I am retired, but this is not how I imagined my retirement would be. What can I do?

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My husband is 79 and lost his vision in 2000 to macular degeneration. Of course he is very dependent on me for everything. We have recently discovered that he is in the early stages of dementia. However, the things that he's been doing would lead me to believe it is progressing quickly. His children offer no support whatsoever. He is also a binge drinker. I also have an 87 year old mother who I have supported thru three episodes of breast cancer, numerous TIA's, massive stroke, and recently a broken arm and hip. She is in assisted living after being in/out of hospitals, nursing homes, and rehab. Since I'm an only child, she puts a lot of demands on me. After all the TIA's and major stroke, she too is showing memory loss. My weeks fill up fast. I'm always in the car going to doctors or running errands. I'm trying to find a support group in my area. I need SOMEONE to talk to. I am tired and my patience is running thin. It's becoming less and less frequently that I take time for myself. I'm burned out.

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Your Mom is in a safe place. She has assistance, other people and 3 meals a day. Explain to her again and for the last time, that you have a husband to care for. That she is being cared for. That you can't be there for her all the time. If visiting everyday, you may want to cut down. If husband can be left alone get out for a while. Does he have a friend who will visit. Same with Mom, see if friends will visit. If she was a member of a church, see if visitation with some of the Church ladies can be set up.
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I do get help from time to time. In fact, I just had a full one week trip away from him, but I still have the burnout. I will write more tonight, have things to do. but am glad I found this site to meet some other caregivers!!! :) I need to work on my attitude for sure!
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Beyond, do you have any caregiving help coming in?
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I just retired, not really by choice. Husbands health issues forced me to retire 3 years early. My retirement is taking care of him. I've been caring for him and his health issues for 20 years. I have total caregiver burnout and just want to leave but I can't. All my good years (age 42 to 63) are gone now and I'm angry that I'm getting older and this is my life. I want out but can't leave. I'm totally unhappy.
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Yes, I have started saying "no". Some things just aren't realistic. My mom and I did not have a great relationship when I was growing up. She had me when she was 17 and was always resentful of the attention my dad (who was 12 years older than her) would give me. I agree she pays a lot of money to stay where she is and they should be fulfilling a number of her needs.
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Stinker, WELCOME!!!!!

My goodness, you have a lot on your plate!

I have this theory of life about other people's needs.

I have to take care of my physical and mental self. If not me, who else will do that? If I'm not here, who is going to take care of the folks depending on me?

Next in line are minor children. Doesn't sound like you have any of those, and spouses are next.

Parents are last on the list, especially when they are in a care center.

Are you able to say "no" to your mom and cross some of her " you have to" errands off your list and have the facility take care of them?

When my mom was in IL, she liked to get her hair cut at an off premises place. She could have used the on site beauty parlor or taken the provided local bus. She didn't like to do that, but when I got hit by a car and had a concussion, or when my husband was ill, she did it.

This is a great place to vent and to get feedback. There are lots of amazing people and lots of funny, informative and thoughtful threads. Again, welcome. And do something for yourself today.
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