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He has a bad hip, which was damaged after a bad fall in 2020. I don't know what to do. He is constantly being sent to the hospital, and I keep telling him to just stay in his wheelchair. He hates having the staff at the Assisted Living help him, but he falls all the time and now may have given himself a concussion. I am afraid the Assisted Living will say he can't live there anymore, and he has had horrible experiences in skilled nursing facilities and rehabs. He was locked up in a behavioral unit because the staff came in during the night with flashlights and scared him. It is just way too stressful trying to help him, but he is convinced if he has help, the staff will abuse him in some way.

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Does he have a wheelchair that will recline a bit? If so if the back is tilted back a bit it will be much more difficult for him to get out of the chair and hopefully they will see him struggling to get out so they can assist him before he gets out.
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If dad is living in the Memory Care section of the ALF, which it sounds like he needs, frankly, then they will put up with A LOT more than they would if he were living in the regular ALF. My mother fell 95x and the Memory Care was fine with it; they'd just gather up CGs to go pick her up, or call the night nurse who was 6'5" and weighed 300 lbs, and he'd go pick her up, sometimes 2 or 3x a DAY! Living in the regular ALF they'd pick her up too, but they were threatening to evict her, which had me worried too. Then she caught pneumonia, went into a wheelchair full time, and her dementia worsened at the same time, so they offered to take her into their Memory Care bldg, which worked out fine.

Also, most ALFs agree to keep a resident for LIFE if they're on hospice care. Find out what your dad's ALF rules are pertaining to all this; you need to know so you're not blindsided one day if/when they ask him to leave and then you're like OMG NOW WHAT??!! I tell you, that was my biggest fear with both of my parents; but when dad went on hospice, the ALF kept him in spite of him being a two person assist!!!! So find out what you're dealing with at your dad's ALF and go from there.

As far as the falling goes, I swear we tried everything and NOTHING would prevent mom from falling. N O T H I N G. When hospice came into the picture, they brought her a wheelchair that tilted BACK a little, and that did stop her from falling out of it. But she still kept falling off the toilet and out of bed/off of her recliner b/c she too refused to ask for help.

Since your dad has Parkinson's, it sounds like he also has some PD related dementia that often goes along with it. Unrealistic fears about the staff abusing him = agitation that you may get the doctor to prescribe Ativan or something similar to help him with. Worth a try, right?

Sorry you are dealing with such stress, I feel your pain. GOOD LUCK!
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Kmi7688 May 2022
Thank you. He is not in that area, I wanted to get him there, but his mental state was not as bad as it is now. I am getting them now to prescribe medications to help, but it is still a day to day issue.
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I'm not sure that I have any good answers for you here, but I can tell you that my husband who had vascular dementia, fell a lot. I mean A LOT. And he lived at home with me until his death.
It was almost a relief to me when he ended up completely bedridden after almost dying from aspiration pneumonia, as I no longer had to worry about him falling and me having to call 911 to come get him up.
Unfortunately if things keep going like they are, your father may very well have to be placed in a nursing facility whether he likes it or not, as his care is requiring more than an assisted living facility can provide.
You want your father safe and well cared for I know. Sometimes there just aren't any easy answers, and sometimes it boils down to the lesser of the 2 evils that we must go with.
I wish you and your father the very best.
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