Follow
Share

I’m living away from hometown, while my brother is closer by my parents. My parents help taking care of his kids for free, helped with his first home. But somehow, even though I never asked for a dime from my family since 1st year college, my parents seem to expect me to shower them with gifts and meals every time I visit home. I used to happily do so because to me, money is something shareable among family. Until one day, my mom jokingly told me that I’m in no place on their will, because I have no kids. At that moment, I was hugely offended. So, I work hard professionally to make money for my family and ended up they are the one discriminate me for not having kids. Even more unfairly, they don’t see money as shareable like me. It’s as if all these years, the love it’s all one sided. Since then, I come home less, figure if I come home less I feel less pain. But this year, dad needs a minor surgery and I feel the need to be with him. But once again, they said something hurtful. I recently bought a home and my mom said something like “your dad suggested a house warming gift to you, but I veto’d him. Why should we give you anything?” In a separate conversation, she also “ordered” me to buy her a new computer because hers is too old. And then, meal after meal we ate out, they seem to expect me take care of the check, even thought I dropped everything to visit them in a short notice to help out on surgery. I really don’t expect them to pay, I just want them to show bit of appreciation and love. I don’t want to feel not appreciated or being taken advantage of... Is it too much to ask? What should I do?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Everyone is right. Stop doing it!

Tell Mom that you will not be paying for expensive trips or gifts. They should ask brother for those expensive items...since they have given so much money to him. I would be point blank about it too. Don't mince words. Many people never "get it" until you come right out and say it.

Stop being a doormat
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

How big do you think the inheritance will be? Will your brother be taking care of them as they age and become more needy? (I bet NOT.)

I'd stop visiting them, and do as others have suggested above. Your parents are literally using you as a meal ticket. How obnoxious! Don't be a Dummy Daughter Slave to them!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

"I'm a bit embarrassed to tell you this mom but I'm a little behind on my retirement fund. I've got to buckle down. You know I don't have any children or grandchildren to check on me in my old age. These trips home are special to me. I would like to keep coming but they are really expensive. Would it be possible for us to have some home cooked meals? I'm pretty handy in the kitchen. I'll be glad to help. And you know that house warming gift from you and dad, well I've thought of the perfect gift I would love to have from the two of you...."
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Look up " narcissisism".

You may understand your family better if you understand their condition. I'm sorry this is the hand you've been dealt.

Detach. Find volunteer and philanthropic opportunities.

You will find genuine appreciation and love from giving back to your community.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Do not take them out to eat. If you must take them an eight pack of hot dogs, then let them cook them. Sorry, I am feeling cynical tonight, but I agree that dad's minor surgery they do not NEED you. You need to detach, mind your own life. And the no inheritance is a bitter pill to swallow. Have them hire the help they need, that inheritance will most likely be gone anyway if they live long enough.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Yes. You are being taken advantage of.

Dad can get through the minor surgery without you. Make a few calls to see how he is doing. Let your brother, local to them, visit if he wants to.

Ann Landers (or maybe it was Dear Abby) used to say you can't be a doormat if you don't lie down. Sometimes it is very hard to stand up, but I think you are doing the right thing by reducing the number of visits.

Others will no doubt give you some advice about how to stand up to this treatment. This is a great group with a lot of experience with that!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.