Hi friends, I find myself needing some help, some ideas. I've not discussed this yet with the nursing home, wants some ideas of where we stand first. My Dad, 76 years old developed a very severe sepsis infection following a knee procedure this summer. Two months later, he can't walk, can't stand himself up, and has mild dementia. He's in nursing care, has to be on an antibiotic drip every day which will end soon, I have DPOA for him. This care will only last two to four months at the most, and then decisions have to be made. He does not want to live in a nursing home. He wants to either move into my house or have me move into his.
My house is a two story, all bedrooms upstairs, I work, have a 20 year old at home who's recently tried to move friends into my house, didn't happen, not gonna happen, not something I would allow. I am putting my house up for sale in the spring. I've been widowed for just over a year and am moving through it, moving on with my life, I'm 52, and feel I need to live my life. I took care of my husband for 16 months fighting brain cancer, I was with him when he passed in our home, I'm still grieving from that, I also took care of my oldest daughter through several surgeries as well at the same time, and my youngest is getting over a rough patch in her young life. So Dad feels I'd be okay taking care of him full time. I'm not, I know it would be the end of me because I've been there already. There's only so much one person can take and as many of you understand. I've told him I can't move into his house, I have my own home to take care of, he can't move into mine because of the stairs and I have to work, he of course got very angry, said he'd be okay with sitting all day, and if he wet his pants, so what, he could sit in it all day. I have a brother, who does nothing and is verbally abusive to me every chance he gets, even was that way to me at my husbands funeral. He will do nothing to help no matter what and enjoys watching the struggle. Dad is difficult, always has been and has a history of abuse. I can't lift him, he's 6'1 and 230 lbs. My husband was 5'10, and after a year of fighting cancer, he weighed 110 lbs, I could barely move him around and lift him.
I've got Dad's house set up well for him, and I'm thinking when the time comes of moving him back there, but he needs full time care. Is it possible to get reliable safe full time care for a parent like this in their home? Maybe assisted living would be better for him? He has retirement accounts, do those count as assets when applying for Medicaid, or does it count as income? Lots of questions and needing some info and different ideas. Thanks all.