This has been a long-term problem. In the morning I go in to give my mother her medicine, but the first thing out of her mouth is not good morning, but where is this or you didn't help with that. I can feel myself bristle when she goes on about criticizing me. I know I should not say something back sarcastically but I feel so annoyed. If it were not for me she would not have anything at all. She lives in my house and has caregivers come 7 days a week. It has come to the point where I dread going in to see her. I know she is old and ill, but she has become so rude and at other times she overdoes the praise that it makes it sound insincere. I love my mother but I don't like to be around her.

Your Mom has ALZ/Dementia. They cannot be reasoned with. They lose their filter. They cannot be conditioned. Their short term memory is gone. Would she even remember you were in the room 15 min before? Their minds just go from one thing to another.

Its the desease. Just try not to let it bother you. I know its hard but Mom is not Mom.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29

Well, there is sarcasm and there is sarcasm.

For example, if you were to respond to her morning demands with "and the top of the morning to you too, mother dearest. I hope you slept well? I did, yes, thanks for asking..." there would be a certain amount of sarcasm involved, I admit, but it wouldn't have to be acid or unkind.

Or you can give her her medicine without attempting to speak, as though you were opening the cat food or letting out the dog. No need for a conversation, it's a purely functional routine.

Or, you can adjust her schedule and send her meds in when the caregivers arrive. If you're bristling to the point where you're afraid of or for yourself, that might be a necessary break.

When did you last *get* a break, by the way?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Countrymouse

You are in a position to give some quick feedback. Tell her that you won't stay in the room unless she greets you with something pleasant, and put it into practice. Walk out immediately. Repeat at 15 minute intervals. She can have her medicine a bit late until she gets the picture.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen

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