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My mother is 85 years old. I'm an only child and I live 2,000 miles away. My mother is very bull headed. She is tighter than the bark on a tree. She is suffering from Macular Degeneration. She WILL NOT MOVE in with me, nor will she go into a home. She will not pay for anyone to come and take care of her in her home. She wants my husband and I to move to be closer to her. We have just retired to this area, haven't purchase a home as yet. We love it here, and we do no want to move. The guilt is overwhelming to me. We can only afford to visit her once a year. Do we move to be closer to her, an area we hate, and look at it as a temporary (till she passes) thing, or do we stay here, but then what do I do about my mother????

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This is only my opinion so please take it with a grain of salt if you have to.

Stay where you are. Do what you love. If you must take care of your mother, do it where YOU want to. Taking care of your aging parent will be hard enough if you choose to do it. Giving up your life and all that you have worked for can be overwhelmingly depressing for you if your mother declines slowly and you live in an area you hate for a longer than anticipated time. "Temporary" is a harsh mistress your mother may live a great deal longer than you think.

Elderly can be bullheaded. Your mother has lived in a place SHE loved for a long time. Now she can't be independent any longer. Hopefully for you, a compromise can be made so she can get the care everyone wants for her without you having to give up your dreams to do it. Your wants and needs aren't worth less than hers. In fact, you'd be a better caregiver if you are in your happy place.

Has your mother been out to visit the area you are currently living in? Maybe she would like the region if she came out for an extended stay?

/hugs to you!
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