Background: Grandmother is 81, lives alone in her own house about 15 minutes from my parents. We have tried for years to have her move closer, move to assisted living, or have a family member move in with her, but she adamantly refuses. She refuses to use any medical alert systems, and threw away the last one my mother bought her. She cannot drive. She broke her hip last year, and is able to walk but only for short distances.
Current situation: Over the past few years, my grandmother has been increasingly nasty to family members. She has destroyed her relationship with one daughter (my aunt). My mother has become her primary care giver, and my grandmother has pushed away every other family member. My mother does all her bills, brings her groceries, literally does everything for my grandmother. Recently, my grandmother has become increasingly belligerent with my mother. She is calling my mother names and making up stories. My grandmother has been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, and prescribed medications. However, she continues to go on and off her depression medications, which exacerbates the issue. She has threatened her own life - this past weekend telling my mother “I wish I had the guts to blow my f***ing brains out.”
I am at a loss of what advice to give my mother. She is in turmoil every day, concerned to do too much or too little. She is suffering from extreme guilt. I honestly feel the relationship between them has become severely manipulative and verbally/emotionally abusive. I am curious if anyone has had a similar issue and what steps were taken. At this point, I feel like my mother is sacrificing her mental well-being to placate the toxic nature of my
grandmother. I am deeply concerned for both of them and any advice is appreciated!