the part that he was leaving when she didn't recognize him anymore. He also told them I sold mom's house and that the money would be going to me. Truth is she wasn't living there anymore so the house needed to be sold and the money is used for her care. I'm the bad guy again for taking care of mom. What's wrong with relatives who believe this guy and feel sorry for him over blood relatives? They refused to see me when they came out to see my mom recently and mom's place is 8 minutes away. I think they also didn't want to see my husband because he's very type A and gets just as upset and sometimes more upset than me over the situation. Before coming out they didn't even call me. They had my cousin ask on facebook where my mom lived and then I found out they were coming out when I asked. I wanted so much to explain the truth to them, but husband convinced me to let it and them go. He said then I would look like the crazy one because they still wouldn't believe the truth. I already told my cousin I was not happy about my uncle not calling and she turned things around on me making me look like the bad guy for expecting him to call before coming out. I guess at least they're all out of state and I don't have to deal with them. Anyone else have this craziness? How sad!

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Your Mom knew what he was like and still married him? He must have a lot of charisma.

I can understand the MC thing. People just have no idea how caring for someone with Dementia takes so much out of and away from those trying to care for them. I was one of those people who thought "why didn't they take care of their parent instead of a nursing home". Young and naive. Over the years I learned especially with my Mom.

Isn't it funny your family believes him and not you. Didn't his "true colors" show themselves after a time. And what does his having to leave the state have to do with you. He is not your father. Sounds like you have never had a relationship with him anyway.

Like they say, you can't pick your relatives. Be glad they don't live close by. And remember, you owe them nothing.
Helpful Answer (2)

Rose, I know that this has to be a difficult situation for you. Before my mother's siblings realized how bad her Alzheimer's/ Dementia was they questioned me about things they should not have. My mother's sister was the worse, because my mom always took care of her and her sister really did not want to see me controlling the purse strings. You can't convince some folk, so don't try to explain, especially if they aren't asking but merely making assumptions. Sometimes the harder you try to convince them the more it seems that you are not telling the truth. I pray that this works out for you.
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Rose, my reply has always been 'you don't like the care that I've arranged? Then when will you be coming here to take over the responsibility'? It's very simple - she who gets the midnight calls from the staff at memory care about an emergency and deals with mom's tears whenever its necessary gets to make all of the decisions and doesn't have to listen to anyone else. I learned a long time ago that just because someone is 'family' doesn't mean you are stuck with them forever. I would cut off contact with all toxic people in your life and move forward.

Hopefully there will be justice one day and the deadbeat husband will get his in the end (May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch).
Helpful Answer (8)

Rose - i have found that with people who only want to see and say something negative about you - they will turn anything you say or do to make it sound as if you are up to something. If that is their perspective - just cut them out of your life. You don't need this.

Anyone who did really care would ask for your side of the story. Apparently they enjoy the gossip and pearl clutching "oh, she did WHAT?" to anything truthful.

You are doing the right thing for your mom.
Helpful Answer (5)

Rose, sometimes we have to be content with the fact that WE know that we are doing the right thing, even though our relatives who may be ignorant, misogynistic or brainwashed, think we are in the wrong.

From your other posts, it is clear that you are a good and caring daughter.

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