I am tired and beyond frustrated with my parents, sisters, and brothers. Parents have had problem after problem since thanksgiving last year. At first septic system failed, bypassed that problem. Then the stove went out. Hubby fixed that problem. Then the icebox went out. We were going to purchase new but the only person willing to shell out money was dad and mom and sister refused to help. So we went used instead.

Now, the sound I kept telling everyone sounded like a leak in the wall has turned into a major plumbing issue. The leak is so far underneath the concrete slab, the plumber suggested new installation at about $1400.

So after discovering rural development denied them for a guaranteed loan due income being $3000 over the limit. We discussed checking with the bank. I drive down. Soon as I asked mom to get ready she had a fit talking about having to sign her name to a bank loan and how she has never had to do such a thing. We left to meet dad and sister in town.

As soon as we meet up in town sister starts talking about I told you all you did not have to go through all this trying to get a loan stuff. We can go another month and re-do my loan which dad has to cosign. Then she goes on to say that brother who is not a plumber says he can fix everything as long as parts are purchased.

Then they go on to talk about their homeowner policy. I tell them insurance will do nothing especially if you do not use a licensed plumber. Hubby and I are so upset at everyone. Sister and mom for not being willing to contribute financially. Dad for constantly borrowing and then shelling it out to adult children.

Mom had the nerve to ask me why we are not coming as often. Hello? I cannot wash your hair, give you a bath, or fix you a hot meal because the pluming problem tanked the gas in the home. And if anyone gets a bad stomach lol, who wants to pour water out of a bucket to flush.

To top it off, we have been off and on traveling a long distance because dad has a medical problem and set to have prostate surgery if he can handle being put to sleep.

I want to rebel and find rest of money needed. Whether it is through bank loan, credit card, etc.

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Thanks all for helpful advice!
Helpful Answer (0)

It sounds like a money pit. Even if you get this round of money, what happens down the road when you need more money? In some areas, there's contractor surplus where you can get slightly defective but perfectly operational appliances and toilets.

The septic tank collapsed? It needs to be replaced and that's expensive. Even in the most rural of places, sewage leaching into the ground is a health hazard. The earlier you address this with the county where your parents live the better. Maybe they can do the work and get them on a payment plan to repay the county for the work. And if neighbors start smelling it, your parents will be fined and/or forced to pump the sewage often and that's not cheap either. I would not's only going to get worse.
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Rural development said they did not require a deed. They said income had to be less than $18,000/$17,000 and something. I can’t remember exact figure.

The bank in past years including this one have loaned out small amounts under $2000. I wanted to look into this option after rural development said between the three their income was over by $3000. However, no one told me about the loan starting at $50K. Maybe that is the real issue. No way at their age would I help them apply for a $50,000 loan.

No involvement from county. We are just trying to get the leak fixed or plumbing redone. We know there is a leak because the water bill has shot up sky high and the leak has been confirmed. Just need the money to do the work.

The real question is why sister can’t just say I order this machine or medication. Would not that be easier to say I decided you needed this and why? I order all routine meds faithfully each month for dad and mom. Dad picks up these meds faithfully from pharmacy each month after I give him the go ahead. So when mom called and said I got the new machine and medicine (not related to the machine) you ordered I was clueless. When I asked sister in presence of them if she made the order, she denied and blamed me.

Yes, spoke to doctor and they are trying to decide on anesthesia. Right now they are considering spinal laryngeal mask airway and spinal.
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answry, each receive; I wondered if your mom was receiving any as well but the rural development loan wouldn't require a deed? thought they were only for property; do they do personal loans as well? but your dad wouldn't be able to get enough to really do much good, would he? like dad with his payday loans?

