M FIL did this and it drove me batty. It's not like I wasn't going to find the undies and such and I wish he could have "manned up" and just told me where his stashes were. (sigh) GREAT ADIVICE Sendhelp--just 15 years too late for me. All I could do was replace his beloved thong underwear with full coverage briefs and rely on my nose to find the soiled things.
FIL didn't have any dementia at all---just too sick to care anymore. Oh, and IF I could have gotten his son ( my hubby) to talk about it, I am sure the problem would have ceased. Hubby is a master of skirting an issue. Having "the talk" about these issues is HARD, but has to be done, if the elder won't admit to doing anything.
Sendhelp gives absolutely excellent advice. When incontinence began to appear, my husband willingly wore disposables. I'd add to Send's list, try to transition to disposable underwear (and NEVER call them diapers).
I have a comment about your post title. It may seem a small thing but it gets to the dignity issue than Send mentions. This person who has dementia is not "lying." The damaged brain has a different view of reality. It is important in your thinking and in your speaking that you don't blame the person for things that are caused by the dementia. "Lying" is a blaming word.
Brenda, I really don't know, but here is what I do know: 1) Protect the elder's dignity. 2) Never shame the elder by getting them to 'confess the truth'. 3) Treat them "as if" their brain is broken, because it is. And not condescendingly. 4) Protect their privacy. 5) You obviously have become aware of incontinence so deal: A. Provide a receptacle with a lid, or diaper pail in the bathroom to put the underwear in a solution of mild and diluted laundry detergent. B. Provide new underwear or depends. C. Pre-wash and sterilize the underwear-(always use a mask, long gloves, maybe bleach, as if the elder may have C-diff or MRSA.) Then wash separate from other laundry. D. Provide baby wipes if you know the elder won't flush them, because they need to keep clean. Assist when needed.
6) Report to the doctor, especially is there is diarrhea or blood in stool.
7) Suggest rather than confront, correct, punish, shame, train, because maybe they cannot learn a new way.
8) Make regular scavenger hunts in all the hiding places, remove and deal. Keep quiet about it, except to say come to you if this happens and you will take care of it.
9) Return to the forum here to vent and complain. Congratulations, you are a Caregiver.
10) In the search bar, enter incontinence issues to find articles and questions on your topic already discussed.
And finally, don't be embarrassed. You are not the only one to ever have to throw a few underwear away to prevent gagging.
Brenda, I am moving your post back up to the top of the line. Hopefully someone who had faced a similar problem will be able to answer your question :)
FIL didn't have any dementia at all---just too sick to care anymore.
Oh, and IF I could have gotten his son ( my hubby) to talk about it, I am sure the problem would have ceased. Hubby is a master of skirting an issue. Having "the talk" about these issues is HARD, but has to be done, if the elder won't admit to doing anything.
Maybe the OP could not find her way back to the question.
I have a comment about your post title. It may seem a small thing but it gets to the dignity issue than Send mentions. This person who has dementia is not "lying." The damaged brain has a different view of reality. It is important in your thinking and in your speaking that you don't blame the person for things that are caused by the dementia. "Lying" is a blaming word.
I really don't know, but here is what I do know:
1) Protect the elder's dignity.
2) Never shame the elder by getting them to 'confess the truth'.
3) Treat them "as if" their brain is broken, because it is. And not condescendingly.
4) Protect their privacy.
5) You obviously have become aware of incontinence so deal:
A. Provide a receptacle with a lid, or diaper pail in the bathroom to put the underwear in a solution of mild and diluted laundry detergent.
B. Provide new underwear or depends.
C. Pre-wash and sterilize the underwear-(always use a mask, long gloves, maybe bleach, as if the elder may have C-diff or MRSA.) Then wash separate from other laundry.
D. Provide baby wipes if you know the elder won't flush them, because they need to keep clean. Assist when needed.
6) Report to the doctor, especially is there is diarrhea or blood in stool.
7) Suggest rather than confront, correct, punish, shame, train, because maybe they cannot learn a new way.
8) Make regular scavenger hunts in all the hiding places, remove and deal.
Keep quiet about it, except to say come to you if this happens and you will take care of it.
9) Return to the forum here to vent and complain. Congratulations, you are a Caregiver.
10) In the search bar, enter incontinence issues to find articles and questions on your topic already discussed.
And finally, don't be embarrassed. You are not the only one to ever have to throw a few underwear away to prevent gagging.