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HI,


I have a step mother who has parkinsons disease. She is over 200 pounds at 5ft 2 and my 79 year old father, who got heart bypass surgery can no longer take care of her. She's at the point where she can no longer take showers on her own, eat on her own etc she is verbally ABUSIVE to my dad. She yells at him that he needs to use the blender for her gummy vitamins because she can't chew food anymore (this makes no sense. What does blending gummy vitamins do?!), she also yelled at him right after his heart bypass surgery that he isn't pushing her wheelchair... I've had enough.She is able to think for herself but not able to physically take care of herself. She can't even use her mobilized wheelchair on her own. My father cannot take care of her any longer and she refuses to go to a nursing home.


(We have tried home care. Right now they will not disclose who has been vaccinated. And we only want to work with vaccinated nurses. So that is not an option and also under staffed)


What can we do?

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Will your father leave to be at peace and get the life he needs?
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Wait till a hospitalization and hopefully rehab. While in rehab have her evaluated for 24/7. If they say she needs 24/7 care tell them that she cannot be discharged to home because your Dad can no longer care for her.

If this happens, make sure Dad sees a Medicaid versed layer helps him get their assets split. Moms half being spent down on her care and then Medicaid being applied for. Dad will become the Community Spouse and have enough of their monthly income to live on.
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Is anyone your mother's PoA? If so, this person would need to review the document to see when the authority becomes active. If it requires a medical diagnosis of incapacity, then someone will need to get her to the doctor to get her tested.

If no one is her PoA then either the family will need to pursue guardianship of her through the courts or move your father out of the house leaving her on her own and then report her to APS as a vulnerable adult and then they would pursue guardianship. You can try to call social services to have an in-home needs assessment for her if money is an issue. If she is not mentally incapacitated

If she makes threats or acts out towards your dad you should call 911 and have her removed to the hospital where you may be able to request an cognitive exam and inform the staff that she would be an unsafe discharge and should therefore go straight into a facility (IF she is incapacitated).

I don't really know what other options you have other that your dad choosing to leave to protect himself.
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