For the past year, my 80 year old BIL has been in a very nice, new AL facility because of a hip replacement gone bad and incontinence. He has to use a walker to walk. He has decided that he would be better off at home because his friends no longer visit him. He’s convinced he would be fine with meals on wheels, that he could monitor his own medication, etc. He went to AL because he wasnt able to care for himself at home. His LT care insurance covers the expenses at the AL so it is not a monetary issue. My 58 year old son is his only relative, caregiver and POA. BIL is adamant he is going “home”.

I feel for your son. He is approaching retirement and I don't think he thought he may have to take care of an Uncle. I am assuming the Uncle is your husbands brother so there is some blood there.

I agree that a medical professional should sit down with him and explain why his decision would not be wise. Meals on Wheels has a list. They can only serve so many people. He may not be able to get this service right away. Aides are not reliable and with incontinence he will need 24/7 care.

I agree to be supportive if he comes home but boundries will need to be set before he makes this move. What you and son are willing and not willing to do for him.

I agree about his friends. Moms didn't visit once she was in the AL. But then, she was pretty out of it by then.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29

If he's mentally competent he can make the decision for himself. As a competent adult he's allowed to make poor decisions too. Does your BIL have a home to go home to?

What is your son's opinion? If he shares your concern has he tried to speak to his uncle about this?

Does his facility have a social worker who can talk with him about his decision to move back home? Is there any staff at the AL who could talk to him?

If after all is said and done he still wants to return home be supportive. Don't withdraw your support in the hope that he'll fail. Help him. Put services in place that can assist him. Help get his home ready. Perhaps hire a caregiver for a few hours a day (to start with) to help him shower and take his medicine.

Give it a chance.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Eyerishlass

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