I am exhausted. My family lives in a world of white and black. Every thing is either calm or my mom turns irrational and begins screaming at us telling us to shut up and get out of her life. If we don't talk about her bills, the mortgage payment she hasn't paid in 8 months, or the money she owes, it's all good. When she gets her mail and the bills, it starts again.

My brother, who up until now, has taken turns with me taking care of her. The other day he decided he doesn't want to do that anymore since he doesn't have anyone to take care of her when he and his wife are not there, so now it is my problem. In other words, she has become an inconvenience to him.

Now I am trapped. I had planned on going on vacation in April and in June and I can't. My husband is livid and my 23 year old autistic daughter has a emotional meltdown every day. I am so stressed out that all I can do is cry until I am so emotionally drained all I want to do is to sleep.

It is affecting my job, my graduate school work, my family. I know that I am complaining but I really don't know what else to do.

I am going to see an elder lawyer, but I already have been told to acquire guardianship which will cost me 3000.00 (which I don't have).

Any suggestions?

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Apple, definitely see the elder lawyer. that is the best place to start, but even a consultation will cost you. Do you have a senior center in you area? They usually have someone there who will be knowledgeable in all areas of eldercare. they can steer you to the best lawyer in the area that can really help you out. They have lots of info because of all the elderly people that pass through their doors year after year. they may even be able to find you free services to get the info you need.
What your mom is doing is typical dementia behavior in the beginning stages. They are very good at hiding how bad things really are, because they are so scared of what is happening to them. Arguing and trying to get her to relinquish her hold on her own finances, etc. will only make her hold on tighter. She is in denial but in the back of her mind she knows something is very wrong. try calmly sitting down with her to do the bills. Just tell her you are bored and need something to do and offer to sort them out for her and help her write the checks, or if she can't , you write them, then let her sign them and put them in the envelopes. At least she will feel that she is doing what she always did and amusing her bored daughter at the same time.
I went through all this with mom 7 years ago, and it was very hard and stressful for both of us and my husband. On top of all that, your daughter really needs you too, so double the stress! I hope you can find the info you need and can get your mom on track. It will take time and unfortunately, probably little or no help from your brother. Most caregivers on this site will tell you that they are the primary and their sibs offer no help at all. I myself have 6 sibs and they rarely come to see mom or offer to relieve me. It's just a fact of family dynamics and one you will have to deal with.
I wish you luck in your journey and hope you can get some kind of resolution to your current situation. Feel free to jump in when you need to. there are many many knowledgeable and helpful caregivers here that are always willing to help!
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