Follow
Share

So, my Brother flew up from Florida to stay with me and dad for a week. He's been recently diagnosed with dementia and I've taken a LOA from my work in Florida and moved to Michigan to stay with dad and try to figure out a plan as to whether I'm staying here or bringing dad back to Florida with me. I am his POA as well. So since I've been here (late April) I've used up my PTO from work. Dad fully understands that I'm not making any money and is willing to and we have agreed, for him to pay me $500/week for 24 hr. care. I've been working on getting my POA in place and its been insinuated that I not use Dad's money to pay for my bills. That's when I got with an attorney and had a "caregiver" contract drawn up. I also had to have the POA rewritten because his orig was done up as a "springing" and the banks didn't like that, so we did a "general" POA. Thursday brother flies in, me, dad and brother meet with the lawyer to sign the new POA/CAREGIVER papers. And everything went to SH*T. (sorry). Brother ended up getting added to the POA and refused to sign the CG papers. Says that it'll use up all of dads $$ (of which he has plenty) and instead, dad can come to Florida to live with him, and he won't have to pay. oh and being that my brother/sister-in-law are semi retired and in early 70's, when he works she will care for him. And I can go back to work, as if nothing happened, and I can visit dad anytime, he would only be 3 hrs away.
First....I am the one dad chose for his POA, what he did I felt was dirt sneaky, using dad's memory loss as an advantage. So now it reads me "or" him.
second...I've been the main caregiver and know all about dad more so and he's more comfortable with ME.
THIRD...if dad doesn't want to go to Florida, I may have to stay in Mich with him for the winter (not crazy about that). Brother insists he go...good luck!
and lastly.....I feel I've been blindsided...the current plan is to drive dad back to Florida with me, I get him settled and familiar and maybe into the senior center, I go back to work, possible part time and he's with me primarily. Dad can visit brother, which gives me a break, but not the plan he's thinking.
so...the caregiver contract, he's not agreeing with, doesn't want to sign it, and says he has to think about it. I explained to him that I did this so that I'm not accused of taking dads $$ and paying my bills with it, and we all know what I'm getting, nothing more. It's just a security for me, and its for our own records. If he flat out says he's not agreeing, can he prohibit dad from paying me? Dad and I agreed on this a month ago (when he was more competent), it's not a lot, and dad can afford it.
He's concerned, I get it, but it's dad's money to take care of dad. he gets $4000 a month, total bills for the year are 17000.00. That's it! No Debt whats so ever, everything is paid off, house/car....so...I say, it doesn't matter, dad and I will continue to do as we've been doing, he pays me weekly, I care for him, and hopefully next month we will be heading south, if not, then I continue my personal leave from work, possibly quitting, and stay with dad thru the winter. I have nothing really holding me in Florida, not in a relationship, kids married and moved away, I am the one that has always come to visit dad every year, and when he's been hospitalized, not my brother. It's always been ME, never him(or my other brother), I'm the youngest, and I know that dad chose me because of that, and I'm more responsible and definitely more dependable. Any suggestions???

Find Care & Housing
it sounds like your brother and his wife are more worried about caring for your dad’s money than they are about caring for your dad.

Don’t force your dad to “try” living with them - no need to hurt Dad like that just to prove the point - that it is hard work that they are not truly interested in providing.

$500 is extremely reasonable for 24/7 care. You would not likely be able to hire caregivers willing to work for such a low rate. I realize that you are willing to accept this because you love your dad and would do anything for him, but are unable to survive financially without the income.

Nevertheless, protect yourself legally from the financial devastation of future lawsuits (probably brought after your Dad’s lifetime). From this point forward, you will not have a relationship with your brother (and you will be better than fine).

You said your Dad was recently diagnosed with dementia, so I’m expecting that his dementia is mild and early. If that is not the case, this plan below will not work.

if allowed in Michigan, ask the lawyer for a competency hearing before a probate judge - during the hearing your Dad can also sign the agreement and (if your Dad chooses) revoke your brother as POA. If your Dad signs these documents at any earlier or later time, even directly after the hearing, this will not be as effective protection for you.

For a small cost (to your dad), hire a payroll company to cut your checks and withhold your taxes, etc so that as POA, you are not directly writing those “employment” checks to yourself.

I wish you you the best and admire your willingness to step up for your dad. Most people are not willing to do that.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to ACaringDaughter
Report

Your brother sounds worried about his inheritance.

If you take dad to Florida, plan on being his 24/7/365 caregiver. Your brother has already started back peddling on taking care of dad. I bet his wife told him he shouldn't be offering her services.

Have dad sign the caregiver contract and continue what you are doing, you may be better off staying away from brother and his opinions.

If your dad had 2 doctors sign that he was incompetent the new POA is not valid. I would speak with a different attorney and find out exactly how this works. It is a mess at this point and you want to verify that you as POA can do a caregiver contract with yourself, if the new POA is even valid, which I seriously doubt, and how to protect yourself and dad from your brother jumping in the middle of things making your life harder.

Best of luck getting this all sorted so you can say, sorry bro. I am the POA, period, end of discussion. Love you and all is well with dad, let's leave it that way.

