I live with my grandmother as an agreement reached before her failing mental health and the death of my grandpa, her husband of 73 years. Her POA has moved from California to be near us and is aware of her failing mental state. She tells me I overreact after continuously begging her for help. My mother has summoned her to find help, even providing numbers and names and how to yet she has failed to do so. How can I go about making use of that information? I can’t wait anymore I will end up in the hospital with a heart attack. I am 45 years old and these last 2 years have been a slippery slope. family visits for maybe 2 hours once a week, she def does the "show timers" thing and she’s acting out in front of my 11-year-old daughter. the POA has made no attempt whatsoever in FEAR SHE WOULD BE BLAMED FOR PUTTING HER IN A HOME. I need help!
The quickest way from there is to quit.
Give 2 weeks notice to the POA. If not permanently, to take a holiday. Is there someone you could stay with for 2 weeks if need be?
Without you, the POA must provide round the clock care in-home themself, hire help or have Grandma moved into care.
Either the POA is in denial & you stepping back will allow them to SEE & FEEL reality.
Or, they do know the needs & are using you. Either way, without you, reality will FORCE the POA to make big changes.
This is extreme & many could not even contemplate as it would leave their elder in danger. Is this the case?
If so, say so. So we can help form a SAFER plan.
Are you living rent free in exchange for caring for your grandmother? And I hope you are still getting paid for your 24/7 care?
But even if you're getting paid, you know that all the money in the world is not worth losing your health over, so give the POA a months notice, go get yourself a small apartment, and a new less stressful job.
And if need be, call APS and report a vulnerable adult living on their own and they will come and do an investigation. Then the POA will really be in trouble if they don't step up and provide the proper care needed, whether it be hands on or being placed in a facility.
And you can once and for all get on with your life, and get back to just being the granddaughter and not the caregiver.
I wish you well.
I think this is the one in your area.
https://aaaswfl.org/services/
They have a hotline. You can discuss her situation and if need be give them the POAs number. They may refer the situation to APS? I’m not sure. It is a place to start.
Who is the POA thinking is going to blame her? More like getting blamed for standing in the way of her mother getting care.
You have your daughter, your grandmother and yourself to protect. I’m glad you are finding the forum helpful.
It sounds like you're in over your head. Elderly caregiving is one of the most difficult jobs in the world. However you're getting compensated is not worth it imo. You're going to have to give the poa your notice and they will have to figure it out. It will be a lot more expensive but that's their problem.
Rip that bandaid off because this will age the heck out of you.
I learned the hard way that you don’t do any caretaking for someone unless you are the one with medical & financial POA……..they have all the control
That is the best advice on the thread. Never do any family caretaking unless you are the medical and financial POA.
Whatever living arrangement has been made you need to look for other arrangements if placing grandma in a facility is in the future.
Send a letter, I would send certified, to the POA and inform the POA that under the current conditions you can no longer SAFELY care for grandma.
Outline what changes need to be made in order for you to continue caring for her.
Pick a date that the changes need to be made by. If there has been no improvement then tell the POA that for grandma's safety and yours you will no longer be able to care for her.
You could contact APS and inform them that as of (give the date you gave POA) grandma will be an at risk senior living by herself with no caregiver.
I would call APS and see what they can do. But, I think it comes down to you getting guardianship to override the POA. This can be expensive. Grandmoms money maybe able to be used to obtain it. As guardian you will then have the right to place grandma if you need to. Get help in the house so you can work full-time.
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