Moving a resistant family member. What do I do?

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Not sure if this just a vent or a plea for help.
Some background, I will try to keep it short. *warning* I failed to keep it short!

My step-MIL lives with us and I am her primary caregiver. We bought a retirement home in NV about the same time she moved into our WA home (about 2 years ago). Our plans for moving to NV have been pushed up, so we have been packing and preparing to fly out on Friday.
She is doing everything in her power to stop this move ie: says she can't walk, making herself sick, stopped eating...... I have taken her to her Dr. and all say she is fine. I am at my whits end with the stress of the move, packing, arranging for pets to move, I don't know what to do or tell her any longer.
We (my husband & I) are the only "family" willing to care for her. She is 92, almost totally blind but until the last 2 weeks got around ok. No dementia, ate well etc, so isn't in need of NH care.
She has 2 choices, get on the plane and move to NV with us or go into a nursing home. She needs full time care with dressing, cooking, laundry, toileting, all areas of daily living. I quit working when she moved in and have been providing all her care except the 2 hours in the morning a caregiver comes in to help bath and dress her. She has LTC insurance that covers that expense.
How can I help make this transition easier for all of us? I have set up her suite in NV to be as close to the one she has here, have packed and made room for all the things she thinks are necessary, have tried to accommodate and be sensitive to her anxiety, but I am about to loose it!
She is mad/upset about her son (not my husband) not caring that we are moving her out of state. He see her maybe once per year if I call daily to harass him, never calls her unless he needs $$$ and has told me "I hate her" .
Her granddaughter has told her she would move her to the city she lives in, but that she would have to live in a nursing home as granddaughter is unwilling to care for her in her home.
*end vent*
Thank you
Annette

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Countrymouse, that about sums it up! Hoping it all improves by Friday.
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Wow! Friday!

Your stress levels must be off the chart.

But the good thing is, so must hers. Which means this could be a passing crisis, at fever pitch just now because of the upheaval.

You've made all the arrangements, you've got it all set up, all you have to do now is get through this week and get to your new home. Meanwhile it is going to be hell, hell, hell - but that's moving. The late Jack Rosenthal wrote a very good play about this, the name of which will come back to me any second… or not… based on the seven deadly sins. Bamber, the main character, has a refrain that goes "the thing about moving is it's upsetting. People get upset." He then warms to his theme but this isn't really the time for that.

Screw the absentee son. Nice idea re grandchild but neither here nor there just at the moment. The important thing is that you and your husband have made a good plan for yourselves, which also tidily accommodates your step-MIL. See it through, if necessary with the aid of duct tape, rope and a hip flask (I draw the line at chloroform); get to your new home; give her a defined period in which to calm down and settle; then see where you are. If she's still keening and creating, NH it is. But I'm betting she won't be.

In a nutshell, I'm not surprised you're fit to be tied, anybody would be. But you're very nearly there. Grit your teeth. All will be well.
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Thank you all for your answers and support. I am trying to stay positive and have sympathized with her over the situation. Finding this board and having someplace to vent my frustration has help tremendously as I feel very alone some days. I agree she will settle down once we have moved. She is very aware of her options. I am always nice, but clear as I don't think being vague helps the situation.
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I commend you for the care and compassion you have for your MIL. As much as possible acknowledge her feelings and fear of moving. Say things like "you are right, I wish we did not have to move." Take the high road as much as possible as kindness goes a long way. I work in a NH every other weekend and care for my bed bound dad and very controlling, demeaning mother. In both situation, talking to them, allowing them to vent and making them feel good goes a long way. I pray that God will give you wisdom, restraint and kind words when you are getting harsh ones.
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I think once you move her, she'll settle down to her "normal" not-nice self, LOL. If you can manage that, I think you'll be OK. And worst case you can move her to a NH in NV if she continues to act up. Just keep saying to yourself, "This too shall pass" and once you move, hopefully it will.

But I would be ready to move her into a NH if she continues to be such a pain in the neck. If she understands that she has two options - NH in NV or at home in NV with you, she might settle down. Hang in there, you'll be moved shortly!
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I have discussed the nursing home option with her. She is adamant about not going into a NH. She would sit in a NH here without any family contact if I leave her in WA. The son and granddaughter have made it very clear over the last 4 years that they will not take time out of their lives to see her.
She has never been a nice person, so this isn't a personality change for her. She has just stepped up the resistance. She will go to a NH in NV if she continues to decline. I can not monitor her care long distance nor can I afford to fly up here every time she calls me.
I would forever worry about her if I left her here. Her Dr assures me that her health is fine and that she is ok to move. How do you just walk away from someone????
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When I read your post my first thought was, "Oh my, they're going to drag this lady across country and she's going to make them pay for it for the rest of her life." She's doing everything in her power to stop this move and if she does end up moving with you she's going to do everything in her power to make you regret it. Elderly people don't handle moving very well. Their entire personality can change with a move and it messes with their mind. I've seen in personally and I've read about it over and over on this site.

If there is a way to keep her in WA I would do that.
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I vote for a NH in WA, covered by insurance. She will escalate the drama in Nevada to the point of hospitalization. She might kill you with stress before she decides when to stop. It won't be healthy for hubby either. The other son and the granddaughter seem to already be aware of her manipulative behavior and have stepped back to protect themselves. Follow their lead.
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