I am the primary caretaker of my parents. My Dad is 65, my Mom is 63. I know they are not old by any means, but their health is not good.
My Dad is a recent cancer survivor, and I have learned Cancer is not done when the Doc says " Your cancer is in readmission". My Dad had extensive stomach and esophagus surgery and needed a feeding tube for 6 months as well, there are appointments to make sure it is still in readmission. As well, along with being a Cancer survivor, he also suffers from Macular Degeneration and Hearing loss.
Mom is suffering from an H. Pylori stricture and is now on a feeding tube as well. She has had a 70 lb weight loss in 6 months before the doctors found the stricture. The doctors can not seem to keep the stricture stretched. So, hence, the feeding tube. She is also depressed. I think she may be getting dementia as well.
Both my parents also have COPD.
My brother, who is older then me, lives with my parents. But he doesn't do much to take care of them. I come over every morning and make sure they take their medicine. Either I or my husband or my cousins drive them to all of their appointments, I, my daughter, or my boys clean their house and do their dishes. Dad does the yard work with our help. I balance their checkbook and pay their bills. I or my Dad make all the meals. When my Dad was on a feeding tube I came over every evening and hooked him up to the machine and I am sure when my Mom gets out of the hospital I will be hooking up her machine as well.
My brother doesn't have a drivers license, so I used to drive him around all the time too, but I told him I wouldn't do it any more. Especially for free. He does work about 20-30 hours a week.
How can I get him to help out more? Or any?
I love my parents and I want to help, but I work 50 hours a week at my job and I have 4 children, a husband and a separate house. Between work and my parents I am gone 60-80 hours a week. After sleeping that only gives me like 11-15 hours a week with my kids and husband. We never can commit to plans anymore cause I am not sure if their will be an emergency or my parents will need me for something else and I might have to leave.
My brother actually had the nerve to tell me I don't spend enough time with my parents and gave me a guilt trip. But I clean HIS messes after HE cooks himself dinner and I do HIS dishes as well.
How do I get him to stop being lazy, taking advantage of my parents, my kids, and me and get him to help me?? Oh yeah, he doesn't pay rent and my parents buy his food and all of his bills except his cell phone, and sometimes they pay that.
My brother is upset over the will my parents wrote because it gives me $95,000 more, but they left the house to him, free and clear.
I know I sound bitter and resentful with my brother and I will admit I am. But he is selfish and I am tired of it. I want him to help. I don't want to feel trapped anymore.