I Don't Hear About Not Wanting Dad's to Live with Me Anymore. So is it really just all about mom?

In my case, my father passed away years before my mom needed care.

Just a thought - - It may be that many people's mothers took care of their husbands & later when they needed care themselves, their children stepped up to help.

That very well could be. I also know there is no way I could have taken care of my father 24/7. He is a 6' 4" man with a stubborn streak that would have been a constant battle due to his Alzheimer's.

I'm just curious about the dynamic about it all. Is it easier to take care of dad over mom since we hear about wanting mom's out of the house.

Good perception to consider.

It will be interesting to hear what others say on the subject. I can add that when I was a child, my grandfather (dads side) moved in with us when he became ill. The experience was a good one for all of us, even when the caring was difficult during the end. My mom was making calls & plans to go get him before my dad even heard he was sick. I watched both of my parents care for him until the end, and we children pitched in too.

I know not every family has that experience, but living in a family where caring for family was just a natural part of life, I think we bypassed alot of the strife by expecting things to work out even if they were hard - it diffused alot of arguments and taught me to manage stress by separating the action from the intention.

I would be interested to hear other people's tough stories - I have seen very large Alzheimers patients managed by one CNA and I have seen how hard it is too.

Consider that women outlive men by a fair number of years, so maybe there are just more mom's out there!

Good for you, mitzi! Great thread. I personally find working with my Dad (even with his Alzheimer's) much easier than caring for my Mom. Dad was always more approachable, so perhaps that's the reason. However, my Dad was "removed" from his home due to behavioral issues that made caring for him in mine impossible. The behavior was just too bizarre, and also frightening. Other circumstances removed that option. But now that he's been stabilized, through medications, routine, better nutrition and care, he's better to be around. I'm been blessed with a second chance with my Dad, who was previously too busy working to spend much time with. When he wasn't working, or resting.

I value this second chance, and count each moment as precious. He says some strange things, and I just smile. Doesn't matter. He can't help it. He acts really weird at times, and I let that slide, too. But he can smile and laugh. He loves our visits. My whole family was there today, and I invited him to walk outside in the beautiful sunshine. Instead, he got distracted by a room full of people gathered, and took me to a church service there. I didn't want to go, but he did. So I follow his lead. Sometimes he follows mine. My time with him is usually relaxing, and often fun. We laugh together. There's missing things, because he's lost the ability to communicate effectively, but it's OK. Things aren't perfect. But what in life is?

I told my sister that I get along better with Dad now that he has Alzheimer's, than I did growing up. She scornfully pointed out about what that may say about me. It's true that he doesn't know about my daily joys and struggles, or what I'm doing outside his facility. But I am no longer vying for his attention or competing with his employer, wife, hobbies, TV, etc. I have no expectations of him. Now he's "in the moment," with me, and usually they are pretty good ones. Life is reduced to fragments of time together, and has become much simpler. Some day I will relish these precious memories, and never regret the time I take to spend with Dad.