I'm a recently discharged vet, and I have successfully transitioned to a career in the civilian sector. I have landed my dream job and am moving to Maryland in a few weeks to start. I'm also planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 4 years. We're starting a life together and my father's partner passed away last month. He was dependent on her social security along with his to make ends meet. Now that she is gone, he is alone and unable to continue paying the bills where he is for much longer.
He always made sure my brothers and I were provided for growing up, but he never made any provisions for himself or his retirement. He is 68. He has had several heart attacks and has COPD, but is doing well with medciation, diet and exercise.
He is closest with me, and so his solution to his problems seems to be moving in with us. Just the idea is putting ENORMOUS strain on my relationship with my soon-to-be fiancee as it seems like this will not be a temporary solution, but a permanent one. He's talked about giving us money toward a down payment on a house (where he plans on living) and I can't shake the feeling that if I do this, I'm headed down a path that will lead to nothing but problems, both with my relationship and my finances. Because my new job requires me to travel a lot, my girlfriend would be the one spending the most time with him, and that is not a role she is comfortable with. To be honest, he can be pretty abrasive sometimes, and that is not a role I would willingly put her in.
In spite of this awareness, I still am having a hard time saying no to him and the idea of him living with us. I feel obligated to help him out, and just the thought of saying no to him makes me feel like an ungrateful jerk (especially when I think about everything he's done for me throughout my life). I have worked very hard to get where I am, and I am finally found someone to share my life with. I feel like I am one false move away from putting everything in jeopardy.
What are my options? If anyone's in a similar circumstance or has already been down this road before is reading, please comment. I'm in dire need of information at this point.