Follow
Share

I am new here I found this place on accident. I am taking care of my father he fell over a year ago and broke his hip the doctor did a bad job on surgery and he has never walked after that. My husband and I I take care of him mostly me my husband works 3am until sometimes 5pm. It is to a point now where my Dad fights with me about taking his meds and he wants up and down from bed about 20+ times a day. I have MS so it takes a toll on me changing him and getting him into the wheelchair which takes about 20 mins on a good day getting him to the kitchen and BOOM he yells TAKE ME BACK THERE after 10 mins. I have to roll him back to his room (first I have to strip his bed and but new linens and blankets down) and get his lift all set up get him in bed and that is my day besides washing blankets and sheets all flipping day.
AND all night I mean all night he calls my name I don't think he sleeps.
What do you do about the up and down game? and the fighting about taking his meds?

There is another post addressing this same problem. The OP has MS and is trying to take care of someone.

Seems to me Dad needs more care than you can give him. He needs to be in a Long term Care facility. If he has any money, use it for his care, when its gone put him on Medicaid.

My cousin suffered from MS. Stress did her in. Your health is important.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

Please guard your own health. What you’re doing isn’t sustainable, it’s not your fault that your dad needs more care than you can provide
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

Honestly it sounds like you have taken on more than you(or anyone)can handle. I'm sure that the fact that he calls you all night long, means that you're not getting enough rest, which of course only exacerbates your MS. You now have to decide if your health is worth risking for the care of your dad. That doesn't mean that you don't love your dad, but it means that you love yourself too and have to now do what's best for you. And that just might mean that he is now going to have to be placed in the appropriate facility. Either that, or you are going to have to hire full-time help(with his money)to come, so you can get some rest, and start taking care of yourself. I'm sure your dad does not want you risking your health over his care. Please take care of yourself, before it's too late. God bless you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

I'm so sorry that you feel you are locked into this situation. Your profile says your father is only 71, and that you are an only child (same for me). You have MS. And you quit your job to take care of him. Is he paying you for his care?

The reality of the situation is that his needs (and yours!) will only increase. If he is now sliding into cognitive decline (dementia) you will never be able to retrain any of his behaviors. It is going to impact your physical and mental health, your finances and your marriage.

First, do you have durable Power of Attorney for your father so that you can legally act as his representative? If not, please work to get this in place. Without this, and him being resistant to care, meds, etc. it will become very difficult to work to improve his (and your) situation. If he refuses to assign a PoA, the only other option will be guardianship. This needs to be pursued through the courts and requires time and money if pursued by family. If not pursued by family then the county will seek it. The way it works in the U.S. is that *someone* has to have legal authority in order to act on another's behalf when they no longer can.

Next, he needs to be tested for cognitive decline/memory loss. You need a diagnosis so you understand what you are dealing with. Your father is not getting more "stubborn"... he is most likely sliding into cognitive decline and there are certain behaviors that go along with it. Resistance is one of them.

In the end, you will need to make a decision. You must choose your marriage and health first, so that you can be wholly functional to help your father. If I were in your situation I'd start looking into LTC or MC facilities. Research how he (not you) can pay for it (Medicaid in all states pays for MC or LTC). He must qualify for MC or LTC and then apply for Medicaid. Considering transitioning him to a care facility does not mean you don't love him. But, your first obligation is to your husband and self. You are on the verge of Burnout. Please read the many posts under the topic Burnout on this forum. We don't want that to be you. May you have the inner strength and wisdom to move forward and peace in your heart through the process.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter