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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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M FIL did this and it drove me batty. It's not like I wasn't going to find the undies and such and I wish he could have "manned up" and just told me where his stashes were. (sigh) GREAT ADIVICE Sendhelp--just 15 years too late for me. All I could do was replace his beloved thong underwear with full coverage briefs and rely on my nose to find the soiled things.
FIL didn't have any dementia at all---just too sick to care anymore. Oh, and IF I could have gotten his son ( my hubby) to talk about it, I am sure the problem would have ceased. Hubby is a master of skirting an issue. Having "the talk" about these issues is HARD, but has to be done, if the elder won't admit to doing anything.
Sendhelp gives absolutely excellent advice. When incontinence began to appear, my husband willingly wore disposables. I'd add to Send's list, try to transition to disposable underwear (and NEVER call them diapers).
I have a comment about your post title. It may seem a small thing but it gets to the dignity issue than Send mentions. This person who has dementia is not "lying." The damaged brain has a different view of reality. It is important in your thinking and in your speaking that you don't blame the person for things that are caused by the dementia. "Lying" is a blaming word.
Brenda, I really don't know, but here is what I do know: 1) Protect the elder's dignity. 2) Never shame the elder by getting them to 'confess the truth'. 3) Treat them "as if" their brain is broken, because it is. And not condescendingly. 4) Protect their privacy. 5) You obviously have become aware of incontinence so deal: A. Provide a receptacle with a lid, or diaper pail in the bathroom to put the underwear in a solution of mild and diluted laundry detergent. B. Provide new underwear or depends. C. Pre-wash and sterilize the underwear-(always use a mask, long gloves, maybe bleach, as if the elder may have C-diff or MRSA.) Then wash separate from other laundry. D. Provide baby wipes if you know the elder won't flush them, because they need to keep clean. Assist when needed.
6) Report to the doctor, especially is there is diarrhea or blood in stool.
7) Suggest rather than confront, correct, punish, shame, train, because maybe they cannot learn a new way.
8) Make regular scavenger hunts in all the hiding places, remove and deal. Keep quiet about it, except to say come to you if this happens and you will take care of it.
9) Return to the forum here to vent and complain. Congratulations, you are a Caregiver.
10) In the search bar, enter incontinence issues to find articles and questions on your topic already discussed.
And finally, don't be embarrassed. You are not the only one to ever have to throw a few underwear away to prevent gagging.
Brenda, I am moving your post back up to the top of the line. Hopefully someone who had faced a similar problem will be able to answer your question :)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
FIL didn't have any dementia at all---just too sick to care anymore.
Oh, and IF I could have gotten his son ( my hubby) to talk about it, I am sure the problem would have ceased. Hubby is a master of skirting an issue. Having "the talk" about these issues is HARD, but has to be done, if the elder won't admit to doing anything.
Maybe the OP could not find her way back to the question.
I have a comment about your post title. It may seem a small thing but it gets to the dignity issue than Send mentions. This person who has dementia is not "lying." The damaged brain has a different view of reality. It is important in your thinking and in your speaking that you don't blame the person for things that are caused by the dementia. "Lying" is a blaming word.
I really don't know, but here is what I do know:
1) Protect the elder's dignity.
2) Never shame the elder by getting them to 'confess the truth'.
3) Treat them "as if" their brain is broken, because it is. And not condescendingly.
4) Protect their privacy.
5) You obviously have become aware of incontinence so deal:
A. Provide a receptacle with a lid, or diaper pail in the bathroom to put the underwear in a solution of mild and diluted laundry detergent.
B. Provide new underwear or depends.
C. Pre-wash and sterilize the underwear-(always use a mask, long gloves, maybe bleach, as if the elder may have C-diff or MRSA.) Then wash separate from other laundry.
D. Provide baby wipes if you know the elder won't flush them, because they need to keep clean. Assist when needed.
6) Report to the doctor, especially is there is diarrhea or blood in stool.
7) Suggest rather than confront, correct, punish, shame, train, because maybe they cannot learn a new way.
8) Make regular scavenger hunts in all the hiding places, remove and deal.
Keep quiet about it, except to say come to you if this happens and you will take care of it.
9) Return to the forum here to vent and complain. Congratulations, you are a Caregiver.
10) In the search bar, enter incontinence issues to find articles and questions on your topic already discussed.
And finally, don't be embarrassed. You are not the only one to ever have to throw a few underwear away to prevent gagging.