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A month ago I had a call from the nurse at my Aunts ALF. She's in California and I am in Montana.


I was told that she has become too much for the ALF staff and they think it's time to move her to memory care. I'm scared to death that the move is gonna do her in, but I said that I'm willing to discuss it. I prefer that she has her own room.


The nurse said she would have someone call me to discuss availability! In the meantime, she gave me a list of things needed for my Aunt, because she has started wetting the bed every night.


When I talked to my Aunt today, she has not taken anything out of the Amazon boxes (everything has been there for over 2 weeks). Doesn't want to unpack because she's going home tomorrow (and tomorrow, and tomorrow). I called ALF to find out why the items that they requested are not being used??? I was told that the nurse would call me back. I have yet to receive a call to discuss memory care and the nurse hasn't called me back either. I'm tired and frustrated!! Not the first time my questions have gone unanswered!


Anyone else have this problem??

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In some parts of California, conditions caused by Covid19 can be VERY DIFFICULT.

If the facility has a website, you may have better luck with that.

My personal experience when my LO was diagnosed with Covid, was “No news is good news”. In her facility a fierce battle was being waged, and I decided that as long as I wasn’t notified that she’d died, she must still be alive.
Every time the phone rang, a shock, but ultimately, VICTORY, at 92!

As to moving her to memory care, I see no evidence that my LO WAS “done in”, and she hasn’t lost much since she was moved there two years ago.

Circumstances are brutal, and decisions that are made can’t always be what we want. I feel for you, having to make terrible decisions from far away. I’m still not sure how soon, if ever I’ll be able to see my LO, and FaceTime, although better than nothing, isn’t much help.

If you’ve done the very best you can, even when there’s not much to choose from, that’s all you can do.
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xrayjodib avatar
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xrayjodib May 2020
Thanks Ann,
Unfortunately this has been an issue since I moved my Aunt in last November.
I had the Director's cell number. He would promise to get back to me then drop the ball. Same thing with the "Nurse". They now have a new Director. I have left messages, but no response.
With the quarantine, even her friends are unable to check on things for me.
May sound paranoid, but I'm a little afraid that if I make too many waves, they'll try to boot her out.
That would be a huge issue right now!
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My mom is an Alf facility in NJ. She had covid. They have been wonderful. I was given the number of someone in charge. To call anytime. I would call every other day. He would personally check on her and call me back within minutes. I also talked to her doctor and the nurses there several times. They were hit hard and some died. No one was prepared. But I am very happy how it was handled. At least in regard to my mothers. We also FaceTime and I’m able to have window visits now.
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AnnReid May 2020
Same here. I’ve thanked God many times that she’s in her wonderful MC, and all the more since this.

I’m sure some of her caregivers are LITERALLY Angels on Earth.
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Yes, Have been there. Two of the three NH's my mom was in for rehab were remiss on returning my calls. One place actually had an odd phone system that would not work some of the time. It caused me a lot of worry. Then the same place would sometimes call back and staff seemed somewhat hostile and put out by having to return a call. I had to keep at them. I hope you get an answer soon!
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We are having the same problem. I know they are busy but days go by without a response to questions- some urgent. They have one iPad for Zoom or Facetime meetings and it's locked up when the "person who knows how to work it" is not there. Please. My 90 year old mom can "work" an iPad.

We are looking for other facilities. Luckily, this one has not had a virus problem and the patient reports that the food is good. So, we're not happy with the communication but we're counting our blessings.

Other facilities seem to be better adapted for telecommunications. Especially in these trying times, facilities should hire staff that does nothing but communicate with the families.
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We moved mom to a memory care assisted living care facility during the Corona virus {5 weeks ago}. She is finally eating better. She has her own “apartment”....a large room and bath... but has staff assist her all day long. Meals are in a tiny dining room...only 12 residents per community...We call a few times a week , some calls are video calls, and we also see her at a glass door where we can chat a bit. Our mom packs weekly and says she is moving. But also says it is nice where she lives. Prior to the move mom was forgetting to use her pads for incontinence issues, got lost in the halls, was throwing meals away and her apartment was constantly in turmoil. She had lost 15# in a month. She is now stable and safe. Memory care has a lot of benefits. We are very pleased we moved her.
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If the facility she is in wants her to move to memory care, she will probably have to. It is puzzling that you had to order incontinence supplies for her. There are people with incontinence in assisted living.

if they have assisted living and memory care at her facility, it is a simple transfer. If not, you will need to find a facility and move her there. New patients are being admitted to places and there are facilities where there have not been any cases.