Direct him to the information that moving and change is REALLY difficult for dementia patients. This is about dad and his wellbeing, not your brother's inheritance.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

ADVICE: GET A COMPETENT LAWYER ASAP AND DUMP THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN USING!!! A springing power of attorney is called that because it “springs” into action if (and ONLY if) you become incapacitated. (Durable power of attorney becomes effective as soon as you sign the document, and continues to be effective if you are incapacitated.) You say the 2007 document was a springing POA which appointed you dad's agent, and you met the terms of that POA when you got the two doctor's letters allowing you to act as his POA, which you have been doing. You have no power to replace this document with any other document. Whatever you did with the banks couldn't have replaced this although you might have filled out some paperwork to prove that you had POA. Any change in your father's POA would have to have been made by your father when he still had capacity, which according to your clarifying response above he surely did not have when you and your brother and he met with the attorney. The attorney should have refused to draw up the new document since your father obviously didn't understand what he was signing. If Brother wants to fight this you should be able to easily show that the POA your father was bullied into signing by brother and incompetent attorney is invalid by producing your original springing POA and subsequent letters of incapacity. Regarding the "caregiver" contract: If the contract was signed by dad before he became incapacitated, then it's valid. After that you are his agent under the DPOA and you undoubtedly have the power to make this arrangement if you think it best. If Brother wants to mess with your arrangements and strip you of your POA he'd have to file for and be appointed guardian, he could never be legitimately appointed dad's POA unless Dad were to regain capacity under the terms of the existing springing POA. OK you amateur attorneys out there, you can correct any boo-boos I made have made here but the basic principle stands.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to superstring
Report

so to answer some of yours answers....The ORIGINAL Durable (Springing)POA, was drawn up in 2007. After mom died in 2006, dad felt in necessary to get things in better order. So, it's been me ever since. So now my father has been diagnosed with Dementia, and I have the 2 letters from physicians stating this, which is what the "springing" requires. Since, I've been here(april), I have acted as his POA, and have been taking care of dad and his affairs. I ran into an issue with the banks, on the POA, so I had a "general" POA drawn up so the banks would accept me and allow me to handle his financials. The "Caregiver Contract" was done up so that "brother" knows and understand where some of the money is going and that dad and I have an agreement. Brother is not sold on it, and just thinks its better for dad to move to Florida with him/wife and dad won't have to pay for brother/sisterinlaw to care for him. Dads mind comes and goes. and when we were at the lawyers, dad didn't understand about the "new" POA, and just kept asking my brother what he thought of it. I tried to explain that it was just rewritten so the banks would accept it and I can continue my duties. Dad really didn't understand, next thing brother is added and it reads me "or" him. As for his inheritance, brother and I split everything 50/50, that's not an issue, we both feel the same about that.
So, I feel that because dad and I had this agreement on him paying me, then we will continue this. And I will continue to keep record of all the transactions in case anyone wants to know. I just wanted it in writing because brother has insinuated that I had better not use dads money for my bills. He's worried that dad will run out of money and not be able to maintain his home, and as I've explained , dad has plenty and will still be able to maintain his home and then some. he might not have the huge nest egg that he currently has, but he will have his monthly income. It's just a mess. It's not that hard to understand, I'm just trying to get brother to understand. And like I had said before, the Orig POA was done in 2007, and now we have the new one with him on it, I feel like he took advantage of dads memory loss. Dad has told me numerous times," You are my Advocate, POA, and you know what to do, the "boys" don't. " and yet, here we are. :(
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Alicia54
Report

Your father added your brother because he wanted to. Now you are both POA and need to work together. Are you both executors to the will as well? No, you can't just enforce what you want since now there is another POA and you both must agree about care especially where money is concerned. I see the family drama all the time...it's gets very tiring. The fact is it was your father's choice to have two POA so you must work with your brother...legally; care plan or no care plan. Your father can pay you whatever he wants. There is a great misunderstanding to capacity. Your father is yet to be deemed unfit (by 2 docs) therefore he makes his own decisions. POA is there for if and when he loses his mind...if your father wants to pay you it's your father's business. If I were you I would keep daily documentation of what you're doing even if it's just companionship...good records will protect you in the future. Research capacity for elders...he could be ranting mad and still be deemed with capacity.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to shar1953
Report

Have another POA drawn up while your dad is still competent, as for the other all you need is your fathers approval, not your brothers. Possibly you are sharing much too much with your brother.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to DollyMe
Report

I'd say rewrite the POA paperwork to exclude brother altogether.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to mmcmahon12000
Report

If your father is competent enough to sign POA documents then he is competent enough to sign the care giver agreement. Depending on how the POA is written you may need your brother to agree to pay you when/if your father is no longer able to handle his money. If he doesn't you may end up in court then.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to TNtechie
Report

Why does your brother have to agree to and sign the caregiver contract? If your dad was competent enough to re-assign you POA when the POA document was re-done then your brother has no authority. POA does not give him control OVER your dad, it does not give him the right or ability to override your dad. The caregiver contract is between you and your dad.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to worriedinCali
Report

This is a matter of fact, legally.
Your father still rules. Just because a general POA is in place doesn't mean you brother has management of his life against his will. The POA is delegated authority, legally given by your father, in accomplishing matters for him when he can't. Talk with your father and continue with what you two have decided.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to anonymous418566
Report

Is your brother co-POA? I wonder if he understands that as POA you have to show receipts for everything you’ve spent. When I was my mom’s POA, any of her funds I spent had to go for her and her needs. In other words, I could not spend my mom’s money to pay my electric bill. Can you say what you think your brother’s reasons are for causing all these problems. If you have been dad‘s caregiver all these years then why is he interfering all of a sudden? Is your brother afraid there will be no inheritance? I’m not certain that it will do your father much good to have his kids fighting over him. Can you have an honest conversation with your brother, keeping things calm and respectful and find out what is going on with your brother. You might even want to go back to the lawyer with just your brother and discuss what went on at the first meeting.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter