Are we doomed to end up like them (full of hate)?

I can't imagine ending up like my mother. I take after my dad rather than her anyway. Also I seem to have become the opposite to my mother in some ways; maybe this is how a family balances itself. A mother without empathy may produce a daughter who has a sort of empathy sickness - too much empathy for the wrong people. Maybe if all the family members lacked empathy, it wouldn't survive as a family.

My mother totally lacks curiosity about the outside world. I am curious about nearly everything though I was not as a child; I think my natural curiosity was suppressed. So mother calls me in the middle of the night to say her water isn't running. It never occurs to her that this is happening to half the town because of the freezing weather because she doesn't care about anything beyond her own gate. But I am curious enough to read her local small town newspaper on the computer and can tell her about what's going on in her own town and so what to do about the water problem. I know this is ridiculous. I phoned her the other day to tell her her local mall was flooded, so don't go shopping there. I am my mother's curiosity.

Blannie, you are darn RIGHT about that. I face my problems and work on self improvement every day because I have to. Your message was so sweet it made me cry. :-)

Weareone, you are already very different from you father - you're facing your health issues head on and dealing with them. It's sad that he's lived such an unhealthy life (both physically and mentally) and wreaked havoc on your family. Your poor mom! Your dad must have had some redeeming qualities for your mom to have gotten with him, but it sounds like he's been a runaway train for most of his life. But you're not! You're taking care of yourself and that makes all of the difference in the world. Hugs to you.

TryingMyBest, what a wonderful, compassionate and understanding answer! I am going to go to Al-Anon meetings again, because much of this is due to his alcoholism. There are no mental health meetings where I live, as its very rural.

He's had this personality disorder all his life and I believe that my wonderful mother died so early just to get away from him. He's never had friends; I've never seen him read a book. He used to get kicked out of every family get together there ever was. He has serious psychological issues that have never been addressed, only gotten worse and worse. Some may be from PTSD from the Korean War, but I heard he's been an alcoholic since he was 13.

Now he thinks he can just let it all out and scream at the top of his lungs with his paranoid, delusional accusations. It seems like there are never any consequences for him but I suppose that's gotta come some day if he keeps up in this way.

I can't really judge him because I have suffered from mental illness through a large portion of my life. 14 years ago, though, I got somewhat better and even got better again 7 years ago after my divorce. I see a mental health doctor regularly though, and I know for sure that if my mental health isn't good, then what good at all is health of the body?

Mental illness wrecks havoc. It destroys lives and breaks down families. There is an abysmal lack of awareness and understanding of most brain disorders and medicine has a long way to go in regards to diagnosis and treatment because mental health can be very complicated.

Having a parent with untreated mental illness is a nightmare at any stage of life, especially when the accompanying behavior is abusive. My heart goes out to you. I know because my family is rife with these illnesses, whats worse, our family never talks about it because of the shame. Our parents were raised at a time when mental disorders were feared and terribly stigmatized, sadly that attitude has not changed all that much. I am not surprised your Dad refuses to see a doctor. Much of my family is the same.

Little by slow the public is being forced to see mental illness as just that...illness. It sounds like you are taking charge of your mental health, thank goodness! I am doing the same for my own illness. I believe things will be different for me when I am older than it is for my parents. I have sent years learning coping skills and building a support network around me. I believe the same for you.

I don't hear judgement for your Dad in your words ... I do hear worry and perhaps confusion. I hope your Dad gets the attention he needs. Meanwhile you might want to check out NAMI the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They are a wonderful resource for anyone touched by mental health issues.

I am so different than either of my parents that I won't become them. I may become ill or old, but I still won't be them. One thing is I don't have any kids, so who could I be mean to?

If I could hope for one thing in life it would be that, when it my time, that I just drop dead. I don't want to be kept alive by pills, surgeries, and the charity of others. I want to make a clean break and cross over.

I live 600 miles away from him and have very little contact with him due to the abuse. I just heard that he's been screaming abusively to his neighbors, and they are filing complaints, so maybe the police will get called again. He has been in the mental hospital for homocidal threats to his neighbors before.

It is interesting to observe people turning into the parents they once so fiercely rebelled against. But inevitable? No.

And, by the way, if you want to avoid the same fate you might want to start with a little understanding. Most people are at least as much sinned against as sinning.

There are exceptions, of course. Hope he isn't one of them!

P.S. Thank you for reminding me that I have taken care of my mental health and he has not.

He needs meds so bad but he refuses to see the doctor for anything but his prostate cancer. And he's mean to everyone else; the neighbors have tried to get him kicked out of the retirement community but they cannot seem to! I take meds, and have taken care of my mental health in my lifetime. I guess that's the difference!

That's why God gave me Cymbalta. To save my family from the Wrath of Old Age. And it's funny how they can be so acidic to children, but just plain wonderful with their MD, the grandkids, and people their own age. Pass me the meds, please.