Mom was diagnosed with dementia a few years ago and things are progressing. I am her medical and financial POA. She really needs to be in a nursing home before things get worse, but I seriously doubt that she'll agree.
She's been living with us for the past few years. At what point in time do I have to be the one to make this decision for her? There are times when she seems on the ball, but there are times when she tries to leave, to go "home."
She has zero assets and very, very little money so wherever she goes it will be on the government's dime. :( I'm going to get in contact with our state's long term care, but was hoping someone here could give some advice.
I never asked her if she wanted to do something because it would be NO. I just did it. Your Mom can't make decisions anymore. Thats why your POA. Your decisions will be what is best for Mom and you.
You don't have to wait for your Mom to buy into liking the thought of transitioning into a facility. My Mom is 95, lives semi-independently next door to me with moderate dementia. She's single and I'm an only child. We've had an agreement for years that I will transition her into a facility if 1 of 2 conditions occur: she's no longer safe in her home or I am overwhelmed by her care. She recently slipped out of bed in the middle of the night. I got her bedrails, which she hates for some reason. She insisted I take them off and I told her it's part of keeping her safe so she can stay in her home longer. End of resistance.
With your Mom having no assets and little income, you will need to probably contact your county's social services about an Elder Waiver, which is in-home assistance and aids paid for by Medicaid. It won't be full time by any means and you will be managing the turnover of the aids. Medicaid doesn't pay for AL or MC in a facility at all, although a smaller, faith-based facility might take her in on the Elder Waiver to partially pay for the custodial care. Medicaid only really pays for medical care. Therefore an elder has to qualify both medically and financially for Medicaid.
LTC can be 100% covered medically by Medicaid and 100% covered custodially by her SS income if she qualifies. Hospice is covered by her Medicare insurance.
You also need to think about your own relationship, you say she lives "with us". How does that person see the future with your mother ?
It is no shame to admit you can't help any more, you can see from this forum how carer burnout is common.
My advice is don't leave it too late. Start to take advice from many sources now to see what the options are. Good luck.