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I would take her to a neurologist - she needs and MRI - she needs medication - there are definitely medications that can very much calm her down. It sounds sadly like it might be time to look at placing her somewhere where she can have 24 hour a day medical care (it sounds like she needs it). I am so very sorry - this is so very tough. My family is dealing with now it’s third generation of this - hang in there. Please don’t forget to seek God every day and ask for his help and surround yourself with a caring community.
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Check out Teepasnow.com Her organization has been extremely helpful to me as I have worked through elder care for my 90 yo dad with dementia. He is now in AL memory care and it has been such a relief for me. You can talk to a trained expert (in dementia care therapy) for 30 minutes free, after that it’s still very reasonable - $45-$50 dollars an hour for consultation. Learned more from this website than I have from anything else I have seen or read on dementia. They are very understanding and they know how to help when you are in crisis mode, as I imagine you probably are right now. You will not only get help navigating your current situation, you will also receive guidance regarding ways to get an accurate diagnosis for dementia type, and once you know her diagnosis, ways to “be” with her as a family caregiver and provide the love she still needs in her compromised condition.
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Creque, how are things going?
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I am so sorry you have to deal with all of that especially when you know that had never been a personality trait of theirs. Keep doing the best that you can. Continue on this blog, it will help you keep your sanity.
My Dad went through alot of what you are dealing with now. Though Dad was diagnosed with Alz 10 years before he passed, he started developing his aggression 3-4 years before. It was scary but I was determined to have him at home. The doctor perscribed Lorazepam for the times he was aggressive and combative. I would crush it and put in some apple sauce. It did help.
I also was treating my Dad the last year or so with UTIs. At the time, I didn't realize his kidneys were failing which is common at the end of life.
You should speak to her doctor about getting a complete UA. There may be something going on there.
Please hide knives, bats, lamps, etc that could b used as a weapon. Put locks on all the doors and keep the window curtains closed.
If you can, get some help even for a little break.
Noone knows what u are going though except you. Please don't feel bad if u decide to put her in a home. Your Son needs you and your wife would probably agree. GOD BLESS! ❤
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cherokeegrrl54 Jan 2022
This woman needs to be in a locked unit memory care ASAP, before she kills her husband, son or anyone else! Sometimes that’s all we can do…..
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Look up the side effects of Cipro.
Not the best antibiotic for a senior with a UTI.

You need to get the proper treatment for the UTI, then be sure it has cleared, because a UTI in the elderly has extreme behavioral symptoms.

Can you try an Urgent Care near you?
For the UTI.
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I moved my folks into a senior apartment. My mother had vascular dementia and my father a Parkinson's plus disease. My mother thought my father was a strange man and thought knives would protect her. At two in the morning Pa would call me, afraid. Fortunately, I lived near and would hurry over. I got my father out of her sight and sat with her until I could get her to take a Risperdal tablet. After a while things would calm down and I could leave. Mother didn't have much use for me but perhaps she could accept a stranger.
FInally put her in a memory home. Pa didn't want to but he was failing. She was killing my father and your wife will kill you, even if not directly, believe me. I am so sorry.
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Dear Creque,
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I understand your situation well as my husband developed early onset Alzheimer's and experienced a lot of bizarre, psychotic, and violent behaviors, too. I had to sometimes lock myself in a room until it was safe to come out. The behavior was completely uncharacteristic of who he was--the most compassionate, patient, kind, and caring man I'd ever known. The behaviors were frightening and unsafe for both of us.
On a particularly bad evening, exasperated I called 911 for help. When the police arrived I let them know he had dementia and they were thankfully patient with him as he was taken from our home and taken to ER. In our state, a person has to go to ER before being transferred to a psych bed. We were fortunate that he got a bed at a hospital unit that specifically served geriatric patients with dementia. He was there for two weeks while the psychiatrist identified the right medication to address the behavior. For my DH, Seroquel and an antidepressant, Lexapro, completely resolved the behavior. He was able to return home and he has been home with me ever since. That was in December 2018. My husband is in the latter stage of the disease now. While it has been hard to see him decline and lose the ability to speak, walk unassisted, and feed himself, I am extraordinarily grateful for the time we have had together. Nothing has given me more joy than sitting on our deck, holding his hand and feeling the warmth of the sun or seeing him smile.
I pray that life gets better for you and your wife.
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Clairesmum Jan 2022
so glad that the health care system worked for you and DH. Hoping that the man who posted this question had the same results.
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Does your wife see a neurologist? If so you need to tell him/her about her violent behaviour. And do not sugarcoat it. Tell him you are afraid to sleep. You r afraid of her. Maybe he can have her admitted for a evaluation. But even if she gets on the appropriate meds, you need to place her. She needs more care than you can give her. When calling 911 and the police come, make sure they r aware they r dealing with a violent person with Dementia. That she has caused harm to you before and pulled a knife on son. That she is a danger to you and herself. That she cannot return to your home. She needs to be Baker acted.

"The Baker Act is a law that enables families and loved ones to provide emergency mental health services and temporary detention for people who are impaired because of their mental illness, and who are unable to determine their needs for treatment."

Talk to an Elder lawyer about splitting your assets. Medicaid allows this. Her split is used for her care, when almost gone, you apply for Medicaid to help pay for her care. Your monthly income, SS and any pension that is hers, will be looked at to see how much or all of it goes to you to pay for living expenses. You become the Community Spouse, stay in the home and get one car.
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Your wife is in an advanced stage of dementia. She is beyond help and no longer belongs at home. Worse things are about to come, She needs to be placed in a facility.
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First I will say that only 3 days on an antibiotic is not long enough to clear up a UTI, and sometimes it takes more than one round of them, but honestly she has way more issues than just a UTI.
Next time she gets violent do call 911 and let them take her to the ER, at which time then you can let them know that she cannot return home as you can no longer care for her there and that you do not feel safe with her there. It will be at that point that the hospital social worker will have to find the appropriate facility to have her placed in.
It's exhausting I know, but you are now to the point where you have to do not only what is best for her but also for yourself as well.
I wish you the very best.
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Creque, welcome! Deep breaths!

Yes, call 911. Your dear wife desperately needs to be admitted to a psychiatric unit to get her on meds that will diminish her paranoia, fear and agitation. Poor woman! It must be hell inside her brain right now.

As much as you want to help her yourself, right now she needs meds and they need to be trialed in a controlled environment.

My aunt went through this with my dear uncle. He was beating her black and blue to get the keys to the deadbolts.

He was admitted to a wonderful memory care facility where he did well. Unfortunately, she died of a heart attack shortly thereafter, no doubt in part from the stress she'd been under.

Get your wife the help she needs.
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