My Dad is turning 95 and is residing in a 24 hour care home. Dad's mind is pretty sharp and he has the newspaper delivered everyday. If it wasn't for his falling as he is now in a wheel chair he would probably still be living in assisted living. My dad is very upset with my sister because she doesn't visit him at all and won't answer any of his calls. My dad and sister weren't very close when she lived at home and my sister was always in trouble and got the belt because she always swore at my mom. This was terrifying for me to watch as a teenager growing up. She has never really forgiven my dad for this nor has she talked to him about it. Now my sister refuses to visit him or answer his calls. she is now 63 years old. My dad just wants to talk to her to find out what is bothering her and wants to make amends before he dies. My dad is so upset that he wants to take her out of his will and he is calling his Notary today. I told him I don't want to have anything to do with it as I am his Power of Attorney. I'm sure my sister will contest this and I don't need the extra stress. I can't blame my dad for wanting to do this though as she only has to pick up the phone but refuses and has cut him out of her life. I have talked to my dad several times regarding this and he is adamant that he takes her out of his will and wants to have my two children in her place. I'm not sure at this point what I should do, as it's his money.

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Stay out of it. From what it sounds like your dad physically abused your sister when she was young (using a belt is physical abuse) and i understand why she wants nothing to do with him.

You can lightly broach the subject with your sister - but be prepared for her to decline. My dad (ignored me - i'm a girl) was a real s$it to my brother - they were very different personalities and dad would not accept my brother but tried to change him every day until he moved out at 18. Mental and physical mistreatment. He always acted surprised and hurt that my brother had nothing to do with him for 30 years (lives in small town and wanted sympathy). As my dad's mind began to fail - he wanted to see my brother - and my brother refused. He felt dad only wanted to do this so HE would have some sort of closure -but no acknowledgement of his mistreatment of my brother - so brother said "pppfffttt!!!"

Parents who mistreat their kids do not have any sympathy from me. People in my small town would say "oh, your dad feels so sad and confused that your brother won't see him" and i would say "why is he confused? I'm not surprised my brother won't have anything to do with him, he physically and verbally abused him" Which shocked people and really torked my dad "what will people say" but it was always about my dad and he didn't give a hoot about anyone else.

You reap what you sow. So deal.
Helpful Answer (12)

You're right, it's his money. Maybe your sister won't want anything to do with him or his money when he passes. I'd stay out of it. When the time comes, if you feel your sister should have some of the inheritance, share yours.
Have you talked to your sister about your dad and his wanting to make amends? It might be very beneficial for your sister.
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My parents didn't want my brother in their will and their lawyer said as long as he was left $1, he couldn't contest. They left him more than $1, but the bulk was to be divided among us girls. (my brother was an addict and stole from them.)

Back then, it was not uncommon for children to be 'switched' or have a belt used on them. I remember not liking it and I straightened out. My brother went on with his bad behavior and stole their rent money. My DH was raised on a cotton farm and they had to go out and bring back a switch to be used on them.

That was then - this is now. If your sister won't even answer your dad's phone calls, he has every right to exclude her from his will. But to avoid her contesting, she should be in it for at least $1 according to lawyers.
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I think you can have it written in the will that if anyone contests the will...and loses their case....gets absolutely nothing...even what they were promised originally might put a stop to someone thinking of creating problems ...and more stress and discord to the truly grieving family members.
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I think your sister will find that it is difficult in "real life" to contest a will. (By "real life" I mean you see this in movies but it does not work in "reality")
Your sister will have to show that your Father was incompetent or coerced when making the will. 
And if I am not mistaken if she is left even a token bit in the will and she contests it and your Dad was found competent when the will was drawn up she will get nothing.
I would stay out of this "feud" and see what happens. If your Dad is doing alright now... wait....I am sure that if he shows a real decline in health your sister may come around. Not a guarantee but it may happen. A close member of the family did not see my Husband for 3 years but "came around" the last 2 weeks of his life. For that I am grateful.
If it happens in your case great, but if not, this is not on you.
You have NO control over others action and you should not allow this to add to any type of stress.

Oh..and a personal comment.  Your sister was abused. were you if you also got hit.
(As was I and millions of others that grew up with parents that thought spanking, getting hit with a belt, a spoon or any other object was a proper form of punishment)  
At her age to still be feeling the brunt of this the beatings must have been extreme or there may be something else that only she is aware of.  I hope she is able to talk to someone about this and get resolution of some sort. 
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My Moms lawyer explained that removing my brother would possibly set it up for court cases while he contested it.

What was done....Mom put me as joint owner on all her accounts .... by passing the will.
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Just a side note ...I've done counseling for unforgiveness towards an abusive was for myself I had to lay that burden down...I still see her as a narcissist..negative...judgemental ...and spend time with her rarely...and visit with other people around...without Gods healing and Christian counseling..I couldn't do it. And I doubt your sister wants your dads money...I could be wrong...she just doesnt want him in her life....and I can understand that..
Helpful Answer (5)

Do not even worry about the money - she has the right to exclude him from her life, as he has the right to exclude he from his will. It is not the best for either of them.

Talk to your sister, remind her that this may be her last time to allow him an opportunity to apologize....assuming that is what he intends.

If that does not work, explain to your clear headed father that cutting her out is not the best way for making amends for his past actions. Seems like yet another harsh punishment. Instead encourage him to write a letter, and leave her in the will.

Lastly, as someone else suggested, you can always share your portion as a sign of love and solidarity with your sister.
Helpful Answer (4)

She has no basis to contest a will that excludes her, should it come to that..
It is horrible that dad beat her when she was a youngster...
This beating business makes me sad.
Grace + Peace,
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Stay out of it---I know you want to mend this, but you can't.
I have RARELY seen a contested will make things "right", and yes, but leaving her $1 and her accepting that, would shut down her rights to even contest the will, in some states.
But again--stay out of it.
My hubby was beaten every day of his life by either or both of his parents. He's 65 and just NOW coming to terms with the incredibly tough way he was raised. Even by "the good old days" standards it was bad. (Yes, I admit I was also spanked, twice, gently, by my sweet dad, who then followed up the punishment with loving words and a LESSON about why what I had just done was wrong.) My poor hubby--when we had kids he figured the one and only "punishment" was a beating. I would not allow it and it took him YEARS to see that I was right.
Your sister's relationship with her dad is their problem, not yours. although you have made it yours. He will either die with or without the closure he may want. It's very sad, but it's not the least uncommon.
Your dad "owes" your sister nothing, from the will. But it sounds like he "owes" her a great deal of apologizing--which probably won't happen. Likely your sister looks on an inheritance as a form of an apology.
True, this is ugly, and a mess. Good luck.
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