My dad is in a nursing home in Texas and want to come back to Ohio. Dad is not able to take care of himself and my step mother is not able to take care of him. He has run out of insurance, he thinks he has long-term care with the VA because he is a veteran. I checked with the VA and they say he does not have long term care. I'm trying to find alternative care, like a nursing home in Ohio. The nursing home or the VA will not talk with me unless I have information about his finances with means I need a Power of Attorney to gain access to his accounts. I'm trying to help him and I feel like giving up sometimes, my step is no help because she doesn't comprehend things, but she does not want to give up the control. They have two houses and both homes are not fit for a disable person. My siblings are not understanding the purpose of a POA, they feel all four of us should be my Dad's POA. I spoken to my attorneys and doctors and they all say that is crazy. I want to help my Dad because he wants to come back to Ohio, but this is very frustrating for me. I shouldn't have to feel like I am the bad guy in all this.
Elders often hate giving up what they see as control of their finances because it seems like they are losing more control over their lives. So, an alternative may be that you tell him that this is his choice and you'll accept it, but that he is giving up a chance to go back to Ohio. He may actually go along with your idea - sort of reverse psychology.
If a friend, doctor, attorney or spiritual leader can't convince him to make you his POA, and telling him that he's making the choice doesn't help, you may have to give up, simply knowing that you've done your best. You are the good guy, so don't beat yourself up. Unless your dad can be proven incompetent in court, you won't be able to force him.
Good luck. Please let us know how this turns out.
Carol
tell him that at a point he becomes incapacitated its too late to get poa . he may pass away with his finances frozen and be tossed in a swamp ..
I had the PoA written so that my dad did not need to be deemed incompetent. This way I was able to explain to my dad that he was "sharing" his access with me so that I could pay his bills and take care of taxes, etc. for him. I keep him informed and "ask" his opinion on things that need to be done. When I "ask" about things, I respect his wishes if possible, but occasionally I will gently persuade him.
Why does Dad want to come back to Ohio? Would his wife come, too? I take it they are not living together now -- Dad's in NH and Wife is in one of their two homes? Where would she live in Ohio? Are they estranged? Does Wife visit Dad often? These things don't have much to do with the question of POA, but if we knew the bigger picture we might be able to share some insights.
Doubt anyone wants the state to take over their medical care.
Now, about the VA. Why is there no long term facility care from the VA? I thought the VA took care of all people no longer able to care for themselves. I remember my dad always telling me that he had a place at the VA when he gets sick and can no longer care for himself. Has that changed?
So, don't feel guilty. Let them do it if they're all so smart. That's how I feel about it. Give it to them. Visit dad and tell him how much you love him and let them handle the finances and the really bad stuff that comes with that).
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