I was 16 she has never had drivers license she is by herself but I have handled groceries doctors but she shuffles along had broken hip displaced shoulder refuses to allow anyone in house what can I do I’m worn out I’m 70 she is 88
Nette2018, usually what happens when our parent gets older, they forget that we are also getting older. They still view us as being in our 20's or 30's with a ton of energy.
I remember waving my AARP membership card and my Medicare card as a hint that hey I am a senior citizen, too. My parents just looked at me like my hair was on fire.
It took me a while to learn to say "I cannot possibly do that", but my folks would usually fire back, then who will do that? My Mom refused any discussion on downsizing but Dad was all for it, Mom won. My Mom refused anyone coming in the house to help but Dad was all for it, again Mom won.
Many of us here had to wait for the parent to have a medical emergency where 911 was called, hospitalization, rehab, and then we would slide that parent into senior living.
Oh, one time I had broken my right arm, thus had to wear a sling. That was a great "visual" as my parents could actually see I was now limited.... I couldn't drive because I couldn't even put the car key into the ignition, or shift the gears. I was able to reschedule all their appointments [my folks went to every person that had initials after the name] to a much later date. Used on-line groceries with home delivery.
She is still living alone? That means, I assume, that she is mentally capable of making her own decisions. If you have POA you can act FOR her but not TO her. That is to say you can do things she requests you to do for her until she is no longer mentally capable of doing them or safely making her own decisions. She apparently IS mentally capable as she IS living alone. So, no, you cannot put her into care. However you CAN STOP DOING THAT CARE yourself. And that is what you should explain to her. Tell her that you can no longer do care for her and she must accept placement or you will withdraw yourself as POA and stop helping her. You are enabling her to do this and as Beatty here always says "There will be no solutions as long as you are all the solutions". If you don't want to be her POA NOW is the time to resign by letter that power with her, not when she is ill and needs someone to act for her. So consider doing that as well. So sorry you are going through this.
POA for health and finances is responsible for making sure she is safe and her care is managed. If you are POA you can place her in AL, or SNF (Skilled Nursing Facility) if she needs ongoing medical care Your other responsibility is to YOURSELF. Continuing to care for her places you in a position that may not be safe for YOU.
I remember waving my AARP membership card and my Medicare card as a hint that hey I am a senior citizen, too. My parents just looked at me like my hair was on fire.
It took me a while to learn to say "I cannot possibly do that", but my folks would usually fire back, then who will do that? My Mom refused any discussion on downsizing but Dad was all for it, Mom won. My Mom refused anyone coming in the house to help but Dad was all for it, again Mom won.
Many of us here had to wait for the parent to have a medical emergency where 911 was called, hospitalization, rehab, and then we would slide that parent into senior living.
Oh, one time I had broken my right arm, thus had to wear a sling. That was a great "visual" as my parents could actually see I was now limited.... I couldn't drive because I couldn't even put the car key into the ignition, or shift the gears. I was able to reschedule all their appointments [my folks went to every person that had initials after the name] to a much later date. Used on-line groceries with home delivery.
However you CAN STOP DOING THAT CARE yourself. And that is what you should explain to her. Tell her that you can no longer do care for her and she must accept placement or you will withdraw yourself as POA and stop helping her. You are enabling her to do this and as Beatty here always says "There will be no solutions as long as you are all the solutions".
If you don't want to be her POA NOW is the time to resign by letter that power with her, not when she is ill and needs someone to act for her. So consider doing that as well.
So sorry you are going through this.
No, Mother I cannot do *insert task* anymore. But I CAN help you find replacements.
Basically, Mom needs stuff done. But does not have the right to insist YOU do it.
Thoughts?
If you are like YES, I Agree! OK! Action stations!
Many have successfully taken steps from where you are & hopefully replies will follow. You can choose what advice will help you.
I however, you FEEL you must do as Mom says - we can talk about that further. Coz that's the key.
If you are POA you can place her in AL, or SNF (Skilled Nursing Facility) if she needs ongoing medical care
Your other responsibility is to YOURSELF. Continuing to care for her places you in a position that may not be safe for YOU.