My Dad is dying but keeps asking me when he's going to get better - not sure what to tell him?

Lots of good advice here. I would suggest googling "Dying Matters."
Other than that if asked "We're all doing everything we can. If the Dr said
that you wouldn't get better (rather than using words he might not want to face),
is there anyone you'd like to see? Talk to? Is there anything special you'd like to do?"
I'd suggest that if physical contact is possible, in a lucid time hold his hand and say something along the lines of
"Do you remember that clock (sure you can come up with one) that we used to
wind up every day/week? (don't worry if no answer keep going) Over time the mechanism starts to wear and bit by bit each time it's wound up it runs down that bit sooner until finally no amount of winding can make it work.
Well, in some ways Dad, we're all like that clock. We keep getting rewound, but there comes a time for all of us when we just stop ticking. Know one knows the when, but we are all here loving you and we will go on doing just that."

My mom had lung cancer and during fighting it, sihe had a serious attack of diverticulitis that she'd fought all her life and had to have surgery. She didn't do well and after and eventually the Dr's told us they had done all they could do, that she was going to die within a few days. They had her on morphine to the point she wasn't aware we were in the room. We all discussed if she would want to know she were dying in order to say goodbye, but we all agreed, knowing mom, she wouldn't want to know. So we kept her morphine levels high enough she never work up. She died peacefully. We did the right thing and were fortunately enough to have a Dr. who would let us do it. Many would have allowed only enough to take pain but not enough to render them in a twilight state...

Sounds to me like your father would not want to know... I wouldn't tell him he wasn't going to get better when asked. You could just say... I don't know dad..but I do know that everyone is doing all they can to help..that they only want the best for you. Then in a humorous voice tell him to "Keep in mind that eventually none of us get out of this world alive, and that includes you and me, so whatever will be will be".. Maybe that will help him talk about death if he wants to, but if not, then I'd let it go.

This doesn't answer your question, but I recommend watching Gone From My Sight on YouTube. 96 minutes of a hospice nurse talking about the dying process. Not as depressing as it sounds.

I think you are all correct in that he knew there would be an end, he just doesn't want to "see" it. It's just when he asks the question that I'm not sure what to do. It sounds like in general that if he doesn't want to face it, I shouldn't force the issue (which I haven't) and to keep supportive words coming (which I have).

So in general, I'm just being uncertain. Thank you all for your words of advice and your hugs!

Does he really need to know his prognosis? Will it make a difference? My ex, also a glioblastoma multiforme patient feared aging and death while he was healthy. It was kindest just to remind him we (his friends, family, and I) were all together in the fight, no matter what. CyberHugs to you.

I'm thinking that the oncologist at some point probably told him there was nothing more to be done and that he had xxx amount of time left, so he has always known, he just chooses not to believe. And it sounds like denial is typical of your father, I like to describe it as "if I don't look at the tiger about to bite my a** it isn't really be there". Just try to do whatever seems right to help keep him comfortable, both mentally and physically.

When I was caring for my dear friend 6 month (no time off 24/7)with Cancer whom with Hospice care was visit him every other day for about last 2 months of his life... He knew that his life is ending at anytime,so he asked me to set up appointment/arrangement with Catholic priest... I did, so Farther came to visit him. my friend passed very peacefully a month later..... Can you ask your dad,he is wishing for the church member to visit or would you like to contact with Priest/ Farther...? I do feel for you.

If he isn't clear-headed enough to know that he's dying, I personally would not tell him. It's hard to give advice without knowing the person. If he asked you if he was dying, I would give you different advice.

Thank you, Sunnygirl, for your suggestion. But there is no getting him to the doctor now. Hospice comes twice a week. Dad WAS mentally competent. He has moments of lucidity now mixed with a lot of hallucinations. For example, he knows who we all are and will asks me about my kids, but then tells me about the neighbor's herd of horses. Dad's favorite is the grey that prances. It's the largest of the herd, no bigger than a Pomeranian dog. I'm supposed to bring the horse trailer up so I can take the herd home and board the horses at my farm. I've told him to tell the neighbor that I have a stall all ready to go.

If I Google "Signs of Death", I get a list of 10 signs that all match my Dad. As is the case, I'm sure, with others, he's had some of these symptoms for some time. He has lost a great deal of weight, is very frail and moving is now painful. He has to take pain medication before he can be moved to change his Depends (incontinence was off and on but is now a constant), he's barely eaten for some time, drinks little, stops breathing for up to 50 seconds at a time. He is awake for awhile in the mornings but sleeps most of the day. He's awake sometimes at night.

Tell him that you don't know when he will get better but that everything will be all right. One way or another, so it will. And make sure he knows to tell you if he needs to be made more comfortable. And try not to worry too much about giving him the right answer: some questions don't have an answer, and that isn't your fault.

I think if he wanted to face that he is dying, he would ask you that directly. So, if later on he does, tell him the truth.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

If he is still mentally competent, which you say he is, then I would let him discuss his medical condition and prognosis with his doctor.

You can give him support and love and even go with him. I realize that keeping things from dementia patients is sometimes advisable, because they are not able to process it and they forget and you would have to tell them over and over again, but if he is competent, I would have a difficult time not letting him know what the doctor says about his condition.

cwillie, thank you for your suggestion. It is a good one and I will use that should it come up again.

As for your questions, I was trying to be brief because there are so many issues with my Dad, most of them mental and social. He is 75 and his health was pretty much fine before the tumors presented themselves. No, there was/is no dementia or anything like that.

One of my sad revelations is that my Dad isn't a fighter. Initially, he said he wanted to live, but then did nothing to lengthen his life. Getting him to appointments took hours of cajoling, bribery, fighting. Getting him out of bed and moving resulted in combative behavior. One might think that this was all a result of brain surgery, but in fact, Dad's always been like this. When faced with a difficult situation, my Dad cooks dinner and sits and watches TV. To the doctors he was mentally competent, so he had a right to refuse care. So, if he didn't want to get up, he didn't. If he didn't want to eat, he didn't. Now, he can't do either.

So, like I said, Dad's fading. Not sure how long he has since I am convinced that his current condition isn't just a resurgence of the tumors, but because of his own stubborn behavior. Yes, hospice is involved at this point...finally (a whole other story).

But because of how he has lived his life, has chosen to live (or not) since he's been home, his refusal (real or implied) to discuss dying, I'm just not sure what to say when he asks, "When am I going to get better?"

I would say "I'm sorry Dad, we're doing everything we can to help keep you comfortable". You might follow that by asking if there is anything he wants you to do for him.
You don't say how old your father is or if he has any other health concerns or previous dementia, so it's hard to be specific. What has the doctor told him, what was his original prognosis? If he has been fighting for a cure has he been specifically told that the treatment has failed? Hospice should be offering you some guidance in this.