Someone previously posted:
"My brother had good intentions when asking our mother to live with he and his wife. However, as her health declined and she needed care, he lacks the compassion, patience and skills to do so. He has become verbally abusive so I contacted Adult Protective Services. My two older sisters supported my decision and now he won't allow us to see our mother. Is there anything we can do?"
What is the better way to handle a situation of this sort. By that I mean if a primary caregiver (with POA) is being abusive in any way what can a "secondary" caregiver do? From the experience described above, it seems that going to the authorities isn't the best solution. Being kept from the loved one is the greatest fear. I am doing everything I can to help. I've put my life on hold for almost two years now (living in their home, and for a year before that moving from my longtime home to be nearby them) but I'm "not giving enough" for the primary caregiver. (Nothing would ever be good enough for this person.) He refuses respite. His sister and the CNA (that he pays) go along with his actions, such as hitting my mom back when she hits him in the glasses or hearing aid. (When she hits him I feel that it is because he is being too impatient and doesn't have any empathy for her, rather, insisting that she instantly respond to his commands and adhere to his schedule and agenda.) I feel that my complaints and anger about this situation is causing him, his sister, and the paid CNA to try to freeze me out. He won't come right out and ask me to leave because he knows that he couldn't do it without me. I'm at the end of my rope, not because of caring for my loved one with ALZ but because of having to deal with the primary caregiver (my SF of almost 30 years). It's tearing my heart apart seeing his impatience and roughness toward my mom who has always been kind, generous and patient. I'm going to see if I can find someone to counsel me, which won't be easy since I've relocated to this rural area. I recently bought my own place to try and establish some boundaries with him but I haven't moved in yet because I'm afraid that he will retaliate by keeping me away from my mom or even putting her in a NH without me knowing anything or some other way to block me from being with my mom. Help! Advice?!