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I apologize if this post sounds odd, but the constant miscommunication from the various facilities is wearing me down. I am 25 and can’t handle the constant visits and micromanaging much longer.


My father has been placed in various short term rehab facilities over the past five months for Physical Therapy. The nursing / rehab facility promised weekly updates on my dad’s care, and have not done so. I have to be the one to call and ask for updates. The most information I get is he gets 10 minutes of Physical Therapy possibly twice a week. (This hasn’t been confirmed.) The rest of the time he spends sitting in a chair, unsupervised, for the rest of the day.


This has lead to me visiting the facility almost daily and providing care that the system lacks. He has gone to different facilities but all of them have similar problems, such as giving him the wrong medications, food that he is allergic to, and making him sit in a bed or chair for most of the day.


It seems like none of the care facilities have or want to provide care he needs and I feel stuck.

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25? Too young to be dealing with this however you have to and to make it easier on yourself you have to do the research and read the reviews. I found a nursing home that one wing was rehab and these patients went to rehab everyday. They were served all 3 meals in the dining room not in their rooms. They had a calendar of daily events and they did what was on the calendar. They loved bingo. There was music on all over the facility. There was a snack and coffee bar. Looking outside families had bird feeders chimes whirlybird thingys. RN and LVN on the wing 24-7 so I could keep up with the goings on. Doctors available certain times so I communicated with RN daily. And if there is an odor and leave. Communication is key
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Reply to Shana1stdidthat
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Oh, you are so young to be dealing with this!
I didn't understand the system when I had to go through it in my 50's.
But, here is what I learned from that experience:

There should be a Nurse in Charge, the supervisor. Find out who that person is and ask to schedule a family meeting with the care team. I think it is standard policy for any rehab facility to have this type of meeting on a regular basis. the purpose is to discuss any progress or changes in treatment, a kind of round table for different members of the care team and the family to share their perspective so the group as a whole can be updated and come to a consensus on the direction of treatment.

Is there any reason they are not sharing with you because you are not listed as someone they can share his information with? It is important for medical providers to safeguard their patient's confidential records. When the patient is admitted, either they or their POA will sign a form giving permission to listed individuals to receive information about the patient. If you are not on that list, they may not be able to tell you anything.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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In 2913 when my mother was 93, she ended up in a rehab facility with a fractured pelvis from a fall at our home. One day, one of her feet got stuck in an exercise pedal and bruised one foot because her PT did not pay attention. I told the director what happened and Thank God, no fractured foot. But my poor mother had foot pain for at least least one week afterwards.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Kathryn – sinner21, something sounds like porky pies here, which does happen on this site. Usually it’s the parent who is complaining to make a child spend more time with them or to take them ‘home’. Less often it’s some smart new poster stirring the pot (actually often downing the glass at midnight).

F “has mobility issues and used to walk with a walker”. But “because of the poor quality of care he is now bedbound”. No he’s not, he is “sitting in a chair, unsupervised, for the rest of the day” after only 10 minutes of PT. Or he’s flitting between different facilities, all bad. He must be really confused! So are we.

You are in the best position to work out what is going on here. Good luck.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Something is wrong in this scenario. 10 minutes of PT a week or even 2x a week, does not qualify one for Medicare footing the bill, for a rehab facility. In addition, Medicare will not pay for 5 continuous months care in a rehab facility unless he shows steady improvement.

Is your Dad on Medicaid? If not, then someone is paying the bill, or will be paying the bill, or they are mis-reporting his condition to Medicare.

If on the other hand, your Dad is in the facility as a living facility (e.g. independent living or assisted living), 2 times for PT a week is "normal", however, I would think it would be a 50 minute session each. Unfortunately, "living facilities" are not paid by Medicare, so someone is paying his bill at the facility, unless there is fraud involved.

Where does his Medicare Summary Notice go to? I'm assuming he is over 65 and covered in part by Medicare. The Medicare Summary Notice should show all the medical sessions that were filed for Medicare payment.

