She can’t sit down for very long, moves stuff around, hallucinates, won’t eat much (no water), and always has to go out the door. I bathe her, dress her, and am still working part-time. Yet, she’s still a mess. I’m gonna find a person to help me with her; I am definitely married but single.
So either hire in-home help while you're away or look into placing her in a nice memory care facility where you can get back to just being her loving husband and advocate and not her burned out and overwhelmed caregiver.
Typically a bus or van will pick up a participant in the morning then they get a breakfast, a lunch and at least 1 or 2 snacks. They will usually be returned home between 4 and 5.
There are activities, sometimes outings, projects. These all help with socialization. It will give her a break and you a break.
Hiring someone is probably best through an agency. There are private caregivers though. If you go this route make sure that it is done "legally" and you are not "paying under the table". the main reason for this is if at some point you have to apply for Medicaid there will be proof of the expense of caregiving. And if you check with the person that does your taxes it may be at least partially deductible as a medical expense (get her Dr to write that she needs 24/7 supervision)
It does not matter if you hire through an agency or privately there will be times when the caregiver does not show up. This might be easier to deal with if the caregiver is from an agency.
Now...if you are a "numbers guy"
sit down and figure out how much a caregiver is going to cost VS the cost of placing your wife in a Memory Care facility.
With a caregiver you will still be the primary caregiver unless you are hiring more than 1.
In a facility she will have caregivers 24/7
She will have more activities in a facility than at home. (unless you have an exceptional caregiver)
I always said I would keep my Husband at home as long as it was safe for HIM for me to care for him and as long as it was safe for ME to care for him.
It is not an easy decision. It is not one you make quickly. You make it when you realize that their care is more than you can safely manage at home.
If you're thinking about a live-in caregiver, they can't stay awake 24/7. You'll need relief caregivers, and if you think one of them will be you, think again. You're working, you'll be managing in-home care, and you'll be too tired to work a shift taking care of your wife. Plus she's going to get worse, so what you think you'll be facing will turn out to be more and more.
I'm very sorry you're going through this.
I agree with Geaton that it's crucial that you discuss this with the doctor and see if some mild anti-depressant of some medication for anxiety can help with her agitation which is so difficult for you both to manage.