Follow
Share

This is more a question borne of frustration then of me expecting an answer. It seems like selective dementia at times, but I know this happens to other caregivers as well. Our loved ones can’t remember that they just ate once the plate is gone, nor that you are answering the question he/she just asked you because the question no longer exists in the memory of our loved one. However, if our loved one gets upset with us, all kinds of nasty words come flooding back and are spewed at us over and over again. It seems that upsetting thoughts stick in the mind of our loved ones for hours or even days at times. Happy thoughts though seem to come and go as quickly as they came. What is going on????

Because people suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia don’t remember the What, they remember the How.

How they felt, and usually they feel attacked because of their lack of control (can’t remember which way are the stairs, or where are the glasses in the kitchen, etc). These insecurities make them act defensively, therefore that defines how they feel at any specific point in time and that is what they remember. It is predominantly an emotional memory.

Extremely recommend to watch Teepa videos. They are tremendously enlightening for caregivers and will help you realize that most actions and reactions don’t originate in an unpleasant personality but a true illness not easy at all to deal with for the caregiver and the person being cared for.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Rosses003
Report
Alzh101 Jan 2, 2019
Thank you.
(0)
Report
Inability to be nice or civil on occasion becomes the norm. Unresolved issues surface and resurface. Unfiltered, politically incorrect answers/words spew out. All diplomacy and negotiating abilities are sometimes lost. Nasty words they never would think to say before, spew out.

They can be manipulative, unkind and often can't help themselves. Sundowners Syndrome can make the situation worse.

Wrong medications or combinations of medications can make matters worse. Read about the medications your elder is taking. Consult with a geriatric physician or the family physician.

Take the good times or moments cherish them as many as there are.

My mom, I am convinced in her "lucid" moments is terrified knowing what is happening to her. She fights the inevitable, becomes nasty unable to deal with what is happening.

I try not to react to the nastiness and sometimes it is very hard. Especially when mom brings up unresolved issues from the past that can't be changed

Give yourself a break  Take time out for yourself.
If you have others you can rely on, ask for help.  If no others are available to help,
find a home health care facility or day care center for your elder for a few hours or days.


Best to you. You are kind to try and help your elder.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Roscoe2118
Report
Alzh101 Dec 25, 2018
Thank you Roscoe. I love my mom. Her behavior can get really nasty. Kind of like you stated, I feel it’s her confusion, frustration and fear that’s causing it. I just happen to be the closet target. I’ve spoken with her doc about medication issues, tried the adult daycare and I’ve asked for help from other family members. I just don’t understand how new short term negative memories “stick” yet new short term joyful memories seem to pass through as if they never happened. Are happiness and sadness located in different parts of our brains? Both are intense emotions. Is negativity a stronger force and it takes many more happy things to “overwrite” our internal harddrive? It’s all just so difficult to deal with.
(1)
Report
I’m not sure why this happens either. My mom had dementia, but if I didn’t visit for a few days and then walked into her room at the nursing home, she would sarcastically introduce herself to me. I would consider the source. It’s difficult to let it not bother you, I know.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report
Alzh101 Dec 25, 2018
Thank you Ahmijoy. Yes it’s very difficult for all of us who are dealing with people suffering with Alzheimer’s and other dementias. Again, I love my mom with all her faults, but she sure can make it hard to like her!
(0)
Report
I'm guessing that it may be more of a negative association with a person than an actual outright memory of an event or conversation. 3 months later, I'm still paying for refusing to let my mother "play" me in a situation. I will grant that it's often hard to tell whether she's trying to "play" me or it's just the dementia. Or maybe both! At any rate, she's taken passive aggressiveness to a new height.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Hummer
Report
Alzh101 Dec 25, 2018
Hummer, I think it’s all a crap shoot of how a person who has Alzheimer’s copes with their own dementia. My mom used to be very kind and sweet, so it’s like I’m trying to deal with a complete stranger residing in my mom’s body.
(0)
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter