I have read so many forums and posts over the years and have posted a few times asking for help under usernames I cannot remember but you all have helped me tremendously over the years!
I am reaching out to see how you all have handled and managed to help someone who refuses to let us get them outside help or put them into a NH after we have explained many times that their needs are greater then we can take on?
Every time we mention getting in outside help, the answer is always a hard no and they get very argumentative saying they have a plan and they don’t need our help either. This clearly is not the truth as we are always getting phone calls and being put into situations we do not want to be in.
The level of care we are willing to provide and are comfortable offering is cleaning, laundry, food shopping, companionship and assisting with medical appointments. We have made it very clear that we will never help with hands on care taking needs.
We are now being put into situations of helping with toileting and other things that we do not want to do. I understand that these are parts of life and many people help with these things but this is completely out of the realm of my comfort level.
She is offended and hurt that we will not let her live with us and we have explained to her many times that it’s not personal, this is not something we can handle. Caretaking is a 24/7 job and as her health continues to decline rapidly we would like to get her the help she needs but she refuses. She wants us to drop everything and devote ourselves to her and all of her needs with open arms.
She does not have dementia as far as we know.
Any pointers on how to get a combative, stubborn elderly loved one to comply and accept they need help and we cannot provide it.
TYIA and have a blessed day!