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Dad is in hospice at home and needs help getting to his appts and getting food, cleaning etc but he refuses the help.


He worries about the cost and does not want someone around the house all the time as he sleeps most of the day.


I can not force him to do it so what does one do?

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What is dad's plan for how to get those needs met?

Are YOU the plan?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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If he is in active hospice, what doctors does he need to be seeing? At the onset of Hospice, for daddy, he 'quit' all his doctors. He was cared for round the clock by family and the hospice workers who came a couple times a day.

CG's can be doing other things for him while he's sleeping. Light cleaning, laundry, answering the phone and keeping visitors away if he's not up to seeing them.

He may be very depressed, but at this point, I wouldn't give him AD's. Let him have the drugs that bring peace--some AD's are actually agitating to the elderly.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Talk to Dad. Explain that accepting some help will help him to stay in his home longer. Otherwise if he becomes weakened by lack of food/fluids he may get exhausted or collapse & then need transportation to hospital sooner ☹️

Talk to Hospice. Maybe some Dr visits can be via phone or if not, by house call instead. Some areas used to have volunteer driver service (pre Covid days).

Call his grocery store. Can he phone order & get delivered? Would you be willing to online order for him?

He's told you what the barrier's are for him. Money & timing. Reassure him about the money. He may be worried about leaving his money for you or others..? Because he likes to rest/sleep he is worried about being disturbed by a lot of people turning up right? Rides for Dr, cleaning service, deliveries could all be scheduled pre 12am then he rests 12-3pm or all scheduled after 3pm - whatever fits him best.

RE sleeping all day. This sounds worrying. Is this a temp thing (like rounds of chemo) or more long term (like kidney dialysis)? Is there hope his quality of life will improve? Do you suspect depression?
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Reply to Beatty
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Bob231 May 2, 2021
No his health will not improve he has multiple cancers. He says he will take help but when the social worker comes and talks to him about it he says he does not want it.......I have talked to her about it she has tried a few times.

He sleeps most of the day because he is in pain he takes oxy and sleeping pills.
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What type of appointments is your dad needing to go to, if he's under hospice care? I know it's not doctors appointments, as hospice has their nurse practitioner come to the house if needed. And he can have his groceries delivered right to his home as well.
You may want to check with his hospice agency to see if they might have any volunteers that would come clean up a bit. I know they have volunteers that will come sit with him, but not sure about the cleaning part. Otherwise you'll either have to do that yourself, or hire someone to come in to do that.
I'm guessing that if your dad is under hospice care, that he probably shouldn't be living alone anyway, so you may have to make some other arrangements for him. Best wishes in getting it all figured out.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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