Grieving the loss of my mother today. She doesn't realize it is my birthday. What do I do?

My mother too forgot my birthday in her last three years. I know you don't take it personally and I truly empathize with you feeling depressed as episodes like this are just another validation of how bad our parent's diagnosis of dementia truly is. Its heartbreaking to realize a disease like dementia can cause your own mother to forget her daughter's birthday. It's ok to be sad.

This probably hit you hard this year because again it reminds us of how much is lost due to our parent's horrible disease and knowing we can't do much about it.

I empathize with you Lisa as I've been where you are. It's like you  have already began the grieving process for the loss of what used to be. Caregivers of family members with dementia sort of begin the grieving process years before the person actually passes away - no wonder it's emotionally draining. 

Hang in there, my fellow Jersey girl! 

Happy Birthday to you! Today is my birthday too. My mom hasn't remembered my birthday for three years. I went to see her today at her nursing home. Had a nice visit..I got in my car to drive home and the tears just started falling. I got home and hubby and I went to the Diner for dinner. We sat down at our table and told him what happened and again the tears started. Got myself together ate my dinner, didn't want dessert. Heard Happy Birthday being sung and here it's for me with a piece of my favorite chocolate cake, the tears started again. I don't know what was different this year.

Dear NoRecess,

I'm very sorry to hear how you feel. It is extremely hard to see our parents decline and lose their memory. And its especially hard when they don't remember our birthdays anymore.

I hear you. Its a long road caring for an elderly parent. We all start to feel like when will it get better? Or how long will this last? It almost feels unbearable at times. Try to give yourself a break if possible. Or try to look for resources in the community or through church.

It is your special day. I will be thinking of you. Happy Birthday! And I hope you will do something for yourself. Or will be able to be with friends or family to celebrate a little.

Sadly when it comes to special days, such as birthdays, if we are dealing with a parent who has memory loss it just comes with the territory that they will forget dates.

My Dad had mild dementia, mainly sundowning, but it was always my Mom who would keep a record of birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Thus when she passed, I figured my Dad may not know it was my birthday, even though I am an only child.

I don't know if your Mom still has the ability to understand the calendar or not. My Dad knew the days because he kept up with the daily newspaper and watched the world news around the clock. But birth dates, forget about it.  That was ok, because he remembered all the other 60+ birthdays :)