call facility and ask to speak to director of nursing or the facility director. Tell them you expect
a call in 2 hours. If you don’t get a call back, go higher to corporate office.
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Call the executive director. I do it every time staff is non-responsive. It usually works. I am lucky that I have their cell phone numbers, so I also text them. They respond quickly to this.
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Same trouble here. I feel so out of the loop. It finally landed dad in rehab/skilled nursing last week because of the lack of attention he's getting. When he went to AL last fall, we had also hired private caregivers 3 days a week. Since March, they have not been allowed to be there. Then he went from skilled nursing to the hospital, which is where he is now, because he fell (he had already fallen twice at AL right before they moved him). They tell me he is doing much better and will decide today or tomorrow whether he is going back to rehab for further PT or back to AL or somewhere else. This is such a roller coaster. I have trouble getting calls/emails returned from AL because I know they are stretched so thin right now.
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Call the director and if no answer, contact ombudsman office in that area. They can't call you and request YOU do certain things and never call you back as they said. Of course, with covid, any discussion of moving might be off the table for now. You could try one more msg for nurse that states - if I don't hear from you before noon tomorrow, I will be calling someone of higher authority.
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TrishM May 2020
Have been in contact with Director Head of nursing staff, in regards to our mom with dementia who is in an a Memory care unit.
We have many issues they were not addressing. She has a full Hospice team we had assigned to her. We had to request meet at the home to get things addressed. March 13-20. Before the crisis.
1) Hospice caregiver showers her 2×week.
2) Two Hospice nusrse that dress a wound on her leg daily. Received from a wheelchair that got pushed into it by a client.
3) Hospice nurse who evaluates her once a month, does a care plan. Monitors medications
4) Hospice primary doctor on duty, for any required medical need or attention...
5) special doctor for eye appointments- my sister takes her to all specialist care appointments.
6) Wound clinic for leg.
She walks with a walker. Needs help dressing, and requires full care. Can feed her self.
Thats is why shes in a MEMORY CARE UNIT, her mind is gone and she will continue to loose all abilities at one point.. memory care unit.
Now Hospice cannot come in. They are required to now take care of her.
shower not in a month...THEIR answer is. She has rights and if she says NO they simple don't do it . And they don't. We have to ask the head of nursing to address this? Yes you do.
Do not waste time on ODBUSMAN office. Only will do metiation. They can't go in at this time and inspect or talk to anyone.
Next step is your
AHCA (888)-419-3456 can go in and site them if issues.
Adult protective services
1-800-962-2873
And your corporate office.
Good luck
Forgot we have cameras installed our mom apartment. APPROVED BY the HOME so no one confussed...and see the care levels she gets we have monitor for falls, and we can coummication to her. We are appointed by a court for guardian and conservatorship for our Mom. Read your contract. And if you have options us them. Our mom is 96 and diagnosed since 2013.
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The move to Memory Care is not doing to do her in. If it's time for that level of care, then it's time.
I agree-- go to the top and make your requests.
Be a little more patient at this time. I can't imagine what the staff at ALFs are going through right now. My guess is that that is why they haven't gotten to the boxes yet, hopefully not out of lack of concern or interest.
Are you the main caretaker? If so, why are you so far apart? Can she be moved closer to you, once it's safe?
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xrayjodib avatar
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xrayjodib May 2020
Rabanett,
I absolutely agree with you!
I have the utmost respect for anyone who is a full time caregiver right now!!
One of my worries is that I was told that my Aunt is wetting the bed every night. They only do laundry once a week. Is my Aunt sleeping in soiled sheets and pajamas??
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Can you text them? I find that works fairly well. My problem is that the follow-thru is very inconsistent, even when I contact the Executive Director. At one point I wrote a letter to corporate, registered, return receipt. I didn't hear anything for about a week, so I called. The gatekeeper who answered barricaded me from speaking to someone in higher authority & defended the ED! At least with texting you have a record of dates & times. I hesitate to push too far since I worry that my LO would be mistreated. I like the care staff here & I've already moved LO so many times. I don't like the ED, but it appears he's being protected for some reason.
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I continue to have issues with return calls. My dad had to go to skilled nursing and now he is in the hospital. They want clothes for him so they can send him back to skilled nursing or elsewhere. I will have to have the AL people get them for me since no visitors are allowed and I'm not even visiting him! I don't suspect my dad will be coming back to the AL and we will have to move him out but I doubt they will let me in his room to do so. Are they going to pack his stuff? I know he hoards money and he may have it stashed around his room. But right now, they won't let me in to look. I am his legal guardian. You would think that holds some weight but I guess not. I am fully prepared to go in masks, gloves, whatever it takes. Maybe i'm making too much of this. Has anyone had to move their loved one out of their place during all of this?
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