My father is afraid of death, he refuses to lay on bed spending day and night in his chair. What can I do?


he refuses to sleep as if he is waiting for death!!!!!!! I do not know may he is thinking like that ... if he put his body on bed he will die !!!!! ... his legs become severly oedematous.. he is psychologically distressed ... at the same time he is refusing his life asking for death always in his words ....he is 80 yo .... we are in this since 6 months his physical health is not bad for his age even good ... he always is not happy with all what I do for him ...

my physical and psychological health are deteriorating I am also get angery with this situation .. I can not bear this life any more ... many times I want to go out and never return back ...please pray for me... and tell me what can i do ?

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drhope I do not know enough of your father's condition for specific suggestions.
but frequently fear of dying has a cause and you may find the answer from a visit by a spiritual advisor. If he has a priest or minister he would allow to visit that may be the way to find an answer. Often elderly people,when they feel they may be approaching death, are fearful because they think they will have to account for their actions during this life. A spitual advisor may be able to put these fears to rest. He may also be afraid of what will happen to his family when he is gone. You may be able to help by giving him permission to go. Tell him you will always love him and think of him but everyone will be OK and look after each other.
it may be more comfortable and relieve the edema and risk of blood clots if he could be in a recliner an electric one would be ideal but expensive. There is nothing wrong with sleeping in a recliner, many older people of sound mind do this for physical reasons. Get one with vinyl covering if possible for hygienic purposes and cover with soft sheet. Hospital beds are frequently refused by those who would benefit from their use again from fear of this being the begining of dying
You are stressed beyond belief and can no longer cope so you must discuss the whole situation with your Dr and use any medication prescribed.
have you considered Hospice? They do allow five day hospital respite stays which would give you a break. Refusal by your father is not an option if you collapse. You have done a fine job so far and don't feel ashamed or a failure if a Nursing Home has to be the solution , You can not continue to provide the kind of care you wish to if you are sick or just run away
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drhope - I agree with Mishka. Best to see if you can get him to see the doctor. It may be another challenge to get him to see one. But, it might help.

My father is the opposite. He had a stroke 2 years ago. The gov't caregivers that come to sponge bathe him and mom (both bedridden), found him sitting and not moving. They called 911. Since then, he is absolutely terrified of getting off the hospital bed here in our livingroom. He fears that he would fall or drop him. But, despite his stomach pain, he refuses to go the clinic/hospital because he believes that they will kill him. He is so terrified of dying, he takes all kinds of herbal supplements to extend his life. He needs to go to the clinic for a check-up but refuses. Like you, I'm trying to find a way around his fear of dying thru the doctors/nurses, etc....

Both our fathers fear death. My father refuses to leave the bed. Your father refuses to get in one. Do you think if you got a hospital bed it would send him over the edge? A hospital bed would be great. He can sit up on it, etc...How about getting a sofa bed? Show him that it's a sofa. Then lower it, to show the bed. I'd get a waterproof vinyl bedcover though. Or get one of those washable bedpads. Do you think he would still view the sofabed as a bed?
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Hi drhope,
I am sorry your question never got answered. And I wish I had a good answer for you but I really don't. Only I wanted to say I will keep you and your father in my prayers. I think you should take him to his doctor to rule out any physical reasons for his mood and if not than a therapist- or geriatric psychiatrist. You mentioned prayer so , also, can you have a minister or the like visit with your father to talk about his fears. If your father finds comfort in the Lord you may want to look up some good Bible quotes about letting go of fear and God taking care of us(I am not up on my scripture like I should be so I cannot point you in the right direction)- you could make a sign with a soothing Bible quote for him to read- in a pretty frame, by his bed. Or say a prayer with him before bed. But I would definitely look into getting him evaluated physically and mentally because as tired as you are he is probably more so. Blessings to you both! I will pray!! (There I just said a prayer. And I will say more. )
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