This has been a long-term problem. In the morning I go in to give my mother her medicine, but the first thing out of her mouth is not good morning, but where is this or you didn't help with that. I can feel myself bristle when she goes on about criticizing me. I know I should not say something back sarcastically but I feel so annoyed. If it were not for me she would not have anything at all. She lives in my house and has caregivers come 7 days a week. It has come to the point where I dread going in to see her. I know she is old and ill, but she has become so rude and at other times she overdoes the praise that it makes it sound insincere. I love my mother but I don't like to be around her.
Its the desease. Just try not to let it bother you. I know its hard but Mom is not Mom.
For example, if you were to respond to her morning demands with "and the top of the morning to you too, mother dearest. I hope you slept well? I did, yes, thanks for asking..." there would be a certain amount of sarcasm involved, I admit, but it wouldn't have to be acid or unkind.
Or you can give her her medicine without attempting to speak, as though you were opening the cat food or letting out the dog. No need for a conversation, it's a purely functional routine.
Or, you can adjust her schedule and send her meds in when the caregivers arrive. If you're bristling to the point where you're afraid of or for yourself, that might be a necessary break.
When did you last *get* a break, by the way?