but I can almost guarantee your mom and sis will find a way if anything happens to your dad; that kind almost always does. I'm somewhat surprised he apparently could do what he did while he was in the logging business; have a friend whose husband is a logger and had it not been for a cousin of his he wouldn't have made it this far; he's the one who got them their house that they have that's got plenty of its own issues; had to have a well put in to even have water; the guy before was either providing it to his son or the other way around but he was the one who had it all worked out and then he passed away and when the son got it he just let it go so when that happened the county cut the water off to it, so might be what would happen to them, which, now that would be a mess, wouldn't it, but then, is that what you're saying the issue is now with this leak? but at least they do still have water hooked up to the house? but I still don't understand them being over the limit; like I said I was told they didn't want to loan under $50K (I think I said, anyway)

so are you not wanting to pay mom's bill because of sister's?

so why do you think your sister told the doc your mom needed a nebulizer? does she use it or was it for your dad? with his emphysema/lung capacity, to help keep him from getting pneumonia? you're right, doesn't sound good.

my uncle had what I think may have been the same procedure as your dad had and it seems as if it doesn't work nearly so well as the surgery my dad had but I don't think he ended up having to have it done, though, but wonder if some other things he wound up having problems with were related to all that; I do hate that and I can see the anesthesia concern with his lung problems, so is he supposed to find out?

my dad was like that, too; the docs said he was the healthiest - according to him - sick man they'd ever seen, actually kept them fooled for a long time, almost surprised your dad's, if he's like that, know he's as bad as he is
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Yes, both receive less than $600 a month. Dad on his own has been able to get small loans as previously mentioned because he is well-known and liked in our small town so people normally go out of their way to help.

My siblings are all vultures.

Unfortunately, I don’t know what will become of my siblings and mom if anything happens to dad. Mom has income and so does sister. They were over the rural development limit by $3000 (using 3 incomes). Correct, mom does not want to be on a loan because dad has always took care of things financially. Well hello family he is no longer in the logging business. Can’t afford what he once was able to afford.

This was for a personal loan. The rural development one also would not require a deed. I pay all household bills out of their money. However, sister’s son has been in jail for some time. She received calls from him while he was locked up. So her portion of the bill is clear cut. But she will not pay. I pay mom’s portion as usual but I don’t think I will next month. Tired of looking at a past due November bill.

The nebulizer was ordered through doc. Sister went in with Dad one day and told same doc mom was out of meds. I told doc over phone that I have been bringing mom in and she has not used any stuff like this in over three years if not more. I asked were there any changes? She said no your sister said she needed meds.

He had the micro procedure about three years ago.