Where did he live prior to this succession of rehab facilities? What happened to that place? Did he rent or own? Where is he getting his mail?

What I'd do: 1) get an understanding of whether he is in his current facility because of rehab or just a living facility 2) find out who is paying the bill and who is the person who is watching over his care 3) find and tour another facility that is close to where you live or work and seems reputable 4) get some plans in place in your own life so that you can put your life on semi-hold while you get your Dad's life into a controllable state.

It sounds like you will be intimately involved in his affairs for the long haul. (((HUGS)))

P.S. Sorry to disappoint you, however, it is normal for you to have to ask for updates, rather than they pushing the updates to you. However, the vagueness of the updates and what is described, tells me that he is NOT in a rehab facility, but in an assisted living facility. If that is the case, go find a facility whose care you can trust, for the rest of his life. Ask for references, read the reviews, ask about waiting lists. You can do this....
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Reply to ChoppedLiver
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Have you contacted your father’s personal physician for assistance? And what is his situation? Why is he moved around so much?

Your father pays for his own care, Not from your own funds. He is Medicare age that is senior age starting at 65, so it’s his expenses with Medicare health insurance. If he runs out his funds, contact his county on aging for a Medicaid expert to help your father.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Simple find another place.
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Reply to Sample
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It is a sign of the times and the services full of people who don’t care or seemingly too busy to care
the only real solution is to visit daily and check
i doubt any of them will give you update time and I doubt you’ll have much success is pushing that
they just don’t do it
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Reply to Jenny10
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My mother was in a skilled nursing facility for two weeks and that’s only because I pulled her out of there. Because I found out that physical therapy was coming at 6 o’clock in the evening after she ate and spent 15 minutes with her when they was getting paid for 30 minutes. The people at the SNF are lazy. My mother is 86 yrs old and she fell and broke her kneecap. They supposed to have her up every day doing exercises instead they had her laying in the bed all day until 6 o’clock, and all they did was leg exercise. I called my mother’s insurance company and orthopedic doctor to let them know that she wasn’t getting the proper physical therapy and they was coming late in the evening and the insurance company started investigating . I found out that my mother was pushing the call button and they never came. Her roommate told me that they never brought my mother water so she was very dehydrated. I made the SNF get transportation to take my mother to the hospital. When we got to the hospital, she was having kidney failure because of how dehydrated she was. I documented everything and I called the insurance company and reported everything to them that was 2 months ago and they are still investigating everything. Document everything and inform someone like the insurance company, healthcare provider, social worker or the Board of Health. I told the insurance company that I want my mother home for physical therapy and they agreed. Now my mother is much better. She’s standing now. But the process is slow because of what happened at the SNF. She will never go to SNF again.
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Reply to Queeny51
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Jacquelinezr May 23, 2025
I had a similar experience. My mother had a knee replacement. They sent her to a rehab place and were not giving her her medicines, which led to a visit to the emergency room when she almost had a heart attack. They kept her in bed all day and would give her PT for about 15 minutes. When I complained, the woman put her on a machine that exercised her knee automatically, and LEFT HER THERE for over an hour. That led to another visit to the emergency room because it induced chest pains. At that point, I brought her home and had PT for her at home. It took a while, but she had a full recovery. I have zero faith in rehab places. You have to go every day and micromanage them to do what they're being paid for. And this wasn't Medicare -- she had great insurance and a supplemental insurance. If she ever needs PT again, she'll be getting that at home. I'm glad your mom is on the road to recovery.
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Please advocate for your dad. Being there daily is so important. Demand to speak to the social worker. Go to the Physical Therapist and ask about your dad's progress. I know your young and unfortunately caretaking does require time, compassion and persistence.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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It looks like your father needs a better care facility. They are not all created equal, unfortunately. Where I live, the patient or their POA can choose the rehab facility. When our mom broke her hip, my brothers and I visited several rehabs, compared notes and made our suggestions while she was still in the hospital. We were fortunate to have the experience of my brother's wife, who had gone through something similar with her mother. It was also helpful that two of us were retirees.

