Dad is being lazy, unclean and is urinating everywhere. Does anyone ever just feel despair?

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Dad is being lazy, unclean and is urinating everywhere. Does anyone ever just feel despair?

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I keep two urinals next to his bed in a bed pan so that they won't slide under bed. Now the bed pan is across the room with signs of bowel movement smeared on it, so the rest must be hanging from his butt. The toilet is 10 ft away and he has a power hair, bed assist bar, and no matter what obstacles I line up under the bedframe so it will not be easy for urinals ,etc to go under bed, that's always his excuse to pee in anything anyway. He never empties his urinals and I've told him if he can't make it to toilet, poop in his diaper.
Should I put a commode next to bed? Or will he now that down with power hair leaving me more of a mess?

Family Caregiver Incontinence Poor Hygiene

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I agree with Geaton; this is likely more a result of failing mentation. Not an issue of laziness, but an inability to get it together to do the normal activities of daily living. Does he currently live with you? It may be time to consider placement so he can receive more care 24/7 than can realistically be given by one person. Good luck.

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Reply to AlvaDeer

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I don't think your father is lazy. I think your father is at the cognitive point where he not only can't learn new things or be flexible, not only can't he maintain what he already knows, but he is actively LOSING his ability to remember what he knew how to do. Trying to teach or train him to make any changes or "cooperate" will make you exhausted because your expectations aren't lined up with the reality in front of you. If you are feeling despair every day you may need to think about transitioning him to a care facility where he can get all the help he needs, you can both have better quality time with each other when you visit and you can have a normal, unexasperated life.

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Reply to Geaton777

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He isn’t going to “work with you”. He is no longer mentally or physically able to do that.

Depending on his mental state, he may not worry about peeing and pooping wherever because he knows you’ll clean it up.

You need to hire help or find a facility for him. He will get worse and with mental issues, he cannot be reasoned with.

I’m sorry it’s like this!