Last year he got diagnosed with severe emphysema 1/3 lung capacity. All I know is that lung doctor and general docs don’t want him sick. No infections, no phenomena, no colds, etc. I take this as not good. Lol, but you can’t tell him that as he stays on the go and has a good spirit.
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I somewhat agree. My dad had grandson move in with him, not just for him to help take care of him, but also to help him out because he couldn't understand how he was paying for his own place with not working (which I also am not going to talk about here) but he thought he'd be helping him out. But guess he didn't think about what would happen when it was all over but before then when he wound up in the hospital and they wanted him to go to nursing home he didn't want him to by then either because by then he was no longer able to pay the living expenses without dad's income. But I couldn't really do much about it then because my POA didn't give me authority over his house to be able to get him out, though maybe had I gone ahead with what they wanted me to do to place him he might have left with not enough money. We went through somewhat the same thing with them thinking we're better off, more so with mom, that we should be sympathetic and help and that's when we did most of it, for her when she was here, before dad had grandson move in, somewhat after we'd gotten dad to quit doing it but by taking out payday loans, so maybe we should have just left things alone but he was getting to where he couldn't pay them back, don't see how your dad's keeping on. Anyway, grandson hasn't left yet.
But I don't see how your dad could get a loan either; my dad brought in about twice that much, about what grandson's bringing in now, but I really don't understand how you're saying they're saying income's $3000 over limit when it's not even that much? or does your mom have income as well? just doesn't want to be on loan because dad's always taken care of things? if so, can I ask why his income's so low; what did he always take care of things with? I'm assuming mom's having to be on this one because it's a house loan where a regular one she's not had to be, that that's why sister's saying to forget about that one and just wait on hers, but not sure understand how dad's even able to co-sign with her with his income or if she can pay hers off why she's having to and have you been paying the phone bill? and is it hers or your moms? that's what grandson started doing, somewhat since dad was paying living expenses, he started putting other people on his phone bill that aren't paying now so he's getting ready to let them get disconnected.
And was the nebulizer ordered through the doctor?
Did your dad have actual surgery the first time or was that just his treatment? when was that? how old was he then? when my dad had his first surgery it was before they'd come out with that treatment; he was still relatively young then, in his 50s or 60s; there was no problem with him with anesthesia the 2nd time at that age as your dad; is there some kind of problem with him that there's a concern re the anesthesia?
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I'm speaking TOTALLY from experience, "Back Away" from the situation financially. My husband and I went through almost the same thing with my parents and brother who lived with them for three years. They lived on fixed income and he was suppose to help pay bills and did not. They had late charges etc....then when appliances started breaking down we had to replace them because we "had more" which we were glad to do BUT when we started paying bill after bill AND hire extra help our "more" became depleted very fast. Finally, my husband and I backed away because my parents needed 24 hour care and the only way to get them real help was to let EVERYTHING fall apart. My brother didn't want them to go to nursing home because he couldn't pay living expenses without their income. He fought us and we had to evict him since we owned the property. It was a very bad time but my brother is now living with a friend. My mom is clean, dressed, fed, exercised, socialized, and healthy in the nursing home. She doesn't have to worry about broken appliances, buying groceries or paying bills. Her every need is met and that has given me peace. Sadly my dad passed away last year but the nursing home staff took very care of him
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GET A LOAN, sorry too many typos! Oops!
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Answry, there is no way your Dad could probably ever a loab, let alone pay one back, if they are surviving (or not), on 600 dollars per month (ss)? It just doesn't seem possible! Is that truly all your parents bring in per month?
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Parent’s home is 43-years old. Everyone says I was the baby when it was built or purchased. However, it has seen 10 kids, mom being caregivers to both her parents, and tons of grandkids. Mom and sister have been homebodies. Dad always took care of everything financially. The expectation from others is still the same till this day. They expect him on a fixed income of less than $600 to get things done all on his own and will use guilt to get what they want.
The only way those people will leave that home is through death.

I don’t know about this route. Someone would probably have to be tipped off. I’ve considered this but only in the way of making them get things done.

The septic system would have required so much to replace. This sucker failed. I’m talking about caved in. Contractors suggested that the cost would be extreme and to run long plumbing pipes since they live in the country.
Health problems for both.

Deb daughter
Sometimes I don’t think they think about us. Siblings and mom feel that we are a little better off and so should be more sympathetic towards others who have less. Dad gives them what for and then bails them out anyway. I didn’t know that as well but here we are again three years later. The first one was called transurethral microwave therapy. He is having one this time called Transurethral resection only if he can handle anesthesia.

I can get parents on same page with me but 45-minutes later (my drive time) and all plans will have changed. I’m ok with forgetting loans. But if you can keep co-signing loans for others or getting a loan altogether for someone else, why can’t you get one for your own self (not what I want to say here)? Why do you have to wait and let sister pay her loan off and then co-sign with her? She already handle bill paying wrong. Every month I stare at an unpaid $59 dollar phone bill (lingering since November) because sister will not pay her portion. So, late fee gets added each month. It makes me mad. I don’t even know what to do about that? I guess next month, if it does not get paid this month, I will let it get disconnected rather than pay mom’s portion.

Another example, sister ordered a nebulizer machine for mom and some other medication. Then told both parents I ordered up all that stuff. I called doctor in front of them and they heard doctor give the name of person who made the claim and all they would say was don’t say anything to sister. Don’t start a fight.