You say your father went to rehab "against his will", which probably means that the medical personnel or a social worker made the selection and probably chose whatever was easiest to get into. This carries a risk of low quality care. Also, as others have suggested, rehab doesn't do much with diet and generally expects the patient to be able to deal with their chronic conditions on their own. My mom has diabetes and she was responsible for choosing her meals and following her diet (and often the options of things she could eat were pretty limited). For patients with cognitive problems who are prescribed rehab, there is a significant gap between what they need and what the system is set up to provide. I guess the only remedy is a family member like yourself to spend a lot of time on the premises to make sure the patient is getting the care they need.
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Reply to iameli
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Kathryn, it’s hard to understand who is in charge of all this.
- “My father has been placed in various short term rehab facilities over the past five months for Physical Therapy”. Who placed him? Who signed the contract to pay the bills?
- He was “sent to a short term rehab against his will by firemen due to him falling once at home”. Firemen aren’t able to place him ‘against his will’, and they won’t sign to pay the bills!
- “He has gone to different facilities”. Who arranged the moves?
- “He gets 10 minutes of Physical Therapy possibly twice a week”. !!!
- More than one facility has “the wrong medications”, and gives him “food that he is allergic to”. Why are all the local facilities hopeless on these basic issues?

It sounds as though F may be making all the decisions himself. “He can be difficult to care for so that may be a reason the staff refuse to help him”. What sort of ‘difficult’?

It also sounds as though you think F calls the shots, on you as well as on the facility. Perhaps you should also decide that you don’t “want to provide care he needs”. Consider not turning up.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Unfortunately this seems to be the case . I was Not Impressed by Many of the skilled Nursing facilities and rehabs on Cape cod . The Ones closer to Boston seemed to be More Professional and 100 % Better . You Can Go On YELP and Propublica and find Out which Ones have Patterns of neglect and which Ones have Not been reported to medicare for neglect . I really found some of these Places to be Lazy and dysfunctional low quality care .
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Reply to KNance72
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Are you, at 25, the POA for your father?
Is your father incapable at this time for managing his care at all?
If you are POA are you included in the care plan conferences that are required by law?
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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If you are POA, make an appointment with dad's medical team, including the administrators, and find out what the care plan is. If you're not POA, they won't talk with you.

Another thing you could do is hire an aide to visit him at least part of the day. The aide could do the things you do, and this would give you a break. If you're POA you should have access to dad's money, and you'd use his money to pay for the aide.

More info would be helpful.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Dear Kathryn, I hope someone closer to you, with more knowledge of how to handle this, will reply soon. It may not be for a few hours – I’m in Australia, this doesn’t sound right to me, but I don’t know the US system well enough. It sounds like ‘find another facility’, but that may not be right.
Very best wishes, Margaret
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.
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Reply to kathrynsinner21
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Patathome01 May 23, 2025
Do Not use any of Your Money to pay his expenses! His Medicare ins and His money Pays.
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Kathryn, you haven’t filled in your profile, so this is a bit confusing. If you are 25, your father may be quite young. What are his problems? What are the future plans? Are you in the USA? Why have you had such problems (wrong medications, food that he is allergic to) with several facilities? Yes it does sound odd! More information might help.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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kathrynsinner21 May 19, 2025
Yes, I live in the U.S. 

My father is in his late 70s. He got sent to a short term rehab against his will by firemen due to him falling once at home. He has mobility issues and used to walk with a walker. But because of the poor quality of care he has received in the home, he is now bed bound. 

The facilites don’t keep certain medications in stock and don’t keep food allergy records. He can be difficult to care for so that may be a reason the staff refuse to help him. 

I just don’t understand why I am paying for these “services” if I have to be there daily to supervise workers who are getting paid.
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