Good day, I am please to found this site in hopes of some professional help? I have a mother who is 77 years age no other family but me in Ontario Canada depends on me for constant help. I work full time in another city plus travel and can work 10 hours plus a day.
My mom was a 911 call last Christmas doctors told me for her ready to pass at any moment. Somehow it’s been 8 months now she lives in the living room never seen her upstairs bedroom in this time yet nor can use a washroom. Uses a Komodo and demands me to take her waste out. She still owns a car but hardly goes out. She just spends her day and sometimes night watching cable tv. I tried having serious discussions that my factory job is not enough to have her move. Then tells me her old age pension is not enough. This is costing me relationships, I don’t get time to myself and if I try to talk about anything it’s my duty to take care of her and I should shut up cause I’m stressing her. I do care but this is not marking happy memories for me and don’t know what to do!

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Sadly but frankly I would say to her that she needs more advanced care that you are simply not able to provide since you need to make a living for yourself. I am not familiar with all that can be provided for the elderly in Canada. Quite frankly she is calling the shots and that can't continue. This happens with so many elderly. You need to make provisions for advanced care for her. That is really looking after her best interests regardless of her opinions. Otherwise walk away. This present situation will only interfere with all your well being. She can adjust and you can see her without the intense responsibility she is putting you through despite a demanding job you need for your livelihood.
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Reply to Riverdale

If she has a sound mind she can refuse to do anything and her choices are her own, even the ones you consider bad choices. So if she’s not changing the only one who can change in this is you. You’ll have to decide not to jump when she calls, not to be on call. There are many on this site who are “waiting on the fall” dealing with a parent who won’t budge or change and the adult children have no alternative but to wait out an event that will force change
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Reply to Daughterof1930

As long as you provide help, Mum has no reason to change. So you need to change your behaviour.

First find out about home care options and also Long Term Care options in your community. It maybe easier to start with in home care. Here in BC it is subsidized at $37/day. I am sure Ontario has a similar program.

Here is Canada we have affordable long term care, but there maybe a wait list. We do not have the challenges of having to apply for Medicaid, provide up to 5 years of banking records etc that is needed in the US.

Once you get home card set up, get her on a list for residential care.

But before all that please ensure she has her Will and POA documents in order. If she is mentally competent, get them updated is needed. Make sure the POA gives you authority to sell her house.
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Reply to Tothill

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