Both parents will be 82 years old 1'st part of year if God's will.
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And are they even thinking about ya'll at all? my parent's house maybe didn't quite get that bad, although I think their stove did go out, but they had my grandmother's already, so just replaced it with that but it doesn't all work but by then they weren't really cooking all that much anyway, but then they had somebody in who was, so not really sure how that all went, but hasn't been replaced. Their fridge did go out but we were able to find one at the big box store for not too much, so we just got it for them.

But since they passed, grandson dad had had move in with him to take care of him found a leak in the wall that required tearing it out and the subfloor and replacing, remodeling the bathroom then painted the bedroom, then the gas water heater developed a leak that had to be fixed that then required replacing subfloor in that closet, hallway and other bedroom but grandson had friend who is a plumber who did at least the plumbing, then had another friend who pretty much did the rest of the work, with girlfriend having gotten her money she'd been waiting on from settlement from her work to pitch for some of the materials, new vanity used off Craiglist and grandson working again doing construction for former boss remodeling hotel so had the money. We ran into rural development loan doesn't want to loan less than $50K and grandson not enough income for that and girlfriend not around anymore but could a loan for the amount of the hardwood that was purchased.
Homeowners has been cancelled due to an inspection never told about but had been grandfathered in so repairs had never had to have been made. So no loan on house till can get insurance. So now no one wants to make repairs because of no insurance.
answry, how old is your dad? mine had to have another - didn't know you could have to have more than one - prostate surgery in his mid-80s.
no more credit cards and because of all had/have no bank loan without HELOC.
in many ways, wish dad had just gone ahead and sold the house back when he talked about it and moving into assisted living before it started having all these problems and especially after just replacing the heating system part after it went out. His was paid for as well, but now because of the shape it's in we can't get what it should be worth either, at least partially because of the floors especially after subfloors being replaced but only that, no flooring down and wanting to return the hardwood bought since she not there with her income anymore.
Too bad, in some ways, not in town where it could be condemned.
Already had septic issues as well concerned about, managed to skate through the last time with just a clean out but for how long. Sure be an issue then! Could sell as is but nobody's done that yet - well, except for one sold at courthouse auction but not because of condition - no house in that neighborhood/subdivision has been allowed to get - or at least stay - in that bad condition, hate to be the first; however, other houses comparable on other side of street, seems to have something to do with the septic issue. But not sure who's taken care of the one that's for sale now.
My parents sold their other house to buy this one, with the stipulation there wouldn't have to be any extra money, so they got what they paid for, which wasn't nearly as good a quality as what they had. Bank wanted insurance before appraisal. Insurance may not care but bank will, I think, about the unfinished room.
Helpful Answer (1)

answry, I think if a house doesn't have running water or flushable toilets [that were working at one time], the County could deem the house not inhabitable.

The only ones to blame in this situation are your parents, as it has their choice to continue to live in a house that keeps falling down around them. Forget about loans, what would be the collateral? The house? What will need repair next? Time to sell the house "as is" and for your parents to move into something that doesn't require a lot of work.
Helpful Answer (5)

A bypassed septic? That will be the next to go, and then you are talking tens of thousands of dollars to replace it! Maybe it's time to sell up, as is, and get them out of a circle of repair nightmares, as obviously they will not be able to afford repair after repair. Their health will be the next to fail, if it isn't already! I'm so sorry this is happening to you! It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders!
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The house sounds ready to condemn. So condemn it and get them out of there.
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My mothers house is 115 years old, finally sold it in November and it was not easy! The septic system had to be replaced, $22,000, the water softener had to be replaced, plus a number of other things. Water test failed, had to have a different conditioner put in, water test passed. I told my mother years ago to sell that house,but she wasn't ready. She was sitting on a gold mine 10 years ago that
turned to gold plated. It's a shame, her house was paid for but because of the shape it was in we couldn't get what it was worth. I wish you luck with the repairs.
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