My siblings have all of a sudden become interested with Mom's health; they always stated they didn't want to take care of her. Now that she suffers from dementia, they're all concerned and especially for their 'inheritance'. My 1 sibling has decided that Mom's Will needs to be redone as SHE can't find it and it's OUTDATED and she doesn't want to lose what she thinks she should get (she doesn't understand probate laws). This sibling has already committed fraud regarding Mom's Medical POA (I was appointed) and had Mom sign a legal doc that Mom doesn't know why she had to sign it, but was told by this sibling it had to be done. What my siblings don't know is that I have researched State Law and confided with an Estate Attorney. The State Law is on my side. The Attorney says to let this sibling do what she wants as 1) she's committed fraud 2) A new Will won't be recognized per State Law and will revert to the original (I have it safe and secure). I am named as Executress, so I will be in control. I have always tried to be fair with my siblings all of my life, even taken their punishment instead of snitching. After everything that I have been put through this past year with their total lack of including me regarding Mom etc; I want to do as Mom has asked in her Will, but on the other hand I feel that since they have cut me out of the sibling circle I will do a majority of what Mom wants, but I will draw a line in the sand when it comes to the money, house and vehicles. What would you do if all of a sudden your siblings go from not caring to we need to know what to do when she dies and who gets what? FYI, I have been seeing a therapist and it was determined my depression (bi-polar) is due to exactly what these people have done to me all of my life. I actually provided home videos to make sure it wasn't in my head to my therapist (He said he never had a patient do that). My Uncle, Mom's youngest brother, agrees with me as I keep him informed of everything going on. He took care their parents too. So, it boils down to I will kick my 1 sibling out of the house immediately and change all the locks on day 1. I am going to get even and don't want the guilt, but to stand up to them and tell them to eat it.
I don't see a psychiatrist, I see a therapist. My 1st therapist sent me to a "medical psychiatrist" who does not do psychoanalysis, but makes sure medications are not interacting so as to cause more issues.
Therapist diagnosed the bi-polorism due to my depression and quantifying it after he watched the family dvds I provided so he would have both sides of the story, and to see if this was just in my head.
As for how my Mom is being treated, I know as I've seen the condition of the house, the way my sister answers ALL QUESTIONS directed to Mom (1 of the biggest indicators regarding elderly abuse) and the fact she doesn't want to share anything with me about Mom's health. She also gives excuses, another indicator of abuse.
Daughter saw her grandma the week of Valentine's day and I now have pictures as proof of what my sister isn't doing.
The condition of the house is 10 times worse now than it was a year ago. Mom isn't being bathed, doesn't have her incontinence panties changed to the point daughter could smell urine/poop from across the room.
The biggest factor are the bed bugs that are crawling on Mom, step-father and daughter found 1 on her pants after she left! Eggs in the furniture so bad, they look like zits ready to pop!!
One could eat off the floors when we were kids living at home and even afterward. I would keep her house clean once arthritis started to hold her back.....not one of my siblings helped unless I have them the guilt trip.
Trash bags piled at the door leading out from game room to backyard.
Daughter wanted to call APS right then after she saw Mom's personal condition, hygiene or lack of.
I finally had to make the decision to call APS.
No, my sister didn't need the POA, she wanted it so she could gain more control over Mom.
POAs are reciprocal across State lines. She could get things started and then call me.
She claims our Uncle took all of the legal papers out of the house which was a major Freudian slip on her part. Our Uncle knew exactly how things were to be done and tried to find the papers per Mom's request.
Again, there was a very important document that just "disappeared". The beneficiary Deed which only named me. Now, there is a beneficiary Deed naming all 4 of us done 7 yrs later. Mom didn't understand why my sister/neighbor told her she had to sign this paper, that they even had a notary at the house. I spoke with Mom about it 6 yrs ago. She told me that she had not changed anything since she, my Uncle/Aunt and myself helped her get her legal issues done.
My sister is EXTREMELY street wise, recovering drug addict and has always been able to lie and people would believe her. She would pit Mom/Dad against each other.
No, I don't have to be there to know. I've seen it for myself, my Uncle tells me about it and the daughter recorded it this time.
My sister wanted to make sure she got what she wanted and take the control my gave me away. I don't know if she's done it yet, but she plans on having Mom redo the Will. She knows that she won't get her inheritance directly; she'll have to come to me and ask for money.
No, I don't need to be there to know. I have the proof to provide to the Court....and I have what my sister thinks she can do, but won't be able in the end. None of them will.
I reported this to Adult Protection Services once i saw the pics daughter text me.
Spiritdancer, I am still waiting for case worker to give me the doctor's medical opinion etc. I'm praying that the Court via APS will give me guardianship and conservatorship.
I don't have to live there to do this. I will have to provide records to the Court regarding finances and care at any time the Court wants it.
No problem, more than happy to oblige.
