I’m living away from hometown, while my brother is closer by my parents. My parents help taking care of his kids for free, helped with his first home. But somehow, even though I never asked for a dime from my family since 1st year college, my parents seem to expect me to shower them with gifts and meals every time I visit home. I used to happily do so because to me, money is something shareable among family. Until one day, my mom jokingly told me that I’m in no place on their will, because I have no kids. At that moment, I was hugely offended. So, I work hard professionally to make money for my family and ended up they are the one discriminate me for not having kids. Even more unfairly, they don’t see money as shareable like me. It’s as if all these years, the love it’s all one sided. Since then, I come home less, figure if I come home less I feel less pain. But this year, dad needs a minor surgery and I feel the need to be with him. But once again, they said something hurtful. I recently bought a home and my mom said something like “your dad suggested a house warming gift to you, but I veto’d him. Why should we give you anything?” In a separate conversation, she also “ordered” me to buy her a new computer because hers is too old. And then, meal after meal we ate out, they seem to expect me take care of the check, even thought I dropped everything to visit them in a short notice to help out on surgery. I really don’t expect them to pay, I just want them to show bit of appreciation and love. I don’t want to feel not appreciated or being taken advantage of... Is it too much to ask? What should I do?
Dad can get through the minor surgery without you. Make a few calls to see how he is doing. Let your brother, local to them, visit if he wants to.
Ann Landers (or maybe it was Dear Abby) used to say you can't be a doormat if you don't lie down. Sometimes it is very hard to stand up, but I think you are doing the right thing by reducing the number of visits.
Others will no doubt give you some advice about how to stand up to this treatment. This is a great group with a lot of experience with that!
You may understand your family better if you understand their condition. I'm sorry this is the hand you've been dealt.
Detach. Find volunteer and philanthropic opportunities.
You will find genuine appreciation and love from giving back to your community.
Tell Mom that you will not be paying for expensive trips or gifts. They should ask brother for those expensive items...since they have given so much money to him. I would be point blank about it too. Don't mince words. Many people never "get it" until you come right out and say it.
Stop being a doormat
I'd stop visiting them, and do as others have suggested above. Your parents are literally using you as a meal ticket. How obnoxious! Don't be a Dummy Daughter Slave to them!