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It’s just a patch of grass
It’s just a small patch of grass
That troubles me today
Groomed it’s not on this tiny plot
Priorities have changed
Life itself within this soul sits staring in disarray

The days (or youth and yonder) seem not so far away
When mowing was a joy
To nurture and culture the gardens
To manicure and fertilize the lawns
To harvest crops of hay and corn
The chores, the hustle, the bustle is gone

The self is complex dealing
When called to sacrifice---
To serve my wife who suffers to bear
A disease with symptoms galore
Advancing with subtle devise
Now contriving its way to affect my sense of suffice

Ah! Angel behold
The challenge before
Infringes upon who I am
Yet battle I do with stubborn regrets
Aspirations, friends, family
Savings, career are all gone
Why? Was this ever taught or told?
O Angel behold

Please find work for my hands
A farm would be solace for me
But Mary’s own wishes are city
Far away from the forest and lands
Again the stonewall becomes edifice
So structure goes back to demands

To wrestle with the spirit is difficult for sure
How did this all happen
Selflessness! an impossible chore?
Losing one’s sense of freedom
Never once thought of before

Sits on the daily agenda
To feed and nurse is not my wish
Her cognition is drifting away
Moments of brilliance and creativity
Stymied by dementia’s advance
Witnessing that is troublesome enough
Depressed, caught up in this trance

Oh yes it’s been told
Through ages throughout
Inner struggles are meant to be won
One at a time is plenty
But they keep piling up without answers.
Shout
These cannot be sold
The funds are low and so of course there is doubt

Reality checks are pensive
Options are sought with directives
But how when she falls
Can she get back in her chair
I just pick her up I am here

The nurses just call 911
And then she to the hospital
Where no one understands where she’s from
“It’s MS Doctor, not Lyme disease..”
They missed this by a longshot for one

The scale one might consider
Ego, self, Humility, selfishness
The spectrum runs fathoms for sure
While the spirit, the soul yearn for the journey of learning
Far away on another shore.
The ball and the chain of relinquished control makes not the differences sought
There is no escape so roll up your sleeves
And give your proud hat a big tug
Courage to the wind
Face the challenges head on---How to win?
The solution cannot be just Hug and shrug

This patch of grass grows untendered
Until I muster the strength
But duty is calling and drains unintended
Though trying to figure it out goes to great length
The pair of rabbits, the woodchuck
The squirrels, ravens and crows
The maple sprouts, weeds and seeding grass
Lurk about as pasture mates
Doing their chores—All grows as I spy through this glass
They don’t notice me much as I sit on my ass

Someday a return to greener pastures
With my dogs all about in the pace
Cattle and sheep for the kitchens
Rains and mud for the soul
The fodder we put in mind’s cupboards
At peace reflects, creates hope in the hole

Work wholesomely, assimilate strengths
Benefitting saneness and building energy
May seem a long stretch today
Take a breath and ice water in the garden
Away from the mind on the race
Now that patch of grass is not such a disgrace

Beautiful!
Keeps me dreaming
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Gbprincess
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Has it ever occurred in your sessions of thought
If collectively we decided and fought
For a solution is likely if all worked together
A camp or a farm to sew corn and heather

A grand house with a view is what they deserve
We can tend to their fields and their view preserve
Sharing is something that takes up time
May be a daydream in this sanity sublime

Don't need much but tables and chairs
A lft for the staircase and space for wheelchairs
A ramp for the porches, wrap around for sure
Even have hammocks for a snore from the chore

Throwing out the thought
There are grants likely for sure
That abyss is not much sought
For many whose burdens are common we cure

It lightens the burn when all pull their weight
Behold much patience as we sit and we wait
Or snub the system of advantage and build up esteem
Troopers are wanted but picture the scene

A home for disenchanted to keep from going nuts
Keeps them out of nursing homes and gives us back our guts
It will either make us crazier but most likely be success
We put ourselves behind us
That's the common bond for sure
Anyone can drive a bus
So many stops ahead
All aboard let's find it
Pastures and fields to tend
Farmers, mechanics and nurses
The talents will not end
Butchers, cooks, not measured in purses

So pass your day, imagination for sure
Let time not pass us by
Each and every second secure
In hope we just might try

Search for evolution
The concept may be a peaceful revolution
Or just another thought
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Reply to johncaregiver
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Hi John...Thank you for posting your poetry. Please keep writing and posting. Love it!
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Reply to Dusti22
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Hey Folks,--writing verse again to check sanity.

How's your day today?
Force yourself to smile, it's the best and simplest of exercises they say
Whoever THEY are telling us how we should handle
Living for two of us in this state of depression
Their echoes of how can I help, but not meaning
These are forms of repulsion,repression

Why would they volunteer for this
My wife's best friend is her caregiver
Friends for dollars is the joke remiss
24 hours is alot to deliver

So take a break: meditation and prayer
It's an escape
As if you're not there
If she calls, beckons or falls I am here

So chin to the wind
Take in the breezes
Reach out to a friend if they're not in your freezers
If you know what I mean of this pushing away
On the raft of isolation finding a way

The bureaus galore of the outreach links
Are a maze of confusion, this already stinks
Have we noticed they are similar
How much money ya' have sound familiar
So onward we go with our spirits connected
To find answers for sure we can't be dejected

If you have a smile this verse has now life
So much better than murking in strife
Loaves and fishes for all
At least we have that for dinner
Many have less, we watch baseball
Thank goodness the Red Sox of recent a winner

Mary is callin so not must run
I hope the rest of the day finds some fun
Thanks for listening and keep those eyes glistening
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Reply to johncaregiver
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My dad has Parkinsons with early dementia and I care for him and my stepmom. She is a hoarder, even of the tv & food, spending dads $. I also have 2 & 1/2 acres of land to tend. I am isolated up here except for church on Sunday. Time with my dad has been precious and if it were just us we'd be ok. Tonight I lost my temper with her & came online to look for caregiver support sites. I found you! Thank you for encouraging me that I can do this & I don't have to be perfect at it. I'll just focus on my dad's happiness & needs & mine. The Lord can work out the rest.
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Reply to Shelbyloren
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Although I am in tears as I write this, I had to say thank you. My hubby has been in ill-health for over a decade and now is bedridden. Never treated me like a princess, but now I have to treat him like a king. No money, no help, no hope.

Thank you so much for the work and heart you put into writing this. God bless!
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Thanks for reading this verse. I tried writing to keep sane. That someone read and understood helps.
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Reply to johncaregiver
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Thank you, johncaregiver, for posting this. I know it's hard to provide a parent's care while watching the progression of dementia. I'm pretty certain that it's harder when it's your spouse. Best wishes.
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Reply to bicycler
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