I have 99.9% of services set to go once I get approval from APS.
Should I get guardianship/conservatorship, I can kick my sister out. She'll have a choice of signing a rental agreement with options to work off part of the rent or pay 1/3 of costs to keep everything up i.e. water bill, phone bill, electricity and housekeeping help. If she doesn't want to do this, then she'll either pay rent that would include these costs or she can keep the house clean per my expectations.
If she doesn't want to do ANY of it, she's out the door. My 2 Uncle's will be with me and I'll have the police with me too. Then I'll have all of the locks changed.
Isthisreallyreal, I have plans to make sure Mom is properly cared for and I don't care If her assets have to be liquidated to do so.
My job is to take care of Mom the best I can for the time she has left.
I plan to drive home1-2 times a month to make sure everything is being done. Again, my Uncle's (Mom's 2 brothers) will help me with this too. They want my sister out too and can't believe my sister doesn't lift a finger to help Mom in any way.
Daughter will also go with me so she can do basic physicals on Mom to provide APS and Mom's doctor.
Yes, I've talked with an attorney and with my State Law research, he verifying my understanding, my sister does not have a leg to stand on and I can press charges regarding the legal docs.
I have a 3 ring executive binder with everything recorded....names, dates, time and subject. I have also archived text/emails.
No, I don't truly get satisfaction from what will happen with my siblings. I was planning on being more generous than what Mom has in the Will; things have changed a great deal now. The shoe will be very tight for them when the time comes.
They should have thought more about Mom instead of what they think they're entitled.
Thank you, but apology truly is not necessary. I truly appreciate it.
Are you asking if she still lives in her home, nursing facility or State?
Yes, she lives in her home and lives in our home State; out of 4 kids, 2 of us live out of State.
May I ask the purpose of your question?
The case worker was finally able to provide me with an update. This was truly our 1st involved conversation.
I was able to provide her with so much more information she truly sounded shocked.
We spoke in depth about the things my older sibling has/is doing.
She asked what services/agencies I have contacted; I gave her a list and what they provide.
We went in extreme depth the bed bug situation. She asked if this sibling was unaware of the bed bugs. I told her I'd be happy to provide her with pictures of the bed bugs as well as furniture where they have laid eggs. That there wasn't any way that my sibling could be unaware; not when daughter and both of Mom's brothers saw them on Mom and the furniture.
***my sibling can be charged with abuse of an elderly person(s).***
I informed her of my siblings physical attack on both myself and step-father.
***we also talked about the acts of fraud this sibling has committed. Sibling can be charged for this too***
Dr has talked with Mom about in-home care, but says she refuses. I told her that it's not Mom, but my sibling as she needs to keep up the charade of the 24/7 caregiver.
She has left many messages for this sibling to call her as she must interview said sibling. NO RETURN CALL YET!! Looks like a not being nice any longer, so a surprise visit will be done.
Case Worker says she will also give update to her supervisor as well as helping me to find State money to eradicate the bed bugs. Told her I can't afford out of pocket and it will take thousands of dollars along with having to destroy furniture.
Thank you to all who have expressed the meaning of Karma as it appears for now that it is coming around.
The siblings themselves don't get it. And they never will. I have the overwhelming urge to at the very least pull the same BS on them that they pulled just so they could see how it feels. But they won't get it. Ever. That's the problem with revenge....they won't see their their bad behavior only yours. You will become the enemy, the monster, the cheat, whatever.....If you react in any negative or aggressive way you are adding fuel to a fire. They will take it and run with it and shout it from the rooftops what an underhanded sneaky lying little so and so you are. But they will never get it. And if you've reacted badly you have no defense.
Stay true to yourself. Deal with things as your mom has wished. Be honest, be fair, and try to be kind (hard one I know). Do the right thing. You have to look yourself in the eye and be at peace with your actions and yourself. Doing the right thing does not need defending from others. And when in doubt, keep quiet. Not giving them fuel for drama takes away their power.
When it's all done, phase them out of your life if need be. If you choose the revenge route it ties you to them and you wont get the result you are looking for anyway.
What you choose to do with your belongings when it's your time is a completely different matter...insert evil laugh here....
If she rents somewhere else and brings bedbugs with her, her landlord will be responsible to get rid of them...VERY costly and unfair to the landlord in my opinion.
Any furniture or car she sits in the bedbug can be deposited...this meaning restaurants, theaters, etc!
Not trying to be insensitive or negative but I have experienced this full-blown!
I'm happy you have APS involved but I really wish they would hurry up for you 💜
Good on you.
Is there someway that you can get your sister DE-BUGGED at the same time as they do your mum.? It would be a shame if she spread it around and she may also try and sneak a visit with your mum, thus starting the bug troubles all over again.
I truly wish you the strength to carry on and send you love to help you with this.
Please, please, keep us update. Your situation may help someone else also. That would be icing on the cake.
Hugs.