This is not really a question but an update. My husband and I have been taking care of his mom for a year at our home. She suffers with dementia. Some days she is very good, she listens and is in a good mood, other days she will hit, spit, kick and curse. We have had to call 911 on several occasions where she went to the hospital for the pet team to send her right back home. Then some days she is like a child and has to have help with everything. We have more of those days than the others now a days. My husband is so out of sorts. His nerves are gone and he’s at his wits' end. He takes care of her when she’s not at daycare or until I get home from work. She is on hospice and they have set it up where she can go somewhere for about a week. It’s respite care. We are finally going to be able to go somewhere ourselves for the week, just me and him. I hope good things keep coming like getting her in a facility full time. It’s just too much for us anymore. This may seem harsh saying this but this is no easy task taking care of someone with dementia. We hope hospice will get her into a facility full time. I hate seeing my husband like this and I will feel better when she can be somewhere where professionals can take care of her. Don’t get me wrong we love her and we know she can’t help her behavior but it’s time she is being taken care of in a facility. I guess I do have a question, has anyone had all this going on with them and their loved one and hospice did get their loved one in a facility soon after respite care? Thank you all for all the input with my other questions, it has really helped!
"BECAUSE" you love her.
My mother had advanced dementia & so many medical issues that I wasn't equipped or trained to handle at home, so why would I even try? It's like trying to care for a sick patient with double pneumonia at home rather than having them admitted to the hospital, thinking "Oh she'll be better off in the comfort of her own home than in a hospital where a staff of medical people can care for her." As if we'd ever consider doing such a thing, yet placement in a Memory Care residence seems like such a horrible thing when it surely is not.
After nearly 3 years in Memory Care and 55 falls, with advanced dementia, my 95 y/o mother was thankfully accepted by hospice AT the Memory Care, so she had a double layer of care which was even better. She passed away this Tuesday and was kept comfortable the entire time by the hospice team & the staff in the Memory Care AL. I was very grateful for the awesome care she was given, and I was able to be with her every day during that last week of her life.
When your MIL goes into respite care at the facility, ask if they have room for her there long term. You'll know she will get 24/7 care and then you and DH can go visit her every day if you'd like. Your husband will get to be a son again, you'll get to be a daughter in law again, instead of exhausted an burned out full time caregivers to a woman with dementia who's become too difficult to handle at home. It's only common sense that she be placed where her care can be managed by a team of people trained to do so.
Wishing you the